Woe to you who are preaching now...

Perhaps that's not really consistent with the biblical Beatitudes. It feels right, though. I've just discovered that all the concrete, juicy parts of my sermon for Sunday are actually an incipient sermon on Matthew 27:25. Which would be fine, except that I'm preaching on Matthew 4.

This would also be less frustrating if I hadn't had to spend this morning recreating the work I did on it yesterday morning that somehow didn't save; or if I weren't in class 1-9 today and 9-3 tomorrow; or if I had any real idea where the other part of the sermon is going; or if it weren't my last sermon (last day, in fact) with this conregation; or if there weren't so damn much going on in my life that isn't currently preachable material.

I suppose it's good for me to stretch, but I'm usually a big believer in the "whatever you're feeling, just dance it" school of sermon writing. It's hard to figure out what I feel strongly enough about to preach when everything at the top of my mind I can't say in this sermon. (Some other sermon, someday, but not this one.)


In other news, I'm not sure how much I'm really back from hiatus yet (see "not currently preachable" above). I really need to be focusing all my writing energy on my thesis (draft due March 1; 2 pages down, 48 pages to go), but I have at minimum gender balance awards for both J-term and spring semester to post, so I'll try to pop in again soon.

Poem

Hugo Schwyzer regularly posts short poems, which I sometimes read and sometimes skip - today's caught me rather deeply, so I'm sharing it here.

Termination for Cause

Sir,
I had thought the terms of our agreement
Were quite clear.
You were to provide me length of days,
Model children by a docile wife, support for same;
Keep far away all disaster man-made
Or act of your own.
And a death if not quite painless
At least sudden, without humiliation.
I in turn would confess You Creator
Of all things seen and unseen, offering customary
Praise and adoration.
Regarding line four above
Your performance has been marginal at best,
And I have now confirmation
From two physicians
Of what I must deem willful disregard
As to length of days and dying.
I therefore recognize no further obligation whatsoever
To provide the aforesaid praise, etc.
Or, indeed, to acknowledge Your existence.
Any further communication should be directed
To my counsel,
Who assures me that he knows You
from of old.

today sucks

Ok, I had a decent morning. But job has sucked big time and needs fixing, classes sucked, I have a meeting tomorrow I really don't want to go to, and someone acquired my debit card number and used it for two good-sized wire transfers tonight. (My bank called pretty immediately to verify them, so they've been reversed and all is clear, but it still meant an hour on the phone, getting a new card, etc.) Today sucks.

Now that's what you call ironic....

Feb 1, 2007: Holy Spirit hands me a sermon stating that words can't explain the way I know God by the look in your eyes.

Feb 24, 2007: Holy Spirit says, "Bwahahahaha! Now preach about how you know Jesus by the look in people's eyes."

I am not amused. (Though my roommates are.)

For what it's worth

I really thought that a nice benefit of not being an undergrad anymore (at least not officially, Les) would be that I wouldn't have to deal with 3 am fire alarms any more. 3 am fire alarms are among my least favorite things in life. They do very little to make me well-rested or to reduce my general fears that Bad Things Will Happen to those I love.

For those of you who are sleeping comfortably in the apartments, get a nice few hours. You're about to wake up to no heat again, in which we dorm-dwellers will be joining you this time. Hurray for pipes bursting.

Having voiced these objections, I'm going to try for a few more hours before I have to finish writing Sunday's sermon. Which will apparently be something I do from a coffee shop or something. (Here's hoping that the pipe break/heat shutoff at my field ed parish is fixed before Sunday....)

[Later: Ok, there seems to be heat after all. Apparently they were wrong about it killing the heat, or they fixed it really fast, or I imagined it all in a sleepless haze. I don't much care - I'm just glad to have the heat.]

Disappointment

In preparation for heading off to Ohio in a few weeks and being duly examined for ordination, I have to do a psych eval. (In my diocese, you do a psych eval before postulancy, and then again before ordination if it's been three years since you got postulancy.) This is fine, though it certainly doesn't thrill me.

Prior to said evaluation, you have to sign a release. Again, fine. I understand that the bishop will get this report, that they'll follow legal guidelines for not sharing it, etc.

Except.

I also have to agree never to try to see the results or get a copy of the report.

This bothers me greatly. If we're trying to create a process that's open, that encourages honesty and self-disclosure and gives people the confidence that that won't be used against them, we need access to reports of the state of our minds. I'm disappointed that my diocese, which mostly has a really good and safe process, requires us to waive this privilege.


On a happier note, I have just learned that I will not have to meet with the diocesan Board of Examining Chaplains to discuss deficiencies in my academic preparation and the possibility of remedial work before ordination. Thanks be to God for that.

If I had a hammer...

... I'd hit construction workers over the head with it. Except not really, because I don't do that, and they're often wearing hard hats anyway, though probably not the guys who are up here now.

But it's 8:20, and I have yet to get access to my bathroom this morning. I got up and Roommate 1 was in there; then she came out but the Construction Men came up into our hallway, so I decided to dress first instead of going out in my pajamas; then as soon as I was dressed, Roommate 2 got in the shower. I am hoping that she's a very quick showerer, but I suspect I will not get access before Morning Prayer starts at 8:30. I'm not opposed to using one elsewhere in the building, but that one won't have my toothbrush and toothpaste in it.

I am trying to remember that I am glad the construction workers weren't fixing these fire alarms during GOE's, rather than getting angry that they had to start doing so at 7:30 this morning.

And so it begins.

Tonight's dinner: Tilapia. Rice w/peas. Green bean casserole (yep, just like Grandma used to make). Oh, and rolls. And date cake or spice cake or something like that.

Tonight's conversation with the new chef:
Yodabeth: Hi, Chef.
Chef: Hi.
Y: Is there a vegetarian entree tonight?
C: The green beans are vegetarian.
Y: Yes, thanks. Is there an entree, though?
C: Green beans.
Y: Well, the green beans and rice are veggie, yes. But they're side dishes. So there's no vegetarian entree?
C: No.
Y: Ok.

(Point of order: some of this repetition was to ensure clarity, as English is not the new chef's first language. Her English is pretty good, but it seems to be worth double checking things.)

This is a slightly different approach to training a new chef than I've taken before. That's partly because the old approach hasn't worked all that well, and partly because this chef seems to be very adaptable in other ways. Someone asked "Do we have Cremora here?" and the next day we did, for instance. So I'm starting slow, planting a seed. It was also closer to an entree than, say, a pan of over-steamed vegetables, so that's something, and it's the first day that there's been a problem at all. Plus, at least she didn't think that the fish was vegetarian, which was an initial problem with last year's new chef. I'm hoping that tonight's conversation will inspire a bit of rethinking on her part before we move to actual suggestions. (Empowered and empowering cooks, etc.)

Perhaps I could start a 12-step program for chefs addicted to meat-centered meals. Step One: Admit that green beans (squash, broccoli, etc.) are not an entree. Time will tell whether we've accomplished this step tonight and can move on to step two, or whether we need to spend some more time with step one.

... followed by annoyance

So, to end my day, which wasn't stellar to begin with (for no particular reason - things went fine, it just wasn't a great day)?

1) I've lost my keys. I first missed them after dinner and I know I had them when I ran to get a Bible for Taize, so they ought to be by the mailboxes or in the chapel or refectory, or in my room. But I can't find them. I am at least into my room for now, though.

2) A friend called to tell me that she's about to restart the ordination process for the third time. The problem? Mostly that she's a lesbian. Not partnered, even (no, it shouldn't make a difference, but it sometimes does), but out. She was about to be licensed (she's Amer. Bapt., not Episcopalian) this month, but now she's got to restart.

So I'm frustrated with myself, and angry at the church. An excellent end to the day.

How to change your billing address in the technology age

11:15: Log on to (Visa, MasterCard, etc) website
11:18: Figure out that you need to go to sponsoring bank's website
11:19: Log on to bank site
11:22: Discover that you can't do it online, or at least can't figure out how to right now
11:23: Call number on back of card
11:25: Finally get to main menu
11:26: Discover that "for address" means "if you want ours"
11:27: Return to main menu
11:28: Press 0 to speak with a representative
11:29: Begin blogging about changing billing address
11:32: Speak with customer service representative
11:33: Convince her that you really do want to change billing address
11:35: Establish new billing address
11:37: Finish rejecting other associated offers
11:38: Post

Hrmph

Kristian - if you happen to read this, my parents' house has terrible phone reception, especially during the summer storms we've been getting, and I've lost your email address. Sorry - hope to connect soon!

For the record

I object to having to get up before 7 more than once in the same week. Really, I'd just as soon be able to sleep until 8 every day and 9 or 10 once every couple of weeks, but I accept that 8:00 services don't really allow that schedule. I just don't think I should have to do it on other days besides Sunday.

crap.

I've been plugging right along on my Matthew paper, and was feeling encouraged that this was really going to happen in the time remaining before the due date without too much blood and tears. But now I'm stuck. Stuck, stuck, stuck. I'm about a quarter of the way down page 12 of what I think will be 17 pages, and I'm stuck. I've got an outline that tells me what I'm supposed to talk about, but suddenly none of it makes sense to me anymore. I have nothing to say. Where did all my thoughts go??? When I left at 5:30, I was totally into the paper. Now, nothing. Grr.

How long, O Lord?

When's reading week again?

For that matter, how long till summer? I'm tired of being this tired, and am looking forward to a job that's really truly supposed to be only 40 hours/week (although I'm sure I'll find ways to squeeze in more...).

Oh, who am I kidding? My summer to-do list includes editing/rewriting two or three papers and reading a considerable amount of history for exams.

Ok. I'll keep writing now.

STOP!!!

Someone is doing descending scales on the carillon - over, and over, and over. My window is directly across from the carillon. I am trying to write a paper. I am annoyed.

(Ok, they finally stopped. I'm confused still, because the scales stopped and then the person rang three bells, as though for chapel, and as far as I know we have no Friday night 7:35 service. But it's quiet again.)

Ew.

Cockroach. In. My. Teakettle.

I just looked at a tape measure to check, and the thing had to be at least two inches long. I am not given to exaggerating or freaking out about bugs, but neither am I accustomed to finding two-inch cockroaches In My Teakettle (which we used last night).

Cockroach, you have your home and I have mine. They are not the same place. Please advise.

(Of course, Cockroach has just taken a three-story dive out the window and may not be paying much attention right now....)

Ew.