Today, Seabury's rota for spring quarter preachers, presiders, and deacons came out.
I am on it.
This terrifies me.
Now, I should confess here that I did voluntarily submit the form that says "yes, sure, I'm willing to preach next quarter." So it's not a total shock. I turned the form in knowing that I'm terrified to preach at Seabury, and somewhat doubtful of whether now was the right time. But after consulting with various friends and mentors, it does seem like the terror will only grow by putting it off.
Also, the terror is somewhat mitigated by the fact that I'm assigned to preach at a Thursday night Eucharist, which is less formal and not in the chapel, and which has significantly lower faculty attendance than most masses here, with our chaplain (an extraordinarily gentle man) presiding and a good friend as deacon. Also I'm fairly sure I can be seen from behind the lectern in Seabury Lounge. (Somehow the fact that I read from the chapel pulpit all the time doesn't reassure me that I can be seen preaching from it.) And it's not until the beginning of May, and it's for the feast of a fairly minor saint, not for Annunciation or something. This all helps.
It does not, however, mean I'm not still terrified.