Tuesday, May 31, 2005

study or stop?

I hate studying for essay tests. How do you know when you're done? I know I know my memory verses; I know I know my IDs (though even that's harder to be really confident about than the verses). I've never figured out, though, when I'm done studying for essays. I've got outlines in my head; I can run through a group of things I might say for each of them. But when is enough enough?

Public Service Announcement

Tuesday, May 31, 2005: 3:04 pm

Ryan R. Whitley:
"I realized I was wrong."

Monday, May 30, 2005

I like pixies.

I've been ogling Emily's weather pixie for awhile, and have decided to import one of my own. I haven't made a final call on the pixie herself - I also pondered a couple of the other blondish/lightbrownish/reddish haired white girls. If my hair color were more stable, maybe it would be a clearer issue. Either way, pixies make me happy. At least nice weather pixies. The cornish pixies in Harry Potter, and the pixies in a lot of folk lore, not so much.

Sunday, May 29, 2005


I'm supposed to be writing a theology paper. This should not be a problem. In general, I like theology papers. In theory, I also like this particular theology paper. The assigment:
Identify one event or conversation from this year at Seabury that raised/raises theological questions for you. Write 1-2 pages describing this event/conversation. Then write a 3 page essay in which you state the theological questions raised and then address them drawing on the theological resources from this course and other work you have done. You may wish to conclude with a brief discussion of the extent to which the various resources were helpful (or not) in your dealing with this question.

In theory, this is a great assignment - interesting, provocative, etc.

In practice, it feels like the assignment should read: Choose the theological topic you understand the least and explain it adequately to your theology professor.

Saturday, May 28, 2005

stuff, also nonsense*

So, yeah, missed a few days in there. It's been a little busy. Here's the short version:

Wednesday: class all day, fitting in a trip to the grocery store, then Greek, then to pick up Mark and hang out, while finishing my New Testament reading for Friday, because:

Thursday: class, rehearsal, choir, lunch meeting, class, class, run home and change, awards night eucharist, awards night banquet, tears, party, home

Friday: tired, class, tired, eucharist, tired, run for the bus and get to Lutheran for my pre-clinical physical, have said physical, get very very angry with them over a number of things, take bus back, finally get lunch at 4 pm, home, consider blogging a list of things that make me really really angry (like being lied to or treated like I'm incompetent), decide to eat ice cream and watch part of Sound of Music with Hope and Andrew instead, home, crash

Saturday: all-Seabury softball game, lunch w/Susie, Hope, and Andrew in lieu of softball BBQ, store with Susie, paper, scrapbooking with Susie and Annette while writing paper, dinner w/various juniors, paper in front of junior movie night, abandon movie night to work more on paper.

In other words: a busy week. Now back to my theology paper (yes, I do that a lot).

*As Ryan would say.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

how long is forever?

While reading my systematics homework on the theology of ordained ministry, I started thinking about the sermon I heard Mike preach at Still Small Voice. I realized that that weekend felt like a really long time ago - longer ago than other college events that happened before Still Small Voice. Suddenly, it feels like I've known Mike forever, like that weekend was forever ago - and I realized that was because that weekend was the last time I saw Emily alive. Until now, it's always felt like it couldn't possibly have been (1, 2, 3, 4) years since she died. Now, abruptly, it feels like it's been forever since she was alive. It's a very strange feeling, an odd adjustment to make. How did we go so quickly from Emily having been alive only yesterday to Emily having been gone for forever? I can't decide whether it feels like a betrayal to have gotten used to her being gone, or whether I'm just still so aware of her absence that at this point it's hard to remember life being any other way. I'm not sure. But it's not a comfortable place. I want to remember the joy of her life, not just the hole left by her death, and I want to remember that joy as part of my recent past, not ancient history.


This is a post.

This is a post with comments.

This is a post with comments you can both read and write.

This is a post with comments you can read and write without a pop-up.


I think I have comments! They're pop-up comments, but it's a step... yes?

Monday, May 23, 2005


Thanks, Wes, for finding the extra div!

Now I have a normal looking blog, with normal-looking, non-functioning comments.

Slowly but surely... trying this again.


Ok, I now have comments. Blogger comments. I also have a wonky-looking blog. Help?

Saturday, May 21, 2005


Dairy news

I almost just asked you all, "if my cottage cheese is slightly yellowish and past the expiration date, do you think I should throw it away instead of eating it?"

Then I looked at that question and thought, "if someone else put that question on their blog, I would tell them to throw it all away immediately, without a second thought." So I no longer have any cottage cheese. Instead I'm eating vanilla yogurt, which is past the sell-by date but is still perfectly good. Dairy is hard to keep around when I only feed myself on weekends and only get to the grocery about once a month.

I've had plenty of thoughts in the last couple of days that I could have blogged about, but they're mostly not fit for public consumption. So I haven't blogged. I will say this, though - when laundry is the highlight of the day, that's not what we call a "good day."

Oh, and I'm switching my comments to blogger today. So if you've said anything truly clever on haloscan, I'm sorry - but haloscan would only have kept them a couple of months anyway. You can tell me again when I get the blogger comments up and running.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

The latest quiz

From Jane - and done in bits and pieces, as it's longer than I realized:

Three names you go by:

Three screen names you've had:

Three physical things you like about yourself:
~My height (believe it or not)
~My feet/arches
~My calves

Three physical things you dislike about yourself:
~My chin
~My waistline
~My lack of flexibility

Three parts of your heritage:
~English, with a twist of English
~English with some side trips to Ireland, Wales, or France

Three things you are wearing right now:
~My brown clogs
~My rings
~My Jerusalem cross

Three favorite bands/artists (You know, three is a tough number - one or ten would be much easier...):
~Indigo Girls (iTunes is smart - 8 of the top 25 most played songs are IG... strangely, 7 of the 8 are off All That We Let In)
~Catie Curtis
~Dar Williams

The last three songs you listened to:
Were probably on Jane's computer, but the last three I listened to off my own iTunes were:
~"Answer Me My Love" Joni Mitchell
~"Free in You" Indigo Girls
~"Cain" Patty Griffin

Three things you want in a relationship:

Three physical things about the preferred sex that appeal to you: well, it's different things with men or women.
~Not too hairy
~For some reason, I tend to go for taller guys - then again, as my high school boyfriend once said - "at my height, how could I not?"
~Soft skin
~Breasts - not necessarily large, just... nicely made.

Three of your favorite hobbies:
~Hanging out with friends
~Watching movies (I know, you'd never know it - but it's true. The ones I've seen, I've mostly seen over and over.)

Three things you want to do really badly right now:
~Be done with my pastoral care paper
~Swap out the last two weeks of classes for a couple weeks' worth of "time between classes and graduation"

Three things that scare you:
~Raccoons and possums, especially possums.
~People mysteriously not coming home at/by a reasonable time

Three of your everyday essentials:
~Human contact

Three careers you have considered or are considering:
~Music therapist
~Doctor (LOVED human anatomy class)

Three places you want to go on vacation:
~A warm, relaxing beach almost anywhere
~New Zealand

Three kids' names you like:

Three things you want to do before you die:
~Spend time in a monastic setting
~Raise a family
~Learn fingerpicking

Three ways you are stehttp://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gifreotypically a boy:
~Not afraid of bugs
~I like playing in the dirt
~I hate asking directions

Three ways you are stereotypically a girl:
~I like pink
~I like skirts
~I like dolls

Three celebrity crushes:
~Keira Knightley
~Orlando Bloom (but in Lord of the Rings, I'll take Aragorn)
~Julia Roberts

I see they're filming Pirates of the Caribbean 2 and 3. This seems unlikely to be a good decision from a plot and money standpoint, but as you'll note above, I'm likely to see them anyway. Even if I have to make up new plots, a la MST3K, it'll be worth it to look at the screen.

Monday, May 16, 2005

nuts and bolts

Back from graduation and have survived another full day of Seabury life. Some good stuff stirring, which I'll likely post about a little later. Got my initial TB shot for CPE, will have it read on Thursday, and have confirmed with past Lutheranites that I should be able to use that one only for employee health stuff. That means I should only have to make one trip out to Lutheran, for my pre-clinical physical (almost typed "intake physical" - clearly I've been on the wrong side of hospital procedures too much this year). Unfortunately, it conflicts with a meeting Michelle emailed me about today that I'd like to go to. I may try to see if I can push back the physical so I can be at some or all of the meeting.

Those who pay close attention to this blog (do you exist?) may have noticed that last week I promised commentary on an article on the Archer's blog. That commentary went awol, and I've neither the time nor the energy to rewrite it in the midst of end-of-term work and extracurriculars. Suffice it to say that I agreed with the response more than the original article, though I had some other things to say as well.
We also welcome the Archer as our newest nut.

Friday, May 13, 2005

so that thing, with that person, in that place...

There's a woman on the other side of the coffee shop pushing a stroller. I'm absolutely positive I went to high school with her. I also have absolutely no idea who she is. I feel like I'm too young to be seeing former classmates in coffee shops with their kids and forgetting who they are. (My father just called and says "welcome to the real world." I guess if that's the worst of the real world, I'm doing pretty well.) This whole thing feels a little like a movie (a particular one, even, but I can't think of its name either).

Thursday, May 12, 2005


My hometown is suddenly so much cooler than I thought it was - or at least cooler than it was when I was in high school. They've got a pretty bad track record with supporting coffee shops - usually one opens, the teenyboppers overrun it, people with actual money stop going, and it closes - but right now, they've got two local coffee shops going - one to fill the role of "local place where the townies hang out - old folks in the morning, teens at night" and one to satisfy the local student/professor/hippie population (ok, there are about two hippies who aren't also students/professors, but still). (As I typed that, two native townies walked in for lunch - but they're both associated with the college now, so I think my assessment still stands.) It's combination coffee shop and used book store, with lots of tables, good music that's not too loud, and best of all - free wireless!!! No longer do I have to beg rides out to Panera to retrieve things off my computer - I can walk my own self downtown to a groovy local establishment and play. It warms the cockles of my heart, as Dave would say, to be able to blog for free at a coffee shop in my hometown, watching the locals have a quiet lunch and read the weekly hometown newspaper.

Or, as the case might be, finish a theology paper.

[Later: They also have an absolutely delicious hummus wrap. Somewhat overpriced, but I'm willing to pay a little more for local independent deliciousness. This place just keeps getting better.]

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

All signs point to...

Let's see:
~typing on a pc that gives me annoying system-error pop-ups every ten minutes
~things in my room being packed up and moved around for no apparent reason
~random objects appearing in my room, also for no apparent reason
~things on my bed that are nearly-but-not-quite what they were supposed to be
~can't post things I typed earlier in the day because I can't access the internet on my own computer
~internet access is through aol

Yep! Must be back in my parents' house. As is becoming usual for my first night back, nothing's quite the way I think it should be, including my being here at all, but I'm sure I'll get used to it. The only hitch is that this time I can't do nothing while I wait - I have two papers to finish in the next two days. But that might be for the best...

Also, the Archer posted a very interesting article over on his blog earlier today, to which I want desperately to respond, but the big long post I typed out while sitting at the airport (delayed an hour and a half - yes, Davies, I checked ahead of time; they were on time until I actually got there) is on my own personal computer, which is way too cool and up-to-date to function alongside any of the technology in this house. So I'll try to coax it into a post tomorrow, if I happen upon free wireless in walking distance of here (or if I want to procrastinate badly enough to retype it).

Regardless of how it all pans out, Sunday night I'll be back in my own digs...

Monday, May 09, 2005

Talk about a smart cookie

After having my weekend fun, I got up bright and early this morning and have already accomplished the following:

Canted at Eucharist
Turned in my MBTI/parish profile plunge stuff
Turned in my housing form (and got transferred to different housing for next year, but that's ok)
Turned in my financial aid forms
Figured out all the pending medical billing stuff (woot! go me!) and emailed my father about it
Searched the catalog for commentaries and monographs for my NT probe
Eaten lunch
Crossed Sheridan Road
Found aforementioned commentaries and monographs and a couple more besides
Crossed Sheridan Road again
Written today's entry for the probe journal

I am happy. My theology paper is still a non-entity, really, but I'm starting to see a paper emerging from the paragraphs I've thrown on the page, and I'll go back to that tonight after it's dark and I want to be inside. Right now, I'm going to take advantage of this caught-up-ness and walk into town for an errand or two and some coffee shop reading.

Sunday, May 08, 2005

lions and witches and wardrobes, oh my!


It appears to be by Disney, which is unfortunate. On the other hand, it's something worth looking forward to.


My fortune cookie tonight told me the following:

You'll accomplish more later if you have a little fun this weekend.

Now, is that justification for having spent most of the weekend on random non-academic stuff or what? No wonder I haven't been able to write my theology paper! It just wasn't in the cards. Or the cookies. "Absolution by fortune cookie" says the Archer.

Having gotten such a clear message in my fortune cookie, I believe posting my results of the Most Useless Test Ever (thanks Susie!) is in order.

thesis? thesis? what thesis?

I've developed an annoying habit of hitting apple-s while blogging when I'm in paper mode. Apple-s saves in AppleWorks, it saves in Word, it saves in Stickies - but I do not want to save half-written posts to my hard drive. I really don't. Theology paper, yes - posts, no.

So about that theology paper... yeah. By now I really ought to have it at least half written. And in fact, I have over two pages of writing in AppleWorks. So, for a five page paper that can just as easily be printed from Word, that's gotta be over halfway - except that those two pages or so don't resemble a paper in the slightest. I've got random thoughts and brainstorms and rumblings about sin and grace and popular piety and systematic theology. But a paper? Not so much. Why, you ask? I haven't the vaguest idea what my thesis is in all these thoughts. I have a high tolerance for writing the introduction last; I have a hard time, however, organizing a paper without at least a semblance of a thesis statement. Oi.

Saturday, May 07, 2005

scroll down!

I don't know who did what, but the Devastating Hope quiz link now actually displays the picture! Rory and Ryan did a great job picking out pictures for all the characters, but I think Emily got the best one.

For those who are wondering, the paper is now in Raisin's capable hands. My compromise with myself was to ask Raisin if she had time to edit it - if she had said no, I would have turned it in that day, but (to Pippa's dismay) she said yes, so I took the extension and gave the paper to Raisin.

Today and tomorrow are supposed to be dedicated to writing a theology paper. So far today, I've cleaned the bathroom, done a load of laundry, showered, gone into town for food, and read an essay on sin and human nature. The last has something to do with the paper; the others, not so much. I really ought to start writing something now, but I haven't decided what that might be yet. It's an interesting topic - we've been asked to analyze the theology of sin present in a Time article from March, "When Grace Arrives Unnanounced."

In other news, it's entirely too cold today. I disapprove.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

This is why I like deadlines.

So I've spent much of this week writing a biblical theology paper that's technically due tomorrow. I have now dutifully written said paper, and could turn it in tomorrow if I so chose. The hitch is that the paper is only technically due tomorrow - AKMA has offered the class a universal extension.

On the one hand, my schedule tells me that I'm supposed to take tomorrow off from writing papers, so as to be ready to plunge back in Saturday and write a systematics paper, so that I can spend next week researching my New Testament probe and going to my brother's college graduation. If I accept the offered extension in biblical theology, it shoves back my whole schedule, which is painstakingly arranged so that I am writing one and only one paper at any given time this term.

On the other hand, I can read it over and know that it would benefit from having someone else look it over and giving it another round of editing. What I don't know is whether it's worth it. One of my great failings as a student is a general inability to tell whether what I've written is any good or not until about a week after I've written it. I can't tell whether what I've got on the page now is vomitous nonsense and really ought to be rewritten again before I turn it in to someone, or whether it's maybe not the best thing I've ever written but perfectly reasonable and I should stop being such a perfectionist. I know what I'm dissatisfied with, but I'm too steeped in this paper right now to figure out what it ought to say instead.

So do I hand the paper in on time, even though an extension has been offered, knowing that it could be better than it is if I kept working on it? Or do I insist upon sticking to my schedule and being satisfied with a finished product, even if it's not the best paper in the whole wide world?

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

odds and ends

It's been a long and odd day, I've been writing a paper all night, and I'm told I'm thinking too hard, so this will be a collection of odd notions, rather than a coherent post tonight:

~First off - I've discovered that I like Luke. I've never paid much attention to this particular Gospel, except a select few pericopes; Matthew, of course, is the basis for Godspell, Mark is the short early one, and John is just John, so Luke has just been the odd one out, except around Christmas and Easter. But Luke is darn cool.

~I have submitted my FAFSA. I do not like doing financial aid forms. But I have made the first few steps, and soon I will be mostly done with that for another year.

~Not having a roommate around at one of the busiest parts of the quarter leaves me entirely too free not to clean up after myself. I'm doing reasonably on dishes, and having suitemates will keep me accountable for doing the bathroom this week, but I can't look around the room too often as I write my paper or I'll get tempted to start cleaning instead of writing.

~Finally - we have a new nut! As happens, I realized that I read Todd's blog, he's got me on his blogroll, and he's not yet in the peanut gallery. So once I post this and get back to "edit template" - he will be. Welcome, Todd!

Sunday, May 01, 2005

What just happened?

Ok, so for the last... oh, month, maybe? I've been pondering and mulling and ruminating on the strand of liturgical tradition that bows during the Nicene Creed from "he came down from heaven" to about "and was made man." The best explanations I've gotten for this practice involve (so far as I can tell) an acknowledgement that Christ lowered himself to become human, and the idea that the Incarnation is the crucial bit (in that, without the Incarnation, you don't get the crucifixion, resurrection, etc.). I've been chewing on these ideas because I haven't been entirely convinced about the Incarnation being the most important part, though I certainly didn't have anything to refute it with. On the whole, it's been a mildly persistent sort of pondering, not something I've felt that strongly about either way.

But just now in my systematics reading I came across the following:
"The new adjustment is that the conception of Jesus as God incarnate, the second person of the Holy Trinity living a human life, is 'a mythological or poetic way of expressing his significance for us,' rather than a literal truth.... Wiles questions whether incarnation is an essential concept in Christian faith, and also whether it is an intelligbile concept."

Blink. Blink. Stare. Come again? WTF? "Questions whether incarnation is an essential concept in Christian faith?" And then I found myself (no, really) writing on my question list: "what's left without the Incarnation?!? how do we have Christianity without it?" If you take out the Incarnation, none of the rest of it works!

And then again: Blink. Blink. Stare. Hunh. I guess when push comes to shove, I do believe (and pretty strongly, too) that the Incarnation is the key to the whole thing. Not such a problem after all. And you can bet that the next opportunity I get to say the Nicene Creed in worship, I'll be bowing right alongside my high church friends. I can't promise that will last forever (heck, I don't promise that any of my liturgical practice will last forever, no matter how attached I am to it - I'd like to hope that I'm more open to the Spirit than that) - but for the time being, at the very least until I get over the shock of Anglican theologians arguing against the Incarnation being essential to Christian faith, I'm going to be pretty stuck to it.

Out, out, damn thought!

I'm sitting in Panera, using their free wireless, drinking their free refills of coffee, trying to work out what on earth the Bible says about employment practice and firing people. I was just beginning to make progress on this finally when three NU students sat down at the one remaining table - a small one right in front of me. In order to fit them all in, they had to block me in (I'm in the corner). This is not in itself a problem - I can wait a little while to get more coffee.

Then they took out scraps of paper and started planning out some sort of theatrical project - it sounds like a collection of short student-written scenes. (later: Nope - in fact, they're mostly dance pieces, or at least dance-centered. Even better.) Now, if there's one profession that has ever threatened to tempt me away from an ecclesiastical vocation, it's the theater - specifically, stage managing. My senior year my dance professors wanted very badly to send me off to Yale or Columbia for an MFA in stage management, and for brief moments I pondered whether I might somehow be able to do both stage management and priestly ministry. It was a definite temptation. So I find it ironic that while I'm trying to work out a difficult biblical theology paper, three theater students come and start working out rehearsal schedules, scene arrangements, stage assignments, etc., seated so that they prevent me from going anywhere without a big fuss.

I can't help overhearing... they're practically sitting at my table. And I know I'd fit so well into this conversation. How am I supposed to stay focused on the Bible and employment in the middle of such an exciting conversation about one of the things I miss most from my former life?