Apologies...

... to my roommate. Apparently I stole ("borrowed," I like to say) Kay's soul today. I spent the morning cleaning the chapel. Then I came home around 1, and since I had momentum and it was my weekend, I cleaned the bathroom. Only first, I thought I'd clean the pile of dishes I had, before I cleaned the sinks. And then, I realized the fishbowl needed cleaning, so I figured I should definitely do that before I cleaned the sinks, so I did. And since I was in a cleaning mode, I did the floors in the common room. And then Jenny Jo got really excited at the idea that I might finally wash the exploded champagne off the coffee table, so I did that, and while I was at it, I washed the doily that lives on the coffee table. And then I realized that the bathroom sinks were really clean, so I did some hand wash. And then I took a shower myself. And I came into the common room and found a piece of dust on the floor that I'd just cleaned, and, sadly, took it across the hall to Jenny Jo, jumped up and down, and said "I JUST CLEANED THAT!!"

Thankfully, then it was time to go get dinner and watch basketball.

Spring Quarter Gender Balance Award

Welcome back! It's that time again... I'm back in real classes, and have more or less a sense of what books we're likely to use in each class. So without further ado, here's how this term pans out:

Hebrew: Still using the same books as last term - a grammar by a man, lexicon by men, grammar handbook by two men and a woman, and the Hebrew Bible. Still only nearly acceptable, though it's not like I expected any change of books mid-course.

Theology of Music: Two books. Both are by men. (These don't count, but all the photocopies are by men too). Rating: Unacceptable.

Practicum in Liturgical Celebration: As you'll note in the original post on gender balance, I only count required books here. This class requires on the syllabus several of the recommended books, but they still don't count. I'll check when I get home, but as I recall, there are six or seven required books, and I think they're all by men. If so, that rates another unacceptable.

Pastoral Administration: No books. Ineligible.

Meaning and Ministry: Granted that the reading list isn't absolutely set, our likely list includes three men and three women, I think. Maybe four men and three women. Rating: Excellent!

Unhappily, there are once more several unacceptables. Happily, I can at least give the Gender Balance Award this term - clearly, it goes to Meaning and Ministry. I think that'll be true even if I get home and discover that Practicum has something by a woman, since M&M is a pretty even split so far.

from Cecily

What Be Your Nerd Type? Your Result: Literature Nerd   Does sitting by a nice cozy fire, with a cup of hot tea/chocolate, and a book you can read for hours even when your eyes grow red and dry and you look sort of scary sitting there with your insomniac appearance? Then you fit this category perfectly! You love the power of the written word and it's eloquence; and you may like to read/write poetry or novels. You contribute to the smart people of today's society, however you can probably be overly-critical of works. It's okay. I understand.
Drama Nerd
Social Nerd
Artistic Nerd
Musician
Gamer/Computer Nerd
Science/Math Nerd
Anime Nerd
What Be Your Nerd Type? Quizzes for MySpace

In an effort to induce sleep...

I know I should go to bed, because I'm exhausted and it's 11 pm. But while I'm exhausted, I'm not at all sleepy, and since I've been sleeping poorly lately, I'm trying the tack of "not getting into bed until I'm sleepy" for a little while (though in about half an hour I'll give up and try the "maybe I'll sleep if I lie down" approach). And I felt like a meme, so I poked around on the internet and found this one that I've done before, but not for a year-ish, so I'm resurrecting it: the iTunes meme. (Put iTunes on shuffle. Answer the questions with song titles as they come up. No cheating.)

How does the world see you?
In the Name of Love - Mary Chapin Carpenter

Will I have a happy life?
Tear You Apart - She Wants Revenge Lovely.

What do my friends really think of me?
Smile - Natalie Cole

Do people secretly lust after me?
Once Upon a Dream - Jekyll & Hyde Oh, my.

How can I make myself happy?
Lullaby on a Christmas Chorale - Smith College Chorale Not really sure how that translates to method...


What should I do with my life?
Free in You - Indigo Girls So I should... fall in love? Again, not so concrete.

Will I have children?
Teen for God - Dar Williams I guess that's a yes, though that's also a fate I'd like to spare any future children...

What is some good advice for me?
The Longest Time - Billy Joel This is advice how?


How will I be remembered?
what better said - k.d. lang nice!

What is my signature dancing song?
You Learn - Alanis Morissette Sad, really, since it's not much of a dancing song. Maybe my signature dancing style is supposed to be modern... you could do a decent modern or lyrical piece to that, I guess.

What do I think my current theme song is?
Get Out the Map - Indigo Girls Sure, why not?

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
The Hudson - Dar Williams Because everyone else is confused and thinks I'm a native New Yorker?

What song will play at my funeral?
Hark the Herald Angels Sing - Various Artists I'm assuming that the various artists at the funeral will be the congregation, and that I'm going to die around Christmas - which makes it really a pretty decent pick for a funeral. Well done iTunes.

What type of men/women do you like?
Son of a Preacher Man - Dusty Springfield I swear I didn't fix that answer. Really.

What is my day going to be like?
Benedictus - Simon and Garfunkel A girl could do worse. Can I call that in for tomorrow instead of today, since today's now over?

Not My Life

Seen today somewhere on BlogHer:

"I suggest, though, that you pair your yoga pants with a nice casual sweater; I wear mine with my cashmere crew neck and a tee that's longer than the sweater, to keep my midriff covered."

Ok, except for a few people who have family in the cashmere business, I don't know anyone for whom cashmere counts as "casual." And I'm quite sure I don't know anyone at all who wears yoga pants with cashmere. I'm just saying - if you're trying to advise the general blogging populace about how to wear yoga pants without embarrassing themselves, maybe you want to pair them with something most people own?

Edited to clarify: I guess by casual, I don't mean "informally, with jeans or khakis" so much as "with yoga pants or pajama pants." I think that within the realm of things sweaters can be made of, cashmere is not at the casual end of the spectrum. And even there, I guess I mean "standing in front of a drawer wondering what to throw on with yoga pants" rather than "happening to have both on at once" which I
find less weird. I'm also thinking of pure cashmere, which tends to
be pretty pricey, rather than cashmere blends. It's possible that the author has in mind something more affordable than 100%. It's also been pointed out to me that there's a difference in men's wear and women's wear, which I think is true. I hadn't really processed that piece, since the article on BlogHer was specifically for women.

That may or may not actually clarify things - I'm pretty exhausted and not entirely coherent today.

Gratitude

Tonight, I'm grateful for my friends. Thank you all for your patience, your fortitude, your bravery, your humor, your tenderness. I love and admire you.

Coffee...

As it turns out, watching one's way through Gilmore Girls while giving up coffee for Lent proves very difficult.

How far have we really moved?

I'm sitting in class (yes, in class), and we're talking about how music is involved in our being missional. I'm hearing people suggest that what we need to do to engage missionally with secular music is to listen to secular music; to speak the gospel in the language of that culture; to be daring enough to wear clericals to a rock concert, etc.

And I just had a memory of a Saturday night worship service when I was in high school, at a youth conference. During testimonials, two peer ministers got up and confessed to the rest of us that when they'd left the night before for a rock concert, they'd decided to put their peer ministry crosses inside their shirts. (Peer ministers wore big wooden crosses so they could be identified - actually they looked a lot like pectoral crosses that bishops wear.) They talked about why they did it, their shame in wearing the crosses and then their shame in hiding them, and then wondered about the witness they might have given if they'd had the guts to wear them outside their shirts. (We probably also talked a lot that weekend about using rock music for Christian messages, about seeing the spiritual messages in rock music, etc. Those conversations were really common at these gatherings.)

And now I'm wondering: What does it mean that ten years later I'm sitting in seminary having almost exactly the same conversation? Are we coming up with decent ideas that we're just still not acting on (and then why not)? Or are we coming up with the same ideas that sound fresh but just aren't working - and then what else is there instead? Either way, it sounds to me like the conversation has gone stagnant, and I'm very aware that I'm not helping that at all.

Hmm.

It's probably not in my long-term best interests that I can have no idea where my checkbook is and then find it almost immediately on my desk. Probably I ought just to clean the desk and do the actual filing. And yet, finding it so immediately doesn't really motivate me to do the cleaning and filing....

A Very Good Day

I probably shouldn't post this until the day is over, for fear of jinxing it. Maybe I'll save as draft and post it later. But today is a very good day. For the first time in about a year and a half, I got to go to church where I wanted to, with friends, and have brunch at Lucky Platter afterward. I've missed doing that. Now my floor is clean, and in about 20 minutes friends will come over bearing dinner, and we will watch RENT (at which point Kay will finally have seen it). Then we will get on a train and go see One of the Girls play, which I have not done for a year. I may not have gotten much of a spring break this year, but condensing it all into one day makes today a pretty good one.

Song of the Week

Yes, I'm back from Ohio, though I don't think I told you all that I had left. Here's this week's Song of the Week, thanks mostly to a pretty perfunctory psych eval while I was home.

And yes, I realize that the last several posts have all been song-of-the-week posts. I'll try to get a real post or two in this week between songs.


Closer to Fine

i'm trying to tell you something about my life
maybe give me insight between black and white
and the best thing you've ever done for me
is to help me take my life less seriously
it's only life after all
yeah

well darkness has a hunger that's insatiable
and lightness has a call that's hard to hear
i wrap my fear around me like a blanket
i sailed my ship of safety till i sank it
i'm crawling on your shores

i went to the doctor, i went to the mountains
i looked to the children, i drank from the fountains
there's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in a crooked line
and the less i seek my source for some definitive
(the less i seek my source)
the closer i am to fine
the closer i am to fine

and i went to see the doctor of philosophy
with a poster of rasputin and a beard down to his knee
he never did marry or see a b-grade movie
he graded my performance, he said he could see through me
i spent four years prostrate to the higher mind
got my paper and i was free

i went to the doctor, i went to the mountains
i looked to the children, i drank from the fountains
there's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in a crooked line
the less i seek my source for some definitive
(the less i seek my source)
the closer i am to fine
the closer i am to fine

i stopped by the bar at 3 a.m.
to seek solace in a bottle or possibly a friend
and i woke up with a headache like my head against a board
twice as cloudy as i'd been the night before
and i went in seeking clarity.

i went to the doctor, i went to the mountains
i looked to the children, i drank from the fountains
yeah we go to the doctor, we go to the mountains
we look to the children, we drink from the fountains
yeah we go to the bible, we go through the workout
we read up on revival and we stand up for the lookout
there's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in a crooked line
the less i seek my source for some definitive
(the less i seek my source)
the closer i am to fine
the closer i am to fine
the closer i am to fine

Song of the Week

Last week's song of the week was not, in fact, a Dar Williams song. Not that far off, perhaps - it's an Amy Ray song - but not Dar:

Put It Out For Good

I hear the rock show winding down at the high school
Kids out on the sidewalk, waiting for a ride
All the punks and the queers and the freaks and the smokers
Feel like they’ll be waiting for the rest of their lives

Alright I hear what you’re saying to me
Alright I hear what I just can’t do
But I got this spark I got to feed it something
Or put it out for good

The stadium lights were breaking through the bleachers
I spent all day pushing tissue roses into chicken wire
Hey S.G.A., I’m an overachiever of the wrong persuasion
A pep rally kid, a new gender nation with a new desire

Alright I hear what you’re saying to me
Alright I hear what I just can’t do
But I got this spark I got to feed it something
Or put it out for good

Rub up against it till you it gets inside you
Rub up against it till its understood
Those aren’t your friends talking shit about you
We’ve had it bad, we’re gonna make it good

Alright I hear what you’re saying to me
(rub up against me till its alright)
Alright I hear what I just can’t do
(rub up against me till its alright)
But we got this spark, we got to feed it something
(rub up against me and)
Let it burn for good, let it burn for good

Song of the Week

Ok, this is last week's song of the week, but I didn't get around to posting it on Saturday. I know it's another Dar song, but really, last weekend all I could think is that every seminarian should be so blessed, even if I could have thought of other things I'd rather have been doing.

If you're gonna get your heart broke, you better do it just right,
It's gotta be raining, and you gotta move your stuff that night,
And the only friend you can reach isn't a good friend at all,
And you know when he says "Now who dumped who?" that you never should
have made that call.

I had the blessings, there's nobody there, there's nobody home,
Yeah the blessings, at the moment I was most alone
And aimless as a fulltime fool, the joke was on me,
I got all of those birds flying off of that tree, and that's a blessing.

And the blessings were like poets that we never find time to know,
But when time stopped I found the place where the poets go.
And they said, "Here have some coffee, it's straight, black and very
old,"
And they gave me sticks and rocks and stars and all that I could hold,

I had the blessings, a moment of peace even when the night ends,
Yeah the blessings, can we meet? Can we meet again,
At the crossroads of disaster and the imperfect smile,
With the angel in the streetlamp that blinks on as I walk on a mile, the
blessings.

And the best ones were the ones I got to keep as I grew strong,
And the days that opened up until my whole life could belong,
And now I'm getting the answers, when I don't need them anymore,
I'm finding the pictures, and I finally know what I kept them for.
I remember, I can see them, see them smiling, see them stuck,
See them try, I wish them luck and all the blessings.

I was fast asleep at three in the morning when I got the payphone call,
And she said, "Did I wake you up," I said, "Hey, no, not at all."
And she said, "I got this suitcase and I don't know what to pack,"
And I said, "You can take anything you want, just wait and see,
It's not a release, not a reward, it's the blessings,
It's the gift of what you notice more,"
And I walked out and I watched her kick the big pile of the night,
And we sat down and we waited for that strange and empty light.
Yeah the blessings...

See them smiling, see them stuck,
See them try, I wish them luck and all the blessings.

The Everything Test

I'd paste in the actual code for this quiz, but one of the things it rates is your level of sexual experience and your hotness rank, and while I'm willing to be open with almost anyone about much of my sexual experience, I also don't think it's an appropriate thing to display on a blog that my parents, bishop, COM, youth group, campers, etc. might read. I reserve the right to monitor that particular discussion, thanks.

I'd be interested also to know how they came to their conclusions. Mostly, I think internet quizzes do a pretty good job of assigning the labels, but this one has me somewhat off. Certain things are right on: more religious than atheist, more emotional than logical, more idealist than cynical, politically about 68% liberal, stereotypical mix of yuppie and hippie, fairly high on intellectual and religious, more artistic than engineering, little experience with chemical substances. Then there are some that could go either way: more lazy than workaholic, more rebel than traditional, more leader than follower, more concerned about self than concerned about others. But it also says that I'm 100% adventurous, and I think we know that's not true, so I'd be interested in how they came to that (specifically, how much of my adventurous score comes from the fact that I identified as bisexual?). And, it says I'm more extroverted than introverted. Yeah - I refer it to last week's 80% introvert score (not to mention my super-high Myers-Briggs I number).

My favorite box, though is the "socioeconomic" one: "Your attitude toward life best associates you with the Upper Class. You make more than 0% of those who have taken this test, and 77% less than the U.S. average." Yeah. That's got "overprivileged grad student" written all over it.

Back

Home. Safe. Exhausted.

Imperfects and Imperatives and Infinitives...

I'm in Ohio, diligently misunderstanding Hebrew, and cursing the powers that have conspired to keep me from being in class to learn it this morning.

On the other hand, the dry cleaners are going to turn around my gray pants today.

Yeah. This is a really boring post. This post is about nothing except procrastinating on more Hebrew. I'll go away now.