So much for that

Well, it turned out that I was away from my computer all day yesterday, so obviously I won't make the post-a-day thing for the whole month. But if Lent has taught me nothing else, it's taught me that you get back to your commitment right away after you break it, rather than giving it up altogether, so here goes. This will be short, though, because I got hit with a cold this morning and my focus is not what it might be right now.

Today, I spent the day at a retreat in Barrington, along with a few friends. During the closing Eucharist, I have to confess I heard little of the sermon. My friends said it was good, but I wasn't listening. Instead, I was watching a dancing evergreen.

Yes, a dancing evergreen - someone had turned on the heat right at the beginning of the sermon, and it was blowing the branch of a very delicate, almost fernlike, evergreen that lives in the back corner of the chapel. Now, I've been feeling just ever so slightly ashamed of how little I've grieved this year about the anniversary of my friend Emily's death Nov. 3. But as I was watching the fronds (?) of the evergreen dance, I could almost hear her say to me, "Don't worry about it. You're doing other things right now. But you and I have a date for right after you get here."

I'm utterly incapable right now of expressing in words how I felt just then, so I'll just say it was really great to "hear" from her in that way, and to be reminded that it's ok to heal.

And now I'm off to bed, even though it's only 9 pm, in hopes of being ready tomorrow for a full day of church, cleaning, and homework.

Two, two, two obsessions in one?

I've had babies on the brain for a long time. I mean, I was always one of those little girls who wanted to hang around babies, who looked forward to babysitting (the younger the better), etc. But for the last five years, really, I've been increasingly aware of my desire for children. Now, I am very aware that that's a terrible idea just at the moment: I'm a single young woman living in a seminary dorm with an income of maybe $3000 a year if I'm lucky.* But it's there. I am, at this point, actively seeking out ways to alleviate this intense desire. I spend two worship services a week holding the organist's baby; I'm starting to think about saving for adoption; I enthusiastically support my married friends who want babies soon.

On a completely different note, I've also been impatient lately with my knitting. I like the blanket that I've been working on for the last couple of years, but it's a huge project and rather unwieldy. It's also not so much a real pattern as it is knit purl knit purl, and I've been wanting to try out some other patterns.

Ergo, I've decided to take up baby blankets. Baby blankets are smaller and more manageable than the big woolen monster. They have fun colors and patterns. They have practical uses. I can try things out. I can use up yarn that I have lying around. And it satisfies a tiny part of my baby longing.

Now if I can just keep myself from knitting instead of doing homework....


*In my head, Marge Simpson chastises Bart "Don't make fun of grad students! They just made a terrible life choice!" every time I state my income.

My Mission

I am a child of Seabury, and therefore I know that I have no mission, but rather seek to participate in God's mission.

But if I weren't, it would be my mission to convince people that NOTHING reverses, lessens, reduces, or protects us from the risk of death. Risk of death is 100% for all living things, barring Jesus' return in our lifetimes. Today's BBC News reports: "The scientists estimated resveratrol reduced the risk of death in the mice by about 31%, a point similar to the lifespan for the standard diet mice." Were I this person's editor, I would note that it ought to report that resveratrol reduced the risk of dying early, or that resveratrol can extend expected lifespan, or something of the sort. This was a running gag between my critical care supervisor and me when I did CPE, as he would often ask during spiritual care rounds,"Is this person dying?" and I would steadfastly claim that all of us were dying, but that I had not the power to predict time and place, before conceding that some looked nearer death than others. In this case, my position was perhaps a bit extreme. Nevertheless, I maintain that we need to remember just how little power we have to predict time of death for any person. People who look on the edge of death turn out not to die for weeks, months, or years; people who seem perfectly healthy get hit by cars, or shot, or drop dead of undetected heart problems, or whatever. Either way, we will all die. The Feasts of All Saints and All the Faithful Departed seem as good a time as any to remind ourselves of our own mortality and how little control we have over it.

Happy Reformation Day, I Guess

I've never made much of Reformation Day (why should I?), but today feels a lot more like Reformation Day than like Halloween. Class at the Methodist seminary in the morning, class on the English Reformation(s) in the evening, class on the creeds in between. Admittedly, there's been a lot of high fructose corn syrup floating around today, but not much in the way of costumes and parties, for me.

In other news, I'm thinking of taking up the NaBloPoMo challenge. (Yeah, I know I need to decide soon.) NaBloPoMo, for those who haven't run across it, is National Blog Posting Month, a spin-off of National Novel Writing Month. The challenge is to write a quality post every day in the month of November.

"But you haven't even managed to post crap on a regular basis lately!" I hear readers protesting. True. There's been a lot in my personal life that hasn't been bloggable this month. But I'm hoping that a public commitment on a limited term basis might spur me to get back to things here, and certainly NaBloPoMo reminds me that the point of my blog is not in fact to make a daily report on what I ate for lunch or who I called on the phone. Yes, part of the point is to keep people updated on my life, but equally important is the discipline of writing for public consumption on a regular basis. (If I did that, perhaps I'd learn not to use so many prepositions in one sentence.) I've got a couple of thoughts scribbled from back in September that I can start out with.

What the heck - I've convinced myself. I'll give it a try.

Here's to a month of posting something other than dribble!

Or not

So, I was thinking about GOEs, and I got to thinking about how odd it was that only I seemed to have the letter to candidates yet. Also that the exam schedule for this year was a LOT like last year's. Exactly alike, in fact. So, I looked at a calendar, and realized that the dates listed don't occur this year. There's no Tuesday, Jan. 3 at all. Apparently "Letter to Candidates" meant "for last year" not "for this year" - but in my initial process of finding my way around the site, I read only the parts that looked important - things like titles and charts. I neglected the fine print that included a year. This obviously clears up a lot about why only I had the schedule, though nothing at all about why only I among my colleagues here have access to the website. I apologize for the ruckus, and will try in future to slow down and use my brain earlier in the process. (Though, I do think it would be helpful if the website made these things a little more obvious.) Sorry!

Homecoming

People are coming! Yay!

Citing my sources

Fellow GOE-takers who hadn't seen the previous info yet: It comes from an email I got from the General Board of Examining Chaplains announcing the fact of my registration. I assume I got this email before you because a) my diocese is faster and nicer than yours (probably true either way) or b) my diocese put my email on the registration and yours didn't giv yours out (also possible). I have faith that you too will receive this information in (over)due time.

It's Here!

Peace offering?

I've been mostly silent on here in recent days, and still don't have much to say here. So in lieu of my usual posts, here's the sermon I preached in Seabury's chapel yesterday - more or less as I actually preached it:


Last week after Matriculation, a few of us ended up in the chapel looking at the space, and talking about it. And one of the things that came up for me as we talked was the importance of where I sit in this chapel. I need to be able to see things to give them my full attention a lot of the time, and it turns out there are only about five seats in this chapel where I can reliably see the pulpit, the crossing, the presider’s seat, and the altar. So I sit in one of those. But it would actually be important for me to sit on that side of the chapel even if sight lines weren’t such a problem for me, because it matters to me that I sit on the side of the theologians.

Now, that’s partly a positive statement, in that I think of myself much more readily as a theologian than as a missionary, something I’m sure is shocking to many of you. But it’s the flip side, the negative of that statement, that really makes it so important to me. It’s less a matter of needing to sit with the theologians than it is of needing to sit facing the missionaries. I’m in very little danger of forgetting about the theologians, or of forgetting that doing theology is part of my call. If I’m going to forget something, I’m going to forget that I’m also called to mission. Even when I remember, I often feel as though when Jesus says “You also are to testify,” he can’t possibly mean me - he means you all. So as I worship in this chapel, I need to look up and remember both how much the church needs its missionaries, and that I too have a part in God’s mission. I may be theological in my reasons for why mission is so important, but my theology becomes incomplete, maybe even false, when I neglect the missional elements.

I think this is part of the church’s message to all of us on this particular feast, the feast of Latimer, Ridley, and Cranmer. By lumping these three bishops together, the church reminds us not only that they knew each other, but that we don’t get one without the others. Cranmer was a scholar and theologian who more or less had to be pulled into the public life. Latimer railed against clergy who stayed safely in their studies and universities and never preached the gospel. The whole calendar of saints operates this way, to a certain extent. The Church put Ridley on the calendar for his reforming zeal in tearing out images and altars – but in only a few weeks, we’ll celebrate the feast of John of Damascus, whose Defense of Holy Images helped ensure that icons and liturgical art would have a place in the Church. And the church tells us that they’re a package deal. Not Cranmer, or Latimer, or Ridley; not liturgy or preaching or theology; but all of these together, all at once.

Friday Five: Comforts

It's a good day for this one.

Comfort beverage: Hot. If I'm home, usually tea. If I'm out, usually coffee/latte. Hot cider (no caramel!) is very good when it's in season.

Comfort chair: Usually not so much a chair as a couch. Up here I like my green loveseat with my throw blanket to curl up in.

Comfort read: Little Women. Occasionally a Madeleine L'Engle novel for a change, but mostly Little Women.

Comfort television/DVD/music: TV: West Wing. DVD: Kissing Jessica Stein. Music: I keep a sad songs playlist for just such occasions - mostly composed of Indigo Girls, Dar Williams, etc.

Comfort companion(s): I have no lovers or pets (ok, I have a fish, but that hardly counts here). I guess my comfort companions would be certain friends who know me well and who don't mind when I need to be silent and/or sad for a while. Or, in a pinch, my Care Bears.


Interesting that comfort food is not listed.

Five Things Feminism Has Done For Me

The Happy Feminist has tagged everyone, so here goes:

1. Feminism has paved the way for me to sit in a graduate course.

2. Feminism has made it possible for me to speak and write my mind - not only in private, but in public, and even in opposition to men.

3. Feminism has put before me women writers who demonstrate that the way is (at least partly) open to me to try publishing.

4. Feminism has created environments (Girl Scouts, Smith College) in which I can learn to flourish specifically as a woman - environments that have taught me what it means still to be marked for gender in this world, and how to be hopeful but not naive about that.

5. Feminism allows me to believe that I'll be ordained a deacon in eight months and a priest in two years. Thanks be to God!

For my part, I tag Susie, Marisa, Jane, Micah, and AKMA (who I don't expect will actually take it up, but whose response I'd love to hear).

Weather wonders

It's a bit strange to be pulling on flannel pajamas while planning shorts, skirts, tank tops, and t-shirts for next weekend, especially when I'm not actually even leaving Province V.

For the record

I'm not in favor of the new practice among historians of calling English Puritans "the godly Anglicans."

Quarter of creativity

Granted that the gender balance is off for my booklists this quarter, it looks like my classes will mostly be quite excellent this term, in terms of both individual quality and balance of learning/work styles. A rundown:

Canon Law: is pretty much what it sounds like. Lots of reading canons and legal cases. If I were taking it for credit, there'd be a final. But I'm auditing it, so it's just sitting in a class on Monday nights talking about legal stuff.

Hebrew: is, of course, a beginning language course. As any of you who have ever learned languages will know, it has its own ways of thinking, and the workload is mostly exercises and quizzes and so forth. Lots of learning really new stuff, very little critical analysis writing.

England in the Age of Reform: One of my three-hour night classes. Likely to be mostly the lecture/discussion model during class meetings, though also a snack break each time. The usual kinds of reading assignments. But instead of "write three 7 page papers" or something of the sort, there's a final project. On almost anything you want. There's a research component, but it requires only four sources and the written part is only four pages. Mostly it's a project/presentation - creativity encouraged.

Anglican Worship: This is my Typical Graduate Course (if not a typical Seabury course). Read some big thick academic books. Write a longish (20-25 page) paper. Take a final. Listen to lectures.

Missional Preaching: Seminar-style, discussion-oriented, investigative class sessions. Read two books and report in on particular chapters; preach once. Again with the creativity - we're encouraged to reflect on whether our missional preaching will be in the form of a sermon or some other means.

In some ways, it's sort of like a sabbatical. After six terms where classes have mostly involved a collection of 5-10 page papers, this term says to me, "By all means, I want you to continue using your brain in productive ways, but take a term to think really hard, explore some new areas, and do some different kinds of work, instead of the same-old, same-old. Come back again ready to do the work given you to do, even if that's more of the same old stuff." It's going to take time and effort and energy, as well it should - but it offers me a lot in return, I think.

Fall Quarter Gender Balance Award

One word: Boo.

More words: I have now been to each of my fall classes at least once, and am reasonably sure of the books assigned. Therefore, it's time for the quarterly Gender Balance Award. I'm sad to say that no one comes out particularly well this term, but let's see what we have. (I remind my readers that the Gender Balance Award isn't primarily about relative lack of horridness, but about actual achievement.)

Canon Law: One course pack consisting of case studies, which a)doesn't count as a book, and b) doesn't really even have constituent authors in the usual sense. Also the Constitution & Canons of ECUSA and of my diocese, which also don't have authors in the usual sense. Rating: Not really applicable. Nothing by women, but nothing exactly by men, either.

Hebrew: Lexicon, edited (as far as I can tell) by three men. Hebrew Bible - like the Constitution & Canons, there's not much wiggle room on authorship here, nor do we have the usual sort of authors. Grammar - by a man. Grammar key - co-authored by two men and a woman. Rating: Hmm. Well. Not what I'd call good, but not entirely abysmal, for a biblical language class, I guess. Still, I'm supposed to stick by my guns here (also I should find a less militaristic metaphor for that).... We'll call nearly acceptable.

England in the Age of Reform: Three required books, all by men. (This doesn't count, because it's not a book on my shelf, but just to be thorough: instead of two of those books, you can watch a series of DVDs. That's resource is also by a man.) Rating: Unacceptable.

Anglican Worship: Four (big) books. Three by men. One edited by a man and a woman - the man is the theologian and the woman is a publisher. The editorial committee for that one was 2/2 - not bad. The contributors, on the other hand? 7 out of 52 are women. Rating: We'll go with the "nearly acceptable" I gave to Hebrew, I guess. It's better than nothing, but it's still not a book by a woman or fairly divided between men and women.

Missional Preaching: Two books. One by two men. One by a committee that included a couple of women, but more men, and edited by a man. Rating: Unacceptable.

I'm sorry to say it, but the Gender Balance Award will not be given this quarter. I can't bring myself to give an award for anything less than an 'acceptable' rating.

We'll be off winter quarter doing field ed full time, so tune in again in the spring to see whether anyone manages to garner the Gender Balance Award then!

And so it begins.

Tonight's dinner: Tilapia. Rice w/peas. Green bean casserole (yep, just like Grandma used to make). Oh, and rolls. And date cake or spice cake or something like that.

Tonight's conversation with the new chef:
Yodabeth: Hi, Chef.
Chef: Hi.
Y: Is there a vegetarian entree tonight?
C: The green beans are vegetarian.
Y: Yes, thanks. Is there an entree, though?
C: Green beans.
Y: Well, the green beans and rice are veggie, yes. But they're side dishes. So there's no vegetarian entree?
C: No.
Y: Ok.

(Point of order: some of this repetition was to ensure clarity, as English is not the new chef's first language. Her English is pretty good, but it seems to be worth double checking things.)

This is a slightly different approach to training a new chef than I've taken before. That's partly because the old approach hasn't worked all that well, and partly because this chef seems to be very adaptable in other ways. Someone asked "Do we have Cremora here?" and the next day we did, for instance. So I'm starting slow, planting a seed. It was also closer to an entree than, say, a pan of over-steamed vegetables, so that's something, and it's the first day that there's been a problem at all. Plus, at least she didn't think that the fish was vegetarian, which was an initial problem with last year's new chef. I'm hoping that tonight's conversation will inspire a bit of rethinking on her part before we move to actual suggestions. (Empowered and empowering cooks, etc.)

Perhaps I could start a 12-step program for chefs addicted to meat-centered meals. Step One: Admit that green beans (squash, broccoli, etc.) are not an entree. Time will tell whether we've accomplished this step tonight and can move on to step two, or whether we need to spend some more time with step one.

I do like Wippell.

Wippell makes a clergy shirt that fits me. Really well. The collar needs to go up a size, and the sleeves shorten a bit. But that's why they send Wippell reps who know things to measure us and sell us things. Actually, I wasn't looking to buy today - I was looking for Christmas. Which is another great thing about Wippell - Wippell Man put my measurements for that shirt into a gift registry, so that I can send my parents there for Christmas.

Yes, they're expensive. But they're expensive for a reason, which is something that doesn't seem to be true of some clergy outfitters. And while I'll mostly still convert my own blouses, I expect, I also want a couple of really nice official black clergy shirts that look really good and fit really well. Really. And, as Wippell Man pointed out to me, they'll be happy to make me as many as I want. (Which, right now, is probably one.)

mensch

I think I understand now why Davies makes a habit of following every night class with a nightcap. Night classes M-T-W, with GOE prep on Thurs, will be a significant challenge this term.

one of those things

So, one of my former campers has an away message up saying "So I'm writing a paper about "Attitudes Toward Sex in Antebellum America"... it's pretty damn sweet." The thing is, I was amazed to realize that she's now in college. I had her as a Program Aide when I worked resident camp - so, when she was 12 or 13. Funny how six years turns that into 18 or 19... but I still can't quite picture her as anything but "the camper who worked in the horse barn but didn't like showers."

whee!

PSU 6 - OSU 28 ... because of TWO interceptions for touchdowns in the last ten minutes of the game. That's the closest I've come to really joyful in a good while.

Someday, maybe, I'll learn to root for teams that don't only settle things in the last inning/quarter/period of the game - but it's kind of exciting this way, if also stressful.

Done

Orientation = done. There will be a follow-up meeting of some sort so that Court can drill Raisin and me on what he needs to know, but as now, I'm basically no longer an orientation chair. I like being an orientation chair, but this is an intense relief.

... followed by annoyance

So, to end my day, which wasn't stellar to begin with (for no particular reason - things went fine, it just wasn't a great day)?

1) I've lost my keys. I first missed them after dinner and I know I had them when I ran to get a Bible for Taize, so they ought to be by the mailboxes or in the chapel or refectory, or in my room. But I can't find them. I am at least into my room for now, though.

2) A friend called to tell me that she's about to restart the ordination process for the third time. The problem? Mostly that she's a lesbian. Not partnered, even (no, it shouldn't make a difference, but it sometimes does), but out. She was about to be licensed (she's Amer. Bapt., not Episcopalian) this month, but now she's got to restart.

So I'm frustrated with myself, and angry at the church. An excellent end to the day.

Relief

If I am reading my syllabus correctly, it seems that our quiz on the Hebrew alphabet will not be until Tuesday. I was so not looking forward to having a quiz during orientation - but now I see there is none scheduled then. I hope class substantiates this relief and does not destroy it.

If you must

I can hear murmurs across the hall. I want to poke my head in over there (a surprisingly easy thing right now, since their suite door doesn't close, but we'll work on that) and say "No, you silly things, go back to bed! Sleep while you can!" I understand that even if they're not morning people (which they may be), it's the first morning of orientation and they both want showers and probably breakfast before morning prayer. I'm sure I wanted the same two years ago. But I personally would rather not have been up before 7, and therefore feel as though they ought to sleep as late as possible.

I'm going to make either a terrible or an excellent mother someday (I hope). At any rate, I do have to be up now, because I am a Mighty Tri-Chair and must ensure that the newbies have breakfast to eat. So off I go.

Yes

What she said.

***

(Actually, what I wish she'd said at the beginning, is that she doesn't understand the "argument" of "If x is true, the following horrible things will happen; therefore x is false." But otherwise, I think she's spot-on.)

Out of straws

Some of you may recall last Thursday's cockroach sighting in the common room. The truly attentive may even remember last year's tempest in the teapot, so to speak. Last year, we traced them to the utility sink in the stairwell, and the maintenance crew disposed of them. Last week, I let it go since I only saw one once.

Tonight, I turned on my bedroom light and - another? the same? - cockroach ran between my legs and under my bed.

I remind my readers that bugs do not, as a general rule, bother me all that much. But cockroaches do not belong in my indoor quarters. Especially not indoor quarters which I've cleaned top to bottom at least once, and in some parts twice or more, in the last ten days. (Though I've been advised that the men's suite which shares a wall with mine is not so clean as mine - and there's a door between the two suites which is only blocked up enough to keep humans from passing between.)

I, myself, am unsettled. Unsettled and thoroughly displeased.

But the worst part is that tomorrow I get one new suitemate and Sunday I get another. They're new to Seabury altogether, and while I don't know that the roach(es) have made it to the other side of the suite, I suspect it won't be long, at least. It is thoroughly unfair and inhospitable to subject new residents to roaches.

So tomorrow, although it is Saturday, I will make some phone calls and arrange for someone to do something about the situation.

Perhaps it's a good thing that this happened the night before I have to get up at 5 anyway. It's not like I was planning on sleeping in....

Confessions of a Teenage Lizard

Oh. My. Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen? So bad. So incredibly hilarious. You can read the liveblogged version over at Pastor V's. As he says, the movie has true contemporary resonance.

Not quite the same sort of resonance as Godzilla, though. He's from France. You know how the French are. Very resonant.

This might or might not have made more sense if I'd blogged it live. Next time we'll try to liveblog in sync. Or something.

(Ok, I've had too much pizza and ice cream and laughter, and I'm a little loopy. But it's a happy loopy.)

Nooooo!

Indigo Girls tour dates in cities where I might possibly be:

Cleveland, Oct 22* - This is a Sunday. I suppose it wouldn't be impossible - but see below.

St Louis, Oct 26 - Well, Oct 27-28 are my diocesan convention, and seniors are required to go. So I'll be heading to Cleveland that day.

Chicago, Oct 27, 28 - See above.

I. Am. Not. Happy.

*I've actually danced several times on the stage where they're playing this concert. That would be cooler if I could, you know, GO.

We interrupt this orientation obsession...

My preaching professor just pointed me to this comic strip from Sunday. Said it reminded him of me.

Fairy Land!

A mini fairy land came today in my mail from two of my favorite people. It has a pink carraige, and two pink thrones with heart backs, and a horse and a pegasus and a swan and two doves, and a prince and princess and a fairy prince and fairy princess, and a magic mirror. The fairies have a little trouble standing up, but they're fairies. The largest piece is the carraige, which is about as long as my thumb (and my thumb isn't all that big).

It's all very fun. Thanks, guys!

Channels!

I am, of course, watching the Ohio State - Texas game right now. That's not amazing. What's amazing is that I'm watching it in MY OWN SUITE. Yes - I broke down about 6:30 and went to Target to buy the best TV antenna they could sell me. Granted, when my parents' reception looks like this, they call the TV guys to have it fixed, but for my brick penthouse, a little snow ain't bad. I can sit on my own couch and eat guacamole and drink wine in my own space, and even blog in front of the game, because I have channels now!

In case anyone had forgotten, or somehow missed it

Mary Louise Parker is gorgeous.

Just fyi.

My Autobiography (meme)

Ok, I wasn't going to do this because it's long, but since no one is in the offices to do business with, and I saw it on two blogs in a row on my RSS, I am. But, I think I should state that I think "My autobiography" is a dumb meme title.

Fill this out in your own words and repost as, "My autobiography."

1.Where did you take or get your profile picture?
Don't have one.

2.What exactly are you wearing right now?
My usual dark brown leather sandals, short denim skirt, deep purple strappy tank, white eyelet short-sleeve blouse (unbuttoned). (I should probably qualify that - in my world "short skirt" means "above the knee but decidedly longer than it is wide")

3.What is your current problem?
Hmm. Well, we're a little behind on some of the details for new student orientation. I guess that's what happens when none of the tri-chairs are really on campus much of the summer.

4.What makes you most happy?
Spending time with really good friends

5.What's the name of the song that you're listening to?
Do You Hear What I Hear? - because it still plays in my head whenever I hear a siren, such as the one passing us now.

6.Has anyone you've been really close with passed away?
Yes

7.Do you ever watch MTV?
Ever? I have watched it, yes, but never on a regular basis and not in a long time.

8.What's something that really annoys you?
Cockroaches in a newly cleaned apartment.

Chapter 1:All About You

1.Middle name:
Amy (And yes, if my brother had been a girl, he'd have been Meg)

2.Nickname(s):
Besides Beth? Spud, primarily, or diminutives thereof. But also Yoda, Bo, Chameleon, Opal, and probably a few others at times. (Yeah, I grew up at Girl Scout camp.)

3.Current location:
The far, far right edge of the futon in my common room

4.Eye color:
Blue

Chapter 2:Family

1.Do you live with your parents:
No

2.Do you get along with your parent(s):
Yes

3.Are your parents married/separated/divorced
Married

4.Do you have any Siblings?:
1 little brother

Chapter 3: favorite...

1. Ice Cream:
Um. Hmm. Favorite. You mean just one? Well, I like mint chocolate chip a lot. And cookies and cream. And peppermint stick. And Phish Food. And Dove Irresistably Raspberry. And...

2.Season:
I don't have a favorite season so much as I really, really like the beginning of each season. So, right now my favorite season is fall, but really I like the novelty of it.

3.Shampoo/conditioner:
At the moment, Suave Daily Clarifying Shampoo and Dove something moisturizing conditioner. But I switch around, mostly between those brands. They're cheap.

Chapter 4: Do You..

1.Dance in the shower:
Clearly you've never seen my shower. I can barely shower in my shower.

2.Write on your hand:
Well, I try to avoid it. But eventually, if I keep forgetting a thing, I usually will.

3.Call people back:
Yes. But occasionally it takes me a ridiculously long time.

4.Believe in love:
Well, yeah.

5.Sleep on a certain side of the bed
Yeah, the top side, generally. (No, really, when I'm in a double bed I generally sleep on the right side.

6. Any bad habits:
Yes.

7. Any mental health issues?
Nothing diagnosed.

Chapter 5: Have You...

1.Broken a bone:
No

2.Sprained stuff:
That's an interesting question. I've never been treated for a sprain, but five years ago I fell on my thumb while taping a circle on the floor, and it got puffy and purple and took a really long time to heal and still doesn't look quite the same as the other one. So, maybe.

3.Had physical therapy?:
Nay

4.Gotten stitches:
Nein

5.Taken Pain killers?
Yes

6.Gone SCUBA diving or snorkeling:
No

7.Been stung by a bee:
Yes

8.Thrown up at the dentist:
No

9.Sworn in front of your parents:
Yes

10.Had detention:
That's another interesting question. I don't remember ever being in detention, though I seem to remember my whole class being assigned detention once or twice. Possibly I just got out of those. NO. WAIT. I do remember one detention - several friends of mine were making "candy carrots" (carrots with other lunch foods/drinks mixed in) at lunch one day in third grade, at the table where I was sitting (not actually participating). The lunch lady decided we all needed to sit at the detention table for a few days for playing with food, because no one would take the blame for it. I was the only one whose mother didn't call the principal and insist that her darling daughter couldn't possibly sit at the detention table - so while my friends were back making more candy carrots the next two days, I was sitting at the detention table alone.

11.Been sent to the principal's office:
No. This one I'm sure about.

12.Been called a ho?
See Chapter 2, answer 4, about having a little brother.

Chapter 6: Who/What was the last

1.Movie(s):
I assume you mean the last one I myself saw, which would be Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind. Or maybe Fellowship of the Ring. I don't remember in which order I watched them.

2.Person to text you:
Hmm. No one texts me now, but we used to text all the time in Germany. So, one of the other Smithies I went to Germany with, I guess - probably Jessica.

3.Person you called:
Lauren

4.Person you hugged:
Milner, at the peace this morning.

5.Person you tackled?
Um. I can't say for sure, because I can't remember the last time I tackled someone. But I'd say my little brother is probably a good guess.

6.Thing you touched:
Ok, this is a ridiculous question. This is a MEME. I am touching my keyboard. Right. Now.

7.Thing you ate:
Hmm. Either a piece of popcorn or a Gobstopper.

8.Thing you drank:
Water

9.Thing you said:
Bye

10.Friend you miss the most that has moved:
HopeandAndrew

Survey says...

Your Fashion Style is Girly

You dress to look beautiful and show off what you've got Dresses, skirts, heels... whatever it takes to turn heads You love feeling like a girl in any setting Even your workout clothes are cute and feminine!

What's Your Fashion Style?

Of course, I was also remarkably close to this:

Your Fashion Style is Sporty

You're a natural beauty who doesn't need fancy clothes to look good You prefer your clothes to be comfortable, so you can stay on the go For you, femininity is not how you wear - but how you wear it. Still, don't be afraid to show off that great body in a dress or skirt!

What's Your Fashion Style?

Or this:

Your Fashion Style is Classic

You like what's stood the test of time... Simple, well styled clothes that don't scream trendy You stay updated and modern, but your clothes stay in style for a while You wouldn't be caught in animal prints, fake fur, or super bright colors

What's Your Fashion Style?

But they didn't tell me what kind of party I was dressing for, so I didn't know which outfit to pick. Personally, I suspect I'm more the last one - out of sheer fashion laziness.

Delightful

After Hebrew class this morning, I met up with Pippa for the day. Those of you who know Pippa will not be surprised that it was a delightful day, but somehow it was even more delightful than expected. Perhaps I've just been away awhile. At any rate, we packed a picnic lunch - hummus sandwiches, fresh guacamole, chips, carrots, and a bit of pomegranate - and took it out the the Botanic Garden. After lunch we walked the gardens, which are considerably more spectacular in September than in March, came back, and played a game of Mille Borne. After doing our afternoon chores, we made dinner - microwave gourmet: spaghetti and salad - then played a few games of Sequence, then went for gelato. Then we watched Belles on Their Toes, complete with commentary (we'd both seen it before), and played a few games of Uno. Things got a bit exciting in the middle of the movie when Pippa asked "What's that?" and I followed her gaze to a cockroach crawling across the common room floor. I don't mind a few bugs, but I do mind cockroaches in my living quarters (as I've mentioned). Since I just got back in town and spent the last two days cleaning, I fail to see how this can in any way be my own fault. Tomorrow, a work order. Anyway, I'm unusually exhausted for 10 pm (of course, I've also been waking up before my alarm recently), but very satisfied. It was a fun day.

In more mundane news...

(Ok, the last post was pretty mundane too. Whatever.)

I have spent two days unpacking, cleaning, etc. My space is now not only livable but ready for guests. This is lucky, since I have one coming for at least the day and possibly the night tomorrow, and she tends more toward the neat side than I do. There are still a few things scattered about - I haven't yet taken my vestments to be laundered, for instance, so they're over the back of the futon. But it looks like a place someone lives, rather than a place someone stores things. Also, the floors are clean. That's more of a rare treat for me than it ought to be, but there you are.

In the midst of all this, I have also managed to have two meals with friends, do a bit of cooking, eat healthy raw foods (like the yummy salad I had for first lunch today), watch two movies and ten episodes of West Wing, and do my Hebrew homework. The Hebrew homework is a strange sort of challenge, in that the assignment itself isn't tough - we're to greet each other and at least two professors in Hebrew between classe sessions, as well as practicing a particular setting of the Hamotzi. The tough thing is that I and the other Seabury students aren't actually in class yet except for Hebrew - so I barely see him, and have not seen professors at all. My solution? I have been greeting my computer in Hebrew when talking with a professor online. (We're also not supposed to write any form of Hebrew yet.)

So, by special request for those of you who complained that reading my blog didn't tell you what I did all summer, that's what I've done the last two days.

Giggle

So, today I received a lovely note from my summer rector.

In an envelope addressed:

The Getting Close to Reverend Beth

It made me giggle.

Back

I've returned safely to Evanston, and have convinced my wireless to work again. I'm grateful to have returned to a suite that wasn't covered in an inch of dust, and to keys in my mailbox, and to friends who helped move my things in from the car. I've also started Hebrew class, and am hard at unpacking and cleaning and grocery shopping and other tasks of moving back in.

It's been noted that my entries this summer didn't tell much about what I'd actually been doing. I'll try to remedy that now that I'm back without the distraction of family.

Popping in

I made it through my grandmother's birthday celebration, triple preaching this morning, and the family at our house this afternoon. (Turns out that when my brother and his fiancee leave, I become the coolest playmate available for my cousin's kids, who are 8 and 5.)

There's still a bit of family here, but it's time for me to finish packing my bags and start packing the car now. Tomorrow, Evanston!

Friday Five: Life in the Fast Lane

(Obviously, I'm making a lot of progress on that sermon.)

1. Driving: an enjoyable way to clear the mind? a means to an end? a chance to be quiet with one's thoughts? a necessary evil? the downfall of our planet and its fossil fuels? Discuss. Usually, a means to an end. I enjoy it, most of the time, but I don't usually drive to clear the mind - especially since I believe that driving is best undertaken while the mind is already pretty clear.

2. Do you drive the speed limit? A little faster? Slower? Have you ever gotten a ticket? I tend to drive a little faster than the speed limit - by which I mean, mostly I drive about 5 miles faster and occasionally I drive a fair bit faster.

3. Do you take public transportation? When? What's your opinion of the experience? When it seems reasonable. When I'm in Chicago, I usually take public instead of driving if at all feasible, though I don't mind if someone else drives. When I'm in Cleveland, it's almost never reasonable - there's not much of it, and the nearest park-and-ride is fifteen minutes away in the opposite direction from the city, so taking the rapid to ball games isn't really a strong option for us.

4. Complete this sentence: _____________ has the worst drivers I've ever experienced. St. Louis, no question. Especially in the parking lots of grocery stores (especially the Schnuck's in Richmond Heights).

5. According to the Census Bureau, reverendmother's fair city has the 6th longest average commute in the United States at 29 minutes each way. How does your personal commute rate? Well, at the moment, my commute is pretty short - from my bedroom to my kitchen table it takes me about 20-25 seconds. My commute this summer to work was about 20-25 minutes each way (exactly average for my city, the 31st in the nation at 23.5 minutes). My commute at school is somewhere in between - about two and a half minutes from my third floor suite to the second floor classrooms or the first floor chapel.

Bonus for the brutally honest: It has been said, and the MythBusters have confirmed, that cell phones can impede driving ability almost as much as drinking. Do you talk on a cell phone while driving? Rarely. I do it more in Cleveland than in Chicago, because my parents' house has bad reception, but I think I've still only done it once all summer. I do answer the phone while driving unless it's immediately stupid to do so, but I usually talk just long enough to know there's no emergency and then say "I'm driving. Good-bye."

Reason #13, 497 Why I Am Not Cut Out For A Rector

I love preaching (yeah, I know), but sermon writing/prep makes me absolutely batty and desperate. Ok, let me qualify that. Trying to craft sermons longer than about six minutes makes me absolutely batty and desperate. Crafting 3-7 minute sermons is still kind of fun, even a couple of weeks in a row. Still, I'm glad to be looking in a direction that's less likely to include someone expecting me to preach 10-15 minutes every week for thirty years running.

Also

Does anyone know why about every other time I open Mozilla (where my home page is Blogger Home) it says the document has no data, and the other times it works fine? It's been happening for, oh, three days now?

P.S.

Smith College lets alumnae change their address online, with a link on the front page of its alumnae section. I'm just sayin'.

How to change your billing address in the technology age

11:15: Log on to (Visa, MasterCard, etc) website
11:18: Figure out that you need to go to sponsoring bank's website
11:19: Log on to bank site
11:22: Discover that you can't do it online, or at least can't figure out how to right now
11:23: Call number on back of card
11:25: Finally get to main menu
11:26: Discover that "for address" means "if you want ours"
11:27: Return to main menu
11:28: Press 0 to speak with a representative
11:29: Begin blogging about changing billing address
11:32: Speak with customer service representative
11:33: Convince her that you really do want to change billing address
11:35: Establish new billing address
11:37: Finish rejecting other associated offers
11:38: Post

Time to go

There are things I like to do with people, and there are things I like to do alone. Sermon writing and packing are things I do best when left to my own devices. Unfortunately, they also seem to be things about which my parents want to advise me. I do not blame my parents for the fact that I'm unhappy with several parts of tomorrow's sermon. It is not at all their fault that I seem to be in a rut right now (not a preaching-the-same-thing-every-week one, but the kind where I seem to be utterly unable to fix the mistakes that I know are there). It's also not an invitation for them to explain to me what I should do about it (especially since neither of them has ever actually DONE it. Come to think of it, I'm not sure the last time either of them wrote anything other than an email or a memo.)

It's time for me to get back to Evanston - unfortunately, I've got another week, in which I still have to pack all my stuff, fix this sermon as best I can, write another one for next Sunday, and spend a lot of family time.

Then Again, Maybe I Won't

I was going to write you a beautiful poem...

I mean, I was going to write you all a real, actual post. Then my mother called and asked me to come help reorganize her new library (she's recently become the high school librarian). And you know how I feel about organizing books....

Very Model of a Modern Minor Generalist

So, I was just listening to my iTunes, which includes a couple of uploaded albums from my flirting-with-fundamentalism period - and by "couple" I might actually just mean "one," Steven Curtis Chapman's Heaven in the Real World album.* I'm not sure there are any others in there. Anyway, "Dancing with the Dinosaur" came up, and it occurred to me that the lyrics to that particular song read somewhat like a modernist Christian anthem. It starts out:

Once upon a time not so long ago in a land not so far away
Right and wrong were not quite so hard to know
And black and white were not so gray

Then there's the bridge:

Right is right and wrong is wrong just like it has been along
We cannot sit by and see conscience become history
So come on, get up and dance
Dance this dance with me
(Gonna keep on dancing, gonna keep on dancing with the dinosaur
Gonna keep on dancing, gonna keep on dancing with the dinosaur)

I've been reading about postmodernism, theology, and Scripture the last couple of weeks, and continuing to discover how many of my long-standing (read: since before memory) habits and tendencies fall under that umbrella. Suddenly, I'm a little clearer on why parts of that song never quite sat well with me. (Yeah, I never really made a very good fundamentalist. I dropped it about as soon as I figured out that "serious Christian" didn't have to equate to "fundamentalist." Which, really, didn't take that long.) It might be interesting to spend a little more time thinking about the ways this particular song, artist, and/or genre are or are not thoroughly intertwined with/dependent on modernism. (For instance, he seems to assume that before the "tolerance movement" everyone (at least in the Church) saw things as black and white all the time, whereas I think Augustine's work on grace and free will pretty well shoots that down all by itself.) I wouldn't be surprised, really, to learn that someone's already doing/done this with the genre, but this song seems particularly useful for that kind of investigation.

While I'm at it

While I'm here and book posting, this one came from the Little Professor: Which authors dominate your shelves? (Domination = five or more books)

This is from memory, since most of my books are at school, but here's a guess: Louisa May Alcott, Madeleine L'Engle, Maud Hart Lovelace, L.M. Montgomery, J.K. Rowling, Valerie Tripp, Shakespeare, Ann M. Martin, Toni Morrison, Laura Ingalls Wilder, Irving Stone... ok, I'm not sure I can think of any from my shelves at school that I have in such volume, except L'Engle. (I do not count either General Convention or the Standing Committee on Liturgy and Music as an author.) These are all from home.

I'll keep thinking, but now it's time for shower and bed.

If Ryan's posting, I am too.

(For clarity's sake, I mean this Ryan.)


1. One book that changed your life:
Madeleine L'Engle, A Swiftly Tilting Planet

2. One book that you’ve read more than once:
Louisa May Alcott, Little Women is the first one that came to mind.

3. One book you’d want on a desert island:
The Bible (Since that's not a terribly interesting answer in these circles, if I could have two I'd also want Little Women.)

4. One book that made you laugh:
Jon Stewart (&co.), America (the book)

5. One book that made you cry:
Nicholas Wolsterstorff, Lament for a Son - five lines in, and all the way through

6. One book that you wish had been written:
Rumor has it that, before she left the public eye, Madeleine L'Engle was working on a novel about Meg Murry after her kids have left home....

7. One book that you wish you had never read:
Alas, Babylon. That's 90 minutes of my life I'll never get back.

8. One book you’re currently reading:
Stephen Fowl, Engaging Scripture

9. One book you’ve been meaning to read:
Augustine's Confessions

Spud! camp! yay!

YAY!!! I just got off the phone, and the universe seems to like me today. After 30 minutes on two different phone calls, it works out that:

~I'm supposed to be at day camp on Tues on a day off.
~Core Camp needs someone tomorrow.
~I'm off tomorrow.
~Parishioner died today, which was expected. (93 years old, had major stroke on Sunday.)
~The funeral is not until Monday.
~Our on-call/supply/future part-time priest and parish administrator are doing all the prep work, which is minimal.

Ergo: I still get to do both camp gigs, without interfering in the slightest with my pastoral responsibilities. YAY!!!! I'm going to my camps! Both of them! Soon!

Also, on my way out to core camp tonight, I'm stopping to have dinner with a camp friend and meet her daughter, who she adopted right after I started seminary.

Hrmph

Kristian - if you happen to read this, my parents' house has terrible phone reception, especially during the summer storms we've been getting, and I've lost your email address. Sorry - hope to connect soon!

Maybe not all the way there...

I've been feeling much more like my parents' house is home than I have in several years. This makes sense, really - it's been a while since I've lived here consistently. Today, though, I was reminded that we're not really all the way there yet.

I had to look up directions to a house within walking distance of my parents' house, only a few houses away from the house where my grammar school best friend lived. I have been back and forth between her house and mine countless times, even on my own. I just haven't done it in over ten years.

Amazing what being home can do to a girl...

I'm sitting at the kitchen table watching A Philadelphia Story and buffing my nails. I've never in my life buffed my nails before, but I've been reading my childhood novels lately, from a time and place where nail polish wasn't yet socially acceptable, and I've been inspired to buff my nails. It's astounding, really, what a difference mere buffing makes. I may not even get around to paint them at all, they're so pretty just filed and buffed.

I do like Keira Knightley...

Which Pirates of the Caribbean character are you?

Aberration

Ok, season 6 of West Wing does in fact bite, and the Canadian invasion thing is a little forced, but overall, "A Good Day" is really a decent episode. It's nice to have a breath of fresh writing in the middle of the season.

(Yeah, I know I'm a little behind. Don't anyone tell me anything about the rest of the series - if Susie can keep from telling me about it, you can too.)

Hi there!

I expect to be around here a bit more now - my parents now have working wireless! My mother recently bought a new laptop for her new work, and she needed to be able to access the internet, but didn't want to leave my dad without internet at home, so they got wireless. The computer guys have finally, after a week or so, figured out how to hook the old one up to dsl and the new one up to wireless on the same system. (Turns out, hooking in my iBook, not so difficult.) So, I can now blog and especially read blogs much more easily. (Yay for having my RSS feed back!) I can't guarantee I'll have much to say, as usual, but I can say it now.

Link

Those who follow debates over interpretations of Scripture, particularly in the current Anglican climate, may find this Sermon on the Current Dispute Over Turning Off Cellphones in the British Library Reading Rooms more amusing than those who don't follow such debates, but it's worth reading either way.

For my part, I've already read it, so I'm heading back to Rory and Ryan and Kate's house to shower and iron and warble in preparation for Hope and Andrew's ordination to the priesthood tonight.

Oops

No, I'm not traumatized by the PB election, nor anything of the sort. I've just been crazy busy for the last week. I'm trying to put in a little extra time right now because I'll be out of the office Weds-Sat this week, plus I have to get ready for the ordinations and wedding themselves. Also, living with my parents, while wonderful, takes up more time than living by myself. We've been to a ball game, driven out to my cousin's engagement party (finally - they've been dating for six years), hosted my brother's financial advising welcome event, etc. So when I have had a couple of minutes, they've mostly been devoted to laundry, ironing, cooking, or sleeping.

As to my last post - I'd been highly concerned about how Bishop Jefferts Schori had gotten elected, based on things I'd heard from various sources around Convention the previous couple of days. In the days since, it's become pretty clear to me that the bishops responded to her capacity, leadership, maturity, and clear-headedness rather than pushing for a particular agenda (either right or left), though it's entirely possible that was an element also. I'm still slightly concerned about international ramifications, but mostly I'm just very pleased at their choice.

Not now

I'm entirely too conflicted to comment on the election of Jefferts Schiori as Presiding Bishop right now. I'll try to work something out here later.

For the record

I object to having to get up before 7 more than once in the same week. Really, I'd just as soon be able to sleep until 8 every day and 9 or 10 once every couple of weeks, but I accept that 8:00 services don't really allow that schedule. I just don't think I should have to do it on other days besides Sunday.

I danced!

Tonight, I went back to my old studio and braved the advanced class at my old dance studio. I'm relieved to report that my body still remembers a lot. Mentally, I can still keep up, and physically I'm not even doing all that badly. Am I out of shape? Yes. I'm a little slower, considerably less flexible, and significantly rounder than I was when I stopped dancing. (Although, skinny seems to have gone out of vogue in that studio - I was by no means unusually large for that class, which was both nice and odd.) But my turnout is still as good as my bone structure will allow, I can still pick up combinations about as well as most of the girls (even if it's because I'm paying better attention), and it didn't hurt too much. (I kept going back and forth during barre between wanting to push myself and wanting not to injure myself. Then I pushed my leg a little too high during an arabesque and decided to go for not injuring myself. Hey, I never said I liked being out of shape....) Sadly, the only plain technique class this summer is Tuesdays at 4:15, which is a little tough with work, but I'm told I can come learn choreography for the fall performance and stand in for missing dancers, and there's an adult beginners class, so I should be able to take some classes, anyway. I'm pretty excited about it (can you tell?).

The short version

is that the job is going very well. I've written one newsletter article and started a second, both of which are due Thursday; made two hospital visits; helped with a community meal that the church runs; read book one of Bede's Ecclesiastical History; made a couple of phone calls to parishioners; explained the magic of converting clergy shirts to the office staff; and been to a staff meeting, two liturgies, and a youth pool party. Oh, and my rector is off at General Convention and won't be back until Thursday, so I've been learning the ropes on my own, which has been sort of fun.

Meme

We haven't had a meme here this month... so here's one from Badgering.

5 Items in my Fridge:

1. Hummus
2. Leftover pierogies and peas
3. Leftover peas with no pierogies
4. Lots of yogurt
5. Sam Adams Summertime

5 Items in my Closet:

1. Fun new brown striped summer work pants
2. New turquoise sleeveless blouse with covered buttons that will be a clergy shirt when it grows up
3. New polka-dotted two piece dress outfit (yeah, ok, it looks better than it sounds)
4. New turquoise linen jacket (yay!)
5. New eyelet short-sleeved blouses

5 Items in my Car:

1. Road atlas
2. Box of books to read at work
3. Prayer book/hymnal
4. Collars and electrical tape, for hospital visits
5. Broken hanger pieces (from Thanksgiving still)

5 Items in my Purse:

1. Wallet
2. Sunglasses
3. Burt's Bees Champagne Lip Shimmer
4. Phone
5. Rosary

5 Items on my Desk: I am the Incredible Movable Intern With No Real Desk right now, but on my desk in my room at home I have:

1. Old magazines
2. Sophomore yearbook from high school, because I was looking someone up last time I was home and my parents have decided to store my yearbooks on a high shelf where I can't put it away
3. Orientation CD
4. Diocesan aid form
5. The picture of Yoda that Emily ripped out of her high school ethics textbook for me

5 Items Flowering in my Garden:
1. Little spiky white things
2. Slightly bigger, slightly less spiky, two-toned pink things
3. Little pink things
4. Peonies
5. Roses

In Which Yodabeth Discovers "Summer Clothing"

Growing up, clothing divided into three categories: church/dressy, school, and play. As an adult, that's become: church/dressy, school, and camp. Indeed, church/dressy includes a remarkably well filled out professional wardrobe for someone who's 25 and only ever worked campus ministry and camp jobs. As far as I'm concerned, professional clothing involves blouses, gray/black/chocolate pants (often wool or lined or both), long dark skirts, suits, etc. You have clothes for the academic year, and you have clothes for the camp season. And when you work in a hospital instead of a camp for a summer, you wear the former, because it's a professional (and highly air-conditioned) environment.

Today I discovered that not all clothing falls into the binary division of "fall/winter" or "camp". Today, I sat (figuratively) at my mother's knee and learned of a thing called "summer clothing." Today, my parents and I went to the outlets, where I acquired things like sleeveless and short-sleeved blouses, knee length skirts with bright colors, and ankle-length pants (some of which are pale). Today, my mother and Jane came very close to convincing me that a long black linen skirt with a nice top (not a blouse!) will be an entirely professional outfit for my first day at my internship parish tomorrow. I still have my suspicions, but since I am not yet permitted to retreat into clericals, I will wear this outfit, and I will act professional enough that there will be no doubt as to whether I ought to be working there. (Admittedly, the action/speech part is the more important part of the professionalism equation even in indubitably professional clothing.) I am informed that in the 21st century, a suit on a summer Sunday, or even a more formal blouse, will be overdoing it, even for an intern on her first Sunday at the church.

I am now trying to accustom myself to this new reality. My camp wardrobe is in a camping pack in the basement. My winter clothes are (mostly) in Evanston. Instead of either, the closet contains things suitable for summer work wear. (Ok, so it also has most of my blouses and a lot of my winter pants. I change slowly.)

Tune in tomorrow night to find out what happens when I show up in the aforementioned suit-free outfit!

Arrived

I've made it back to the Cleveland area, gone to my father's retirement party, and am now settling in at my parents' house.

Say hey hey...

While cleaning and packing today, I found the disk of 2004 camp pictures and loaded them onto my computer. I just took a few minutes to look at them again, and I'd forgotten just how much fun that summer was. Yes, the summer had its disasters and its crazy-making parts - for instance, camp pictures should by all rights exclude scenes of me sitting at my computer working in the office. But 2004, especially for Core Camp, we had the best camp staff I've ever ever worked with, and there was no way it was not going to be fun. You could make a lot of camp brochures with happy and capable-looking staff out of the pictures from that summer. I know I'm doing what I need to do for this summer, but I suspect it won't include hysterical scenes of the staff trying to relearn handstands or make marshmallow taffy with our hands or form a crew of Cereal Pirates. I miss my traveling circus!!!

Green trees around us
Blue skies above
Friends all around us
In a world filled with love
Taps sounding softly
Hearts beating true
As we all say
Goodnight to you....

Popping in...

No, I'm not still stuck in the paper. Yes, I finished it. Yes, I have my doubts about it, but I'm not enumerating them here where my professor can read my doubts before my paper. Yes, we've finished both classes and graduation. I've also done three parties, one Official Trustee Dinner, and an ordination; tomorrow I'll go to an installation, Monday a curriculum meeting and lunch, Tuesday a lunch meeting about my field ed, games with Pippa, and Tuesday night dinner... etc. I leave for Cleveland-y parts on Friday, then Saturday I go shopping for summer clothes that aren't camp-appropriate, and Sunday I start my internship - which is an 11-week parish gig.

So while I think I'll be around more starting tomorrow (heck, I haven't even read blogs since Wednesday, I don't think) - if I'm not, you'll know why.

crap.

I've been plugging right along on my Matthew paper, and was feeling encouraged that this was really going to happen in the time remaining before the due date without too much blood and tears. But now I'm stuck. Stuck, stuck, stuck. I'm about a quarter of the way down page 12 of what I think will be 17 pages, and I'm stuck. I've got an outline that tells me what I'm supposed to talk about, but suddenly none of it makes sense to me anymore. I have nothing to say. Where did all my thoughts go??? When I left at 5:30, I was totally into the paper. Now, nothing. Grr.

Hot, hot, hot

This won't be news to anyone who reads the paper or watches TV news, or who lives up this way, but it's HOT. 92 degrees Fahrenheit (at 7:30 pm!) is not exactly paper-writing weather. It's not exactly what I think of as May weather, either. Have I mentioned that I'm really excited to be living in air-conditioning this summer? I've still got my windows shut in the common room, because I'm pretty sure it's actually still hotter outside than in here, but it's not what I'd call comfortable either. I think this is a good time to run down to the library and find that footnote I'm missing.

Status messages

Middler student: "five more days of torture"

Senior student: "1 blessed week until graduation!"


Ah, perspective....

Except not really...

Ok, I really am about to go finish a paper, but I was just looking at Commencement pictures on Smith's website (trying originally to find a picture of Davis Center to link to), and I had to share. There is a picture of the '81 alums in the Ivy Day parade that shows one holding a sign on which is printed "'81: When the greatest risk of sex was pregnancy."

Um. Wow. Ok. I know this is a women's college, and there are fewer occurrences of STDs on women's college campuses than on coed campuses, partly because lesbian sex tends to be a little safer as far as diseases go - but is she serious? Just because you thought the greatest risk was pregnancy doesn't mean it was true, woman - STDs have been around for years and years and years - and especially now that we know way more about sex, disease, and the early 80s than anyone did then, why on earth would you make such a claim?

I think I'm glad the picture doesn't show the face of the woman holding that sign. Ugh.

Long time passing...

I've been away a few days, and I'll probably be away a few more. It's that time of the term, and finishing off the Awards Night service last night really only means it's time to buckle down hard* and finish off the last couple of papers (which unfortunately are more sizeable than most papers here). I've just scheduled out every hour between now and Wednesday morning, and blogging doesn't make an appearance.**

*What Seabury needs is Davis Center. That is, not really, because I'm probably much healthier for not having easy access to Davis french fries and Seattle's Best Coffee, but in an ideal world. (And yes, I know that Smith no longer has Davis either, which is a travesty, and that NU's Norris Center is not that far away, but Norris doesn't have quite the charm that Davis Center had, not being located in a big yellow 19th century New England house with a ballroom upstairs.)

**Well, every hour between 8:30 this morning and next Wednesday - I refuse to count the next two hours as real time, since by all rights I ought to be asleep. I am, however, about to go see what I can magically accomplish in that time on no sleep.

Books! More of them!

I'll post my own thoughts in response to this later, but for now here's an interesting link to a post about the question "What's the best work of American fiction in the last 25 years?"

Cabbages and Kings

Center of Gravitas has an excellent post today about misogyny, from the recent Burger King ad to disgusting behavior by a local classroom king. It's worth a read.

(By the way, does anyone else find it odd that the fast food chain airing that ad is also the only one with a decent veggie burger?)

Go. Now.

Many of you will already have seen this link on AKMA's blog, but if you haven't, go now and read Holyoffice's Very Short Guide to Christianity. Don't miss the christology addendum in the comments. (2005 GOE takers will be pleased to note that he begins by defining premillenialism.)

Mothers and fathers...

So, I've got mixed feelings about Mother's Day, for a lot of the usual reasons - I love my mother and my grandmothers and like having a day to celebrate them, but I know any number of people for whom it's a day to miss their mothers or to wish they had different relationships with their mothers, or who can't have children, or who are raising them under problematic circumstances, or children who never had a mother to begin with, or, or.... This is especially true as I get further into adulthood and have to ponder the chances of ever being a mother myself.

Still, I like Mother's Day and Father's Day as long as I don't think too hard about it. If I didn't have two significant papers looming, I'd be working on a project that's in the back of my head - an art piece using images from my family's history - both sides, pieces we'd rather not think about (plantations, for instance), pieces we're proud of (signing the Declaration, Lucretia Coffin Mott, etc). If I could pull it off well, it would make a good mother's/father's day gift to my parents. I might try my hand at it this summer when I'm home, even though it will be badly timed for a gift.

Instead - well, I was going to offer a Mother's Day song. But I can't find the lyrics anywhere and I don't myself own the recording (my mother does). So, um, happy Mother's Day, everyone.

Alleluia

So, I passed the one-year mark of good health a month ago, and didn't really think much of it. Too busy, I guess, plus good physical health has been something I've mostly taken for granted throughout my life.

Tonight, though, I realized something else about the last year - that I've only experienced one or two flashbacks all year, and that the ones I have had have been pretty minor and I've coped with them in really healthy ways - writing, researching, talking, drawing, etc. And I realized that I don't even feel guilty about it, because it's not because I've really thought any less about Emily. I guess I've just felt safe enough this year to process not only the event, but the associated grief. I've been able to do things this year that I imagine more successful therapy experiences might have helped me to do before.

So tonight, I'm thankful - and I'm celebrating a little. I'm celebrating the fact that I'm starting to be able to remember Emily with less pain and guilt. I'm celebrating the fact that I can recognize and assess more of the pain and guilt that is there. I'm celebrating the fact that I have friends who are willing to hear about both the pain and the healing. I'm celebrating the realization that there's actual healing happening here and not just repression.

Thanks be to God - alleluia, alleluia.

Summer can't be far...

Ok, I know it's 45 degrees and drizzling, and that I've still got two and a half weeks of classes left and two decent-sized papers to write. But summer can't be far, because tonight I was inspired to cook.

I like cooking all year round when I have, say, a kitchen, and people to eat the food. I live alone with a microwave and no real kitchen, though, so most of the year I tend to think "I need a quick dinner; I'll make mac and cheese, or ramen, or canned ravioli...." Tonight, though, I saw produce at the grocery store that looked edible, and thought "I need to eat dinner; I'll throw together some tomato and mozzarella and olives with herbs and oil and garlic and toss it all with some angel hair, and a tofu dog on the side." Still not gourmet, still made in the microwave, still a somewhat unusual combination of hot dog and pasta that betrays my grad-student identity. But cooking nonetheless, and it reminds me that in less than a month I'll be living in a house, a house that contains a kitchen and people willing to eat what I've cooked for dinner (most of the time - my parents balk a little at "how about brown rice and tofu tonight, guys?).

Oh, summer....

meh

It's raining. I do not want to go outside and forage for dinner. Yet, the refectory has forgotten that dinner is a meal, and should be composed of adequate amounts of edible food. Dinner tonight consists of a large amount of styrofoam and plastic wrap protecting very tiny portions of (pale-looking) watermelon and coleslaw and a chunk of cheese on an onion roll. I may return tomorrow for my overpackaged snack, but it does. not. qualify as dinner.

Harumph. Did I mention that it's raining?

No cookies!

Ok, I think I've done this before, but the cause of death is new - and funny.

Your Deadly Sins

Gluttony: 80%

Sloth: 80%

Envy: 20%

Greed: 20%

Pride: 20%

Wrath: 20%

Lust: 0%

Chance You'll Go to Hell: 34%

You'll die choking on a cookie in bed.

How Sinful Are You?

Silly

One of the perks of being a reasonably competent grad student with no teaching responsibilities is that I can giggle freely right now at student responses/comments on others' blogs. I particularly like these from jane in the academy's spring term student comments (listed under "weaknesses):

~The assignments were confusing because we had to have our own ideas in the papers. I don't have ideas. (It's a good thing you're in higher education, then. That sounds like just the right place for you.)

~If you didn't read the readings you would be lost on the assignments. (Hunh. Who'da thunk it?)

~Make sure students are aware of the work load and that work piles up if you don't plan for it. (You think? Which part of life doesn't pile up if you don't plan to take care of it?)

Yes. well. For now, I choose to giggle.

Discrepancy

weatherunderground.com says the following:

The current temperature is 67.5 degrees.
Today's high is 66 degrees.
Tomorrow's high is 56 degrees.
Tomorrow is forecast to be nearly the same temperature as today.

Someone at weatherunderground.com failed Logic 101....

Hmm.

So, I'm reading my introduction to the Oxford Movement so I can figure out how to research my paper on the Oxford Movement. This is admittedly an activity toward which I'm favorably disposed, but it seems to me that a lot of this history sounds remarkably familiar. Take the following, for instance - if I remove all the period markers from this paragraph, it sounds equally applicable to today (non-inclusive language notwithstanding):

"men who had been colleagues suddenly found that they had to choose between friends and the Church which had nurtured them. ...those who had converted felt the need to persuade others to join them. Because they knew intimately the Church..., converts were able to attack its weak points. As a result, many... felt beleaguered. This was further exacerbated by the attitude of the authorities of the Church..., which appeared... to be saying sternly to unsettled men that they should go, whilst simultaneously the [other] Church... seemed to be beckoning and welcoming."*

It's an imperfect analogy, but it rings true for me.

*Credit where credit is due: this is from Michael Chandler's book An Introduction to the Oxford Movement.

Oh, well...

The Seabury Saints lost their playoff game tonight. We got pretty soundly whupped, actually, but I guess that's what you get when you pit seminarians against Navy ROTC undergrads. I'm sad that the season is over (except for an all-Seabury game), but pleased that we made it to the playoffs at all - a first in Seabury history, I think. And we made up for it afterward with a team pizza party and fire circle, which was lots of fun.

The weekend as a whole has been a lot of fun, actually. I've gotten appallingly little done, but I really will buckle down tomorrow.

On a side note: Community Church of Wilmette has a new Senior Pastor! Yay, Tripp!

Pleased

I've had a lovely (also busy) last couple of days. I successfully preached in chapel on Thursday and received some very kind feedback on the sermon (which is posted below). I helped with a bridal shower that was a lot of fun. I scored a run (for the first time ever) in a softball game (albeit a very informal game against ourselves). I am scheduled to preach at my home parish Labor Day weekend, when a good chunk of family will be in town for my grandmother's 90th birthday. (I don't know how many will come to hear me preach, but my grandmother will be very happy that her family came to see her and her granddaughter is preaching, even if she doesn't actually hear most of the sermon, which is possible.) It's reading week, and today I am taking an Official Day Off. I'm doing lots of laundry (which I actually like doing), but otherwise I'm reading for pleasure, drinking coffee, watching movies (maybe even a baseball game tonight if I can get the TV in Junkin Common to tune it in). Tomorrow is back to work, but today is sabbath time.

Feast of St. Monnica

The Sheil Center, across the street, has a new copier. It’s a very helpful copier, from what I hear – very polite, and not at all passive-aggressive or confrontational the way copiers so often are. This one simply tells you its state and its needs, very calmly. For instance, “Please be patient. I am warming up.” Or – my favorite – “The job you have selected exceeds my capacity.” And I have an image in my head of standing at that copier, asking it to run off the lectionary readings for today, and an image coming on the screen, a digital image of Monnica, that says “My capacity exceeds the job you have selected.”

And she’d be right. Whoever put together this set of lessons selected a job for Monnica that’s pretty disconnected from the capacities for which we remember her in our calendar. We started with an Old Testament reading – all of three verses, sort of cobbled together – which tells us: Hannah weeps. Hannah asks God for a male heir. Hannah receives a male heir. That’s apparently all we need to know about Hannah. (The psalm is, well, a psalm – as well matched as most of our Lesser Feasts and Fasts psalms are. ) Then we have the Gospel reading, where Jesus tells us what childbirth is like – sort of a strange lecture to be getting from a man, and a single one at that, but ok. To hear it from these lessons, one gets the impression that there was one very important thing to know about Monnica: that her uterus was in good working order, so that she could give birth to a son.

That’s a strange sort of legacy. Certainly, there are plenty of famous men who presumably all had mothers, and most of those mothers don’t get their own feast days. Luckily, by the time the powers that be got around to writing a collect and biography, they seem to have gotten a better picture of Monnica’s life. Our collect points out her spiritual discipline, her perseverance, and her talent at sharing the Gospel. We don’t have a ton of information on her, but we know that she never gave up on bringing her son and her husband to Christ. In his Confessions, Augustine thanks God that she brought him “from her heart to life eternal.” He tells us also of her incredible discipline in her own life – how she would not gossip at all, for instance, and how she exercised such patience even with her difficult mother-in-law that the two women eventually became friends. Her capacity was great indeed.

Her capacity was great, and her example to us is great, and they far exceed the job the lessons have selected for her. But the most troubling part is not even that the picture these lessons give us is historically problematic, though it is. The most troubling part is the way that picture lends itself to being generalized. The calendar of saints is there to be generalized – to provide models of life and piety for all Christians. If Monnica’s achievements and contributions as a woman of deep prayer and absolute perseverance warrant less attention than her ability to give birth, we have sold not only her but also ourselves short. We have cheapened her example by turning her from a model for all Christians to an example of a woman’s proper place, just as we cheapen the work and the value of motherhood when we make it a woman’s only choice.

For Monnica’s sake, for the sake of all the women of the church who get painted with the same brush, and for the sake of all the baptized, we need our calendar to give us lessons that match her capacity. Perhaps we might consider the story of Abigail, who patiently negotiated what was in her husband Nabal’s best interest when he was too stubborn and boorish to do so himself. We might consider the parable of the unjust judge, who agreed to do justice for the persistent widow, who would not stop her prayers and her pleading until she received it. We might consider the story of Lydia, who also worked to bring her family to Christ. With such lessons, such stories, I could go to the Sheil Center and stand fearlessly in front of that copier, knowing that Monnica’s image would just smile at me as the copier did its work – for then her job and her capacity would be well matched, and her memory truly honored.

Alb!

Wippell has sent me an alb! A pretty one! In exactly my size! With a girdle that doesn't drag on the floor!

Now, before some killjoy decides to point it out, I am in fact aware that this bears a strong relation to the fact that I custom-ordered it and they took my measurements. But I've given people measurements before and still had things come looking like they expect me to give birth soon or to have joined the WNBA while they weren't looking.

Besides, expected or not - I now have my very own alb, in time to press/steam and wear it to preach in chapel tomorrow night (assuming I can find a closing line for the sermon itself by then). Yay alb!

New art

One of the things that occasionally happens when Pippa comes over, as she does every week, is that I end up with new art. Usually it's for one of my doors, though I have a lovely bouquet complete with butterfly in a vase on the coffee table. Today, though, I hung a new piece of art on the wall.

It's a score sheet.

We picked up a running game of Uno today, a game that shouldn't have taken more than one hand to finish, because Pippa was up 435-206 and only needed 65 points to win. Except that somehow I managed to get another 300 before she got that 65. It was remarkable. There ought to be some sort of Guinness Record for that kind of underdog recovery.

So the score sheet, which convieniently has a hole in the top, is now hanging on the wall in the blank space left when I took down another piece for a few weeks. It served during the rest of the afternoon as a sort of Icon of the Underdog, and I imagine it will stay there until the regular art comes back home - because it makes me giggle, and who can't use a giggle once in a while?

Copyright comics

Duke law professors have their first comic book, apparently - a development I thought might be of interest to some readers. I'm linking you there via BlogHer, because why wouldn't I send you through BlogHer if I could?

One more down

Not the history paper, sadly - I still have to write that one tonight. However, our preaching schedule has had to be rearranged, and so we each get to chop off a sermon. This means that I do NOT have to preach two different sermons two days in a row this week. Once I finish the history paper tonight, I can devote nearly all my energies to prepping Thursday's sermon - which is good, because it needs some work before I dare preach it in chapel. Then I don't have to preach again until May 19.

yip!

I've finished and sent off my final paper for my Galatians class, and have even received notice of its receipt. This means my Galatians class is now DONE. I also have a Matthew reflection and a sample evensong ordo to turn in tomorrow, which means all of tomorrow's work is finit, fine, beendet.

It's only a yip, and not a yippee, because I still have a paper due Tuesday (for which I've yet to read, though I've started at least), a sermon to fix up for chapel Thursday, and a sermon to create from scratch for class on Friday. Still, I'm relieved to be as far along as I am.

And tomorrow, I will get to do something I haven't done in a couple of months now - sleep until 8 on a Monday morning. Then I'll go to Monday morning meetings and mass, which I haven't done since fall term. And then I'll go to the refectory, and eat lunch there like a normal person (well, ok, a normal seminarian), and go to class without a to-go box.

So maybe that's a yipp....

Books! By women!

I started this meme almost a month ago, but it's long, so it's taken me a while to finish. But finishing it made for a good dinner break activity tonight between drafting and editing.

Instructions: Bold the ones you've read (except bolding things doesn't really work here, so I'm going to cap them). Italicize the ones you have wanted/might like to read. ??Place question marks by any titles/authors you've never heard of?? Put an asterisk if you've read something else by the same author.
*ALCOTT, LOUISA MAY - LITTLE WOMEN
*Allende, Isabel–The House of Spirits
* Angelou, Maya–I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings
Atwood, Margaret–Cat's Eye
AUSTEN, JANE - EMMA
??Bambara, Toni Cade–Salt Eaters??
??Barnes, Djuna–Nightwood??
de Beauvoir, Simone–The Second Sex
* BLUME, JUDY - ARE YOU THERE, GOD? IT'S ME, MARGARET
BURNETT, FRANCIS - THE SECRET GARDEN
Bronte, Charlotte–Jane Eyre
BRONTE, EMILY - WUTHERING HEIGHTS
Buck, Pearl S.–The Good Earth
??Byatt, A.S.–Possession??
Cather, Willa–My Antonia
CHOPIN, KATE - THE AWAKENING
*Christie, Agatha–Murder on the Orient Express
*CISNEROS, SANDRA - THE HOUSE ON MANGO STREET
Clinton, Hillary Rodham–Living History
??Cooper, Anna Julia–A Voice From the South??
??Danticat, Edwidge–Breath, Eyes, Memory??
Davis, Angela–Women, Culture, and Politics
??Desai, Anita–Clear Light of Day??
*Dickinson, Emily–Collected Poems
*DUNCAN, LOIS - I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER
DuMaurier, Daphne–Rebecca
Eliot, George–Middlemarch
??Emecheta, Buchi–Second Class Citizen??
Erdrich, Louise–Tracks
Esquivel, Laura–Like Water for Chocolate
Flagg, Fannie–Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe
Friedan, Betty–The Feminine Mystique
FRANK, ANNE - DIARY OF A YOUNG GIRL
??Gilman, Charlotte Perkins–The Yellow Wallpaper??
Gordimer, Nadine–July's People
Grafton, Sue–S is for Silence
HAMILTON, EDITH - MYTHOLOGY
Highsmith, Patricia–The Talented Mr. Ripley
*hooks, bell–Bone Black
*Hurston, Zora Neale–Dust Tracks on the Road
Jacobs, Harriet–Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl
Jackson, Helen Hunt–Ramona
??Jackson, Shirley–The Haunting of Hill House??
Jong, Erica–Fear of Flying
KEENE, CAROLYN - THE NANCY DREW MYSTERIES (ANY OF THEM) - except, aren't they actually written by more men than women?
Kidd, Sue Monk–The Secret Life of Bees
Kincaid, Jamaica–Lucy
*Kingsolver, Barbara–The Poisonwood Bible
??Kingston, Maxine Hong–The Woman Warrior ??
??Larsen, Nella–Passing??
*L'ENGLE, MADELEINE - A WRINKLE IN TIME
*Le Guin, Ursula K.–The Left Hand of Darkness
LEE, HARPER - TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD
Lessing, Doris–The Golden Notebook
??Lively, Penelope–Moon Tiger??
Lorde, Audre–The Cancer Journals
MARTIN, ANN M. - THE BABYSITTERS CLUB SERIES (ANY OF THEM) - many, many of them, in fact
??McCullers, Carson–The Member of the Wedding??
McMillan, Terry–Disappearing Acts
??Markandaya, Kamala–Nectar in a Sieve??
??Marshall, Paule–Brown Girl, Brownstones??
Mitchell, Margaret–Gone with the Wind
MONTGOMERY, LUCY MAUD - ANNE OF GREEN GABLES
??Morgan, Joan–When Chickenheads Come Home to Roost
*MORRISON, TONI - SONG OF SOLOMON
??Murasaki, Lady Shikibu–The Tale of Genji??
Munro, Alice–Lives of Girls and Women
Murdoch, Iris–Severed Head
Naylor, Gloria–Mama Day
Niffenegger, Audrey–The Time Traveller's Wife
*Oates, Joyce Carol–We Were the Mulvaneys
O'CONNOR, FLANNERY - A GOOD MAN IS HARD TO FIND
??Piercy, Marge–Woman on the Edge of Time??
Picoult, Jodi–My Sister's Keeper
Plath, Sylvia–The Bell Jar
*Porter, Katharine Anne–Ship of Fools
Proulx, E. Annie–The Shipping News
Rand, Ayn–The Fountainhead
Ray, Rachael–365: No Repeats
??Rhys, Jean–Wide Sargasso Sea??
??Robinson, Marilynne–Housekeeping??
??Rocha, Sharon–For Lac??
??Sebold, Alice–The Lovely Bones??
Shelley, Mary–Frankenstein
SMITH, BETTY A - A TREE GROWS IN BROOKLYN
??Smith, Zadie–White Teeth??
Spark, Muriel–The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie
SPYRI, JOHANNA - HEIDI
??Strout, Elizabeth–Amy and Isabelle??
Steel, Danielle–The House
TAN, AMY - THE JOY LUCK CLUB
Tannen, Deborah–You're Wearing That
Ulrich, Laurel–A Midwife's Tale
??Urquhart, Jane–Away??
*Walker, Alice–The Temple of My Familiar
Welty, Eudora–One Writer's Beginnings
Wharton, Edith–Age of Innocence
*WILDER, LAURA INGALLS - LITTLE HOUSE IN THE BIG WOODS
*Wollstonecraft, Mary–A Vindication of the Rights of Women
Woolf, Virginia–A Room of One's Own

Is that an end I see?

There may just be a glimpse of light at the end of this tunnel. It's all of 3 pm, and I have a draft of the part of my paper that counts, as well as one of the two parts that doesn't. (Did I mention how bogus I think it is for a paper to have parts which are required but don't count?) I may actually have time to write the structure section and edit this thing by tomorrow morning. (I'd cross my fingers, but it's hard to type that way.)

Nooooo....

Don't scare me like that! MS Word (:insert Rocky-Horror-style response:) just decided to taunt me for a while. I write in Word because I have to email in my paper in Word, and so I might as well compose there in the first place. But I despise it, and this sort of thing is part of why I do: I just told it to save after I created a new footnote, and it blew raspberries at me and said "Won't! I'm full!" It did this several times, and then finally when I tried to figure out why, it shut down altogether.

Now, it has agreed to reopen and allow me to cite the article I was trying to cite without further tussles, and the only thing I lost was the footnote itself, but I remain mistrustful (if relieved). I do not like software that taunts me (or that's made by MS, but I do what I have to do), especially when it taunts me in the middle of major papers that are due soon. How does it know that I am in the middle of such a paper and do not currently have my external hard drive available to back things up? How does it know just when to hit the panic button?

Well, back to writing - I assume. But I have the paper backed up in my email, just in case.

Grazer timeline

Yesterday at lunch (was that really only yesterday?), Baruch Grazer summed up writing like this:

You have two pages.
You have two pages.
You still have two pages.
You're getting anxious about having two pages.
You want to slit your wrists because you have two pages.
You're going to hurt people because you have two pages.
Suddenly, you have thirty pages, when you only need 15 or 20.

Today has been largely about "you want to slit your wrists because you have two pages." It's been helpful to hold out that last stage, ever so eschatologically, as a reminder that someday, perhaps, if I'm very good, I might make it past two pages.

(In fact, I have about eight pages of text; sadly, only 5 or so are allowed to count in the page count, which means I still have 5 more pages that count and 2 more that don't left to write - by Monday. I dislike having to write pages of actual analysis that don't count in the page count. If you want a 15 page paper, ask for a 15 page paper - don't ask for a 10 page paper and then decide that major sections don't count in the page count. Oh, and probably I should edit the damned thing too, since right now it bears a striking resemblence to something a monkey could have typed.)

I'm going back to pulling out my hair now. I mean, to writing.

How long, O Lord?

When's reading week again?

For that matter, how long till summer? I'm tired of being this tired, and am looking forward to a job that's really truly supposed to be only 40 hours/week (although I'm sure I'll find ways to squeeze in more...).

Oh, who am I kidding? My summer to-do list includes editing/rewriting two or three papers and reading a considerable amount of history for exams.

Ok. I'll keep writing now.

Friday Five: Procrastination

A procrastination-themed Friday Five couldn't have come at a better time - I am, even as I type this, meant to be writing about Galatians 6, eschatology, and community.

The Question: What are five things you do to procrastinate?

1. Blogging - particularly checking my RSS or posting memes (thinking up real posts is too much like work to be an effective procrastination technique).

2. Research - I can't possibly go on until I find that one perfect quote that I read ten years ago in one of Madeleine L'Engle's books, or maybe it was Harry Potter, or Augustine...

3. Organization - I'd be able to work better if all of my books were arranged just so, and I had a perfectly structured outline, and...

4. Eating - Not one of my healthier procrastination techniques, but there you go.

5. West Wing - Clearly what I need is inspiration/a short break, and each episode is only 45 minutes...

STOP!!!

Someone is doing descending scales on the carillon - over, and over, and over. My window is directly across from the carillon. I am trying to write a paper. I am annoyed.

(Ok, they finally stopped. I'm confused still, because the scales stopped and then the person rang three bells, as though for chapel, and as far as I know we have no Friday night 7:35 service. But it's quiet again.)

Public Service Announcement

Not everyone is cut out to preach without notes.

Of this, I am living proof. Oi.

I look forward to coming back and writing out the manuscript version for next Thursday. In the meantime, I am pleading with the Holy Spirit for help, because tomorrow morning I have to do it note-free for class.

Did I mention I'm really not good at this?

Spottish

The next week will be one of those where I'll either be posting six times a day, or not at all. Some of you may remember a month or so ago when I announced that I was booked the last weekend of April... well, it's here.

Tomorrow, for instance:
8-8:30 cantor rehearsal
8:30-9 matins
9-11 work
11-12 choir
12-1 chair anti-racism meeting
1-3 class
3-4 spiritual direction
4:15-6 softball
Then dinner and homework - which will be entirely sermon prep for Friday's class, since I'm not as well prepared yet as I wanted to be by now. Which is not for lack of thought or time given to it - it's just coming very slowly.

In the next week, I have one large paper (on which I'm already behind my schedule), two sermons (one to be preached twice), one smaller paper, one project, and one reflection due. Plus, you know, reading and stuff.