mystery!

Sometime between the last time I used my snow brush in my car and today, it seems to have transformed from a lovely blue and black sturdy plastic snow brush/scraper into one of the flimsy wooden-handled ones, with a very used looking, wimpy brush. I could have sworn that last time I was in my car the blue and black one was in there. In fact, I could have sworn that the blue and black one was in there when Joe and I took it to the dealership. That's the part that confuses me most - I could see someone borrowing my car and needing somehow to replace my snow brush, I suppose, but it seems odd to me that it would morph during its visit to the dealership and body shop. Sad.

Still, such are the mysteries of life...

with a memory so clear that it's as if you're still before me...

For lack of anything else to post tonight, I'll jump on the bandwagon. I've certainly commented on enough of these...

If you read this, even if I don't speak to you often, please post a memory of me. It can be anything you want, it can be good or bad, just so long as it happened. Then post this to your journal/blog. See what people remember about you.

wake up, lazybones!

I didn't set my alarm last night. There was no mass this morning, so I thought I'd sleep in, and it was lovely to get close to 11 hours of sleep.

It meant, though, that I woke up at 10:30 to the following outside my window:

(Imagine stereotypical old people voices)

woman: THIS IS A SEMINARY!
man: WHAT??
woman: IT'S AN EPISCOPAL SEMINARY! THEY WORK HARD DAY AND NIGHT, AND AT THE END IF THEY'RE LUCKY THEY'LL BE EPISCOPAL PRIESTS!
man: GOOD FOR THEM!

I heard that, rolled over, saw that it was 10:30, and thought to myself, "day and night, hunh? guess I'd better get up"

I'm going to shower now and try to get to the grocery store and back by lunch, before some sneaky grocery store owner decides "NO GROCERIES FOR YOU!"

this should be interesting...

from Kirsten's LJ:


- bold the ones you've seen
- italicize the ones you've seen part of
- put an * next to the ones you actually liked
- add three to the end

01. Night at the Roxbury
02. Shrek *
03. M
04. Dogma*
05. Strictly Ballroom
06. The Princess Bride *
07. Love, Actually *
08. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring *
09. The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers *
10. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King *
11. Reservoir Dogs
12. Desperado
13. Swordfish (can I put half a star? it was ok)
14. Kill Bill, Vol. 1
15. Donnie Darko
16. Spirited Away*
17. Better Than Sex
18. Sleepy Hollow
19. Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of The Black Pearl *
20. The Eye
21. Requiem for a Dream
22. Dawn of the Dead
23. The Pillow Book
24. The Italian Job
25. Goonies
26. Basketball
27. The Spice Girls Movie
28. Army of Darkness
29. The Color Purple
30. The Saftey of Objects
31. Can't Hardly Wait
32. Mystic Pizza
33. Finding Nemo *
34. Monsters Inc. *
35. Circle of Friends*
36. Mary Poppins*
37. The Bourne Identity
38. Forrest Gump*
39. A Clockwork Orange
40. Kindergarten Cop
41. On The Line
42. My Big Fat Greek Wedding
43. Final Destination
44. Sorority Boys
45. Urban Legend
46. Cheaper by the Dozen* (ok, I think they mean the Steve Martin version, which I have not seen, but I can't afford to let anything slide by... I have seen the one based on the book by Ernestine Gilbreth Carey - you know, the real one)
47. The Crow
48. The Princess and the Warrior
49. Seabiscuit
50. Hard Core Logo
51. Phantom of the Paradise
52. Zardoz
53. Lost in Translation
54. American Beauty
55. Big Fish
56. Starship Troopers (did appreciate it a lot more when I saw it in "America and the Germans" class than when I saw it in the theaters)
57. Starship Troopers 2
58. The Lost Boys (yeah, um, i had issues with this one. at least the first six times or so.)
59. All About Eve
60. Showgirls
61. Swept Away
62. Star Wars: A New Hope*
63. Black Hawk Down
64. Elizabeth*
65. The Shawshank Redemption*
66. Four Weddings and a Funeral
67. The Sound of Music*
68. Notting Hill*
69. Scotland, PA
70. Oxygen
71. Ringu
72. Shrunken Heads
73. Legends
74. About a Boy
75. Lilo and Stitch
76. Who Framed Roger Rabbit?*
77. Pitch Black
78. Maid in Manhattan
79. Willow
80. Secret Of Nymh
81. Thoroughly Modern Millie
82. The Cutting Edge*
83. Anna and the King
84. The American President*
85. Save The Last Dance
86. Grease *
87. Dirty Dancing*
88. Mad Love
89. Lantana
90. Kiss the Sky
91. Braveheart
92. Dark City
93. SLC Punk
94. Memento
95. In America
96. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory*
97. The Wedding Planner*
98. Empire Records
99. Edward Scissorhands*
100. Almost Famous
101. Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie
102. Star Trek Generations
103. Beyond The Mat
104. Transformers: The Movie
105. Scary Movie
106. X-Men (might have liked it better under different circumstances
107. Ghost
108. Changing Lanes
109. Hangman's Curse
110. Broken Arrow
111. Mona Lisa Smile*
112. Moulin Rouge *
113. The Ninth Gate
114. Emma
115. The Name of the Rose
116. Top Gun
117. Heartbreak Ridge
118. U-571
119. Ghost Ship
120. Johnny English
121. Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights
122. The Fifth Element
123. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban*
124. Holes
125. The Pianist
126. Amelie *
127. Road Trip
128. Miracle
129. Center Stage*
130. Spider-Man
131. Exorcist
132. Omen
133. 8 Mile
134. Son in Law
135. Stepmom*
136. Dr. Strangelove
137. Full Metal Jacket
138. Lolita
139. Little Shop of Horrors (I think,anyway... if my brother read my blog, he might be able to tell me. If I saw it, I probably liked it... don't remember)
140. Annie*
141. Rocky Horror Picture Show *
142. Being John Malkovich
143. Monty Python & the Holy Grail *
144. Street Fighter Alpha: The Movie
145. Under the Tuscan Sun
146. The Four Feathers
147. Gosford Park*
148. Bubble Boy
149. Without a Paddle
150. Labyrinth *
151. Shrek 2 *
152. Spider-Man 2
153. X-Men 2
154. Ever After
155. Great Expectations
156. Orgazmo
157. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
158. The Matrix*
159. Underworld
160. Anchorman
161. Leon: The Professional
162. The Cooler
163. Head (1969)
164. Bridget Jones's Diary
165. Albino Aligator
166. Chasing Amy
167. The Usual Suspects
168. The Shape of Things
169. 13 Conversations About One Thing
170. Hero
171. Rules of Attraction
172. I (heart) Huckabees
173. Farenheit 9/11
174. Akira
175. Garden State
176. Ghost in the Shell
177. Kissing Jessica Stein*
178. Sailor Moon: Super S
179. Adaptation
180. Punch Drunk Love
181. Mulan*
182. Napoleon Dynamite
183. Pleasantville*
184. Rat Race
185. Blue Crush
186. In Good Company
187. 13 Going on 30*
188. Elf
189. Life Is Beautiful *
190. Cruel Intentions (it was ok)
191. Princess Mononoke
192. Mallrats*
193. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
194. Fight Club (brilliant. and i hated it.)
195. Phantom of the Opera*
196. First Knight*
197. Alexander
198. Real Genius
199. Secretary
200. Quills
201. Detroit Rock City
202. Beetlejuice
203. Thirteen
204. Trainspotting
205. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
206. Weird Science
207. Mean Girls *
208. The Bourne Supremecy
209. Dodgeball
210. Meet the Parents (blah)
211. Meet the Fockers
212. Troy
213. Saw
214. The Passion of the Christ
215. Ray
216. Collateral
217. Coach Carter
218. Assault on Precinct 13
219. Hitch
220. Finding Neverland*
221. National Treasure
222. Million Dollar Baby
223. Cellular
224. The Terminal
225. Mr. 3000
226. Head of State
227. Blue Streak
228. National Security
229. Rush Hour*
230. Rush Hour 2*
231. Shanghai Noon*
232. Shanghai Knights
233. XXX
234. The Fast and the Furious
235. 2 Fast 2 Furious
236. The Last Samurai
237. Van Helsing
238. Ocean’s Eleven*
239. Ocean’s Twelve
240. Men in Black*
241. Men in Black II*
242. I, Robot
243. Harold and Kumar go to White Castle
244. Zoolander
245. Rose Red
246. The Silence of the Lambs
247. Hannibal
248. Red Dragon
249. Prophecy trilogy
250. Interview with the Vampire
251. Queen of the Damned
252. Pi
253. Ichi The Killer
254. Suspiria
255. Spun
256. A Beautiful Mind
257. Nightmare Before Christmas
258. The Butterfly Effect
259. White Noise
260. Alone in the Dark
261. The Aviator
262. American Psycho
263. Die Hard
264. Die Hard 2
265. Die Hard with a Vengeance
266. Batman
267. Batman Returns
268. Batman Forever*
269. Batman & Robin*
270. Resident Evil
271. Resident Evil: Apocalypse
272. What's Eating Gilbert Grape?
273. Blade
274. Blade II
275. Blade: Trinity
276. The Blues Brothers*
277. Blues Brothers 2000
278. Ghostbusters
279. Ghostbusters 2
280. Clue
281. Raiders of the Lost Ark
282. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
283. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
284. Street Fighter
285. Super Mario Brothers
286. Gremlins
287. Gremlins 2
288. The Addams Family (it was so-so)
289. Addams Family Values
290. Superman
291. Superman II
292. Superman III
293. Superman IV
294. South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut*
295. Beavis & Butt-head Do America
296. Ed Wood
297. Donnie Brasco
298. Pulp Fiction
299. Face/Off (maybe? did this come out when I was in high school?)
300. Con Air*
301. Mission: Impossible
302. MI:2
303. Escape from Alcatraz
304. Speed
305. Speed 2
306. Go
307. The Godfather
308. The Godfather Part II
309. The Godfather Part III
310. Manhunter
311. UHF
312. Mortal Kombat
313. Mortal Kombat: Annihilation
314. Saving Private Ryan *
315. The Relic
316. Enemy at the Gates
317. Home Alone *
318. Home Alone 2*
319. Home Alone 3
320. Home Alone
321. Happy Gilmore
322. Billy Madison
323. The Waterboy
324. Little Nicky
325. Dirty Work
326. Tommy Boy
327. Black Sheep
328. Death Wish
329. Pecker
330. Cecil B. Demented
331. The Shining
332. Carrie
333. Pet Sematary
334. Pet Sematary Two
335. The Terminator* (ok, I don't remember much of the movie, but it was a good night...)
336. Terminator 2
337. Terminator 3 (either this or T2... I think it was this)
338. Ned Kelly
339. Kate & Leopold
340. Mystic River
341. I Am Sam
342. Joan of Arc (Leelee Sobieski)
343. 50 First Dates
344. Atilla
345. Timeline
346. Titanic*
347. Reign of Fire
348. Legends of the Fall
349. The Mask of Zorro
350. Rudy
351. Signs
352. The Village
353. Gladiator
354. The Bumblebee Flies Anyway.
355. The War
356. Gothika
357. Se7en
358. Hairspray
359. Love Me If You Dare/Jeux d'enfants
360. Maria Full of Grace
361. Vampire Clan
362. Once Upon A Time in Mexico
363. A Soldier’s Girl
364. Ong – Bak: Thai Warrior
365. The Man Who Cried
366. Some Like It Hot
367. The Sleeping Dictionary
368. Lola Rennt (Run Lola Run)*
369. Sideways
370. Steel Magnolias*
371. Bend it Like Beckham*
372. Tombstone
373. The Girl Next Door
374. Now and Then*
375. Muppet Christmas Carol*
376. Little Women*

There's commentary on the ones I didn't like, mostly because the bold is showing up poorly.

I'm amazed, actually, at the amount of bolding on this list. Also at how close I got to the number of movies Kirsten's seen. At least on this list. Though on this list, there are still 200 more movies that I haven't seen than that I have. Not just 200 I haven't seen, but 200 more. Eh well.

catholic it is... but they misspelled it... ;)

You scored as Catholic. Catholic 90% Jewish 70% Christian (Protestant) 55% Anarchist 45% Cult 40% Buddhist 30% Religion created with QuizFarm.com

is that right? that's a LOT of text for a little tiny bar graph...

Janik cards!

My tenth grade English class was one of the most remarkable classes I've ever had. We read, wrote, and thought more in that class than in any other class I had in high school and many I've had since. One of Janik's classic assignments was the index cards. At any time, we were supposed to have a good stock of 5x7 index cards, and most days he would start class by giving us a quotation, or a word, or a picture, or some such thing, and we would have to write a card about it. We could write anything we wanted, as long as it related to the topic. When we visited the art museum, we were assigned a number of cards to ensure that we thought about the art. Whatever we did, we reflected on it on 5x7 index cards, and I generally loved it.

Even then, I appreciated the pedagogical value of making us Think. Until today, though, I'd never noticed a direct correlation to other academic work. Today I was sitting with Psalms and the Life of Faith looking for another passage to reflect on so I can finish my book reflection, and I realized that I was writing Janik cards. They're a bit longer now, and the language is a bit more polished, the thoughts more fully worked out (sometimes). But those cards were direct training for a lot of what I'm writing now, and to enable me to find something thoughtful to say about nearly anything if I have to. It also makes some of my current assignments feel a little bit more enjoyable to think of them as large index cards... instead of 5x7, they're 5-7, but the reflection process is much the same. Hunh.

now accepting applications...

So as some of you know, I'm preaching at my home parish on March 6. In other words, I'm now soliciting reflections on the following passages:

1 Samuel 16:1-13
Psalm 23
Ephesians 5:1-14
John 9: 1-41 (despite the fact that the Episcopal lectionary cuts it off at v. 38)

There's a lot about seeing and darkness and light in there to start with, but I think I'm going to look at the common thread of fear throughout. Maybe. Right now I'm playing with how that works into the relationship between the blind man and everyone else except Jesus, and who the blind man is in our world, and how (at least for this congregation) it just might not be us... I'm preaching to an incredibly educated, wealthy, privileged, powerful group of people, who like to identify with the healed in healing stories, and while I think that's often good, I also think that parish lets itself off the hook a lot by focusing on their own individual pain and healing, so I'd like to invite them to move beyond that as well. I'd also like to bring in some of the darkness and light imagery, even if Julia thinks it's too platonistic.

Beyond that, I don't have much, but we'll look at the Greek on Friday and then I've got another week after that to get it well and truly ready. I'd like to have a manuscript for the longer version done before my retreat with the COM March 4-5, so then I can just review notes and tweak things Saturday night.

Glad I was sitting down...

The Cleveland.com sports page lists "Bullpen again key for Indians" under "Latest Baseball Headlines." I realize this is February and not October - but this is headline-worthy information? It seems to me that the bullpen is always key for the Indians (nor is this unique to them). Even the article doesn't say much - the best they can come up with for a first paragraph is to tell me that Eric Wedge drove straight from Ohio to Florida for spring training. Why is this pertinent information? Am I missing something here?

"yeah the blessings, at the moment i was most alone..."

I think Rhonda is psychic. Two weeks ago, the weekend after the GM debacle, I was missing her a lot. I knew she would have understood completely and brought some good levity to the situation. That Monday, I got a surprise package with a present Rhonda had picked up on her trip to Jerusalem and a postcard quoting "Jerusalem, Jerusalem, how often have I longed to gather you as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you would not let me" (only in Latin).
This week, I finally wrote Rhonda a thank-you letter and I mentioned how providential the timing of her package had been. Today (which, as you may have noticed, is the day after last night) I got a phone call from her, full of the righteous indignation and wicked sense of humor I'd been missing. It was really great to talk to her, and to laugh like that. She's a very funny woman, and a marvelously loving one as well. I have had very good luck with roommates in my life, and for that I am thankful.

surreal

Tomorrow is Emily's* birthday - she would have been 25. As I often do when I'm particularly missing her, I'm watching the video "Diocese of Today's Youth" (or some such thing), which is basically a slideshow of photos with music in the background. Since I was 16 when a couple other peer ministers compiled it, it's got most of the people who were peer ministers right before or with me and a few significant people slightly younger than I am. What I usually do is to watch them go by and then pause the pictures of Emily and remember for a few seconds before I go on.

Anyway, right now I'm paused on a picture that shows Emily and another girl tickling me. (For one thing, we all look really really young, but that's not surreal.) In most pictures, I have no idea where these people are now and what they're doing - Barb is in my liturgy class, Lyn is a social worker, and Hopie is traveling around the world, and that's about it - but I have every reason to believe they're still alive. (I saw many of them a few years ago at Emily's memorial service.) But of the three of us in this picture, Emily is certainly dead, I am certainly alive, and the third girl could easily be either. Last I heard she was a prostitute in Cleveland somewhere and was in the hospital, but that was a few years ago. For all I know, she's gotten help somewhere and is living marvelously - then again, for all I know, she could be dead too. That's what's surreal about that picture.

*I googled to try to find a picture of Emily to link to, but the only decent one I could find seems to be on a website using it to help further racism. It's an ironically sickening memorial for a woman as passionate about social justice and human dignity as Emily was.

hunh?

The "what makes you sexy?" quiz on Marisa's LJ tells me that my sexy body part is my nose, and my special talent is looking innocent. Looking innocent I can believe.

But my nose? What on earth makes a nose sexy? Do I even want to know?

I'd post the meme here, but, well, I don't feel like it.

I don't really feel like reading about Psalms either, but if I intend to play most of the day tomorrow, I should be productive tonight. Maybe if I meet my goal for the night I'll take out my guitar.

Speaking of which - where can I buy new guitar strings within walking distance of Seabury? Mine are quite a bit older than they ought to be.

huzzah!

I made myself a new blog tonight. It's very basic - I haven't played around with colors and things yet at all, but it starts out in shades of pink, so that's ok. This one is because I've repeatedly, since about age 8, started and lost book journals. So I figured that even if I remain terrible about posting mini book review/summary things, I can't lose this one.

On a totally unrelated note, I realized that the sermon/sermons I have to write are coming up in about two weeks now, so I should really start thinking about it/them. Also about hymns for the second service, which apparently I get to pick.

homesick

Frank played "Heaven" by Live in class today, and it totally took me back to last year. I hear this song now and I'm driving down Big Bend in spring weather with the windows open, probably frustrated by someone in The Church telling me things can't be done the way we're doing them, or that I can't be who I am, or something like that, and hearing the chorus:

I don't need no one to tell me about heaven
I look at my daughter, and I believe.
I don't need no proof when it comes to God and truth
I can see the sunset and I perceive

and seeing in my head the faces of the ECM community. I don't need to be told about heaven, or God, or truth - I look at these people around me, at the blue skies and the trees turning green, and I feel the breeze and smell the soil, and I believe.

And right now, I'm very aware of being in Chicago in February, with a group of people who are also marvelous... but I miss St Louis. March feels like a long time away right now.

new peanuts!

I realized, upon reading my comments below, that while I read Tripp and Mark's blogs and they apparently read mine as well, they weren't listed in my Peanut Gallery. This injustice has been rectified. (Sorry, Tripp, I can't do much about your not getting to officiate Evensong, but one out of two ain't bad.) Welcome!

this is getting weird...

So we're at the point now in my Use of the Voice class where we're done learning to point collects and sing suffrages - a good thing, since class members have begun officiating evensong and matins. This means, however, that we're now learning to point things like Gospels and Eucharistic Prayers. This is a Very Weird Thing. I'm so not supposed to be singing Gospels and Eucharistic Prayers. Certainly not yet, and it still feels kind of weird to be training to sing them at all. At age 8 or 9, when it was all still play, I would gladly have made up my own tones and practiced them with dolls or something, except that I'd never heard these things sung until high school or college. But learning to sing them now is just weird. Not entirely comfortable getting up and singing a Gospel in front of people today - not because I don't want to sing in front of my class, I've gotten over that - but because I'm Not Supposed To Do That.

(For those who aren't churchy people... umm... wait... right, so for Marisa and Kiery... these things are only supposed to be done by ordained clergy. Which I'm not.)

Note to Self

I should really have a conversation with my parents soon, before I start dating someone again (ok, I suppose I don't know how long that will give me, but let's be optimistic and stick with soon), about what is and is not appropriate parental behavior during wedding planning. That is, I trust my parents not to be weird and controlling... but I also thought they'd be more ok with it when I came out, so I only really trust them a certain amount. Yeah.

And this is why I don't give my parents my blog address. This among other reasons.

N.B. Ryan tells me she's been telling my parents for years that the proper role of the parents is to set the bride on fire, so I don't have to worry. However, they have not yet settled on a means of setting the bride on fire, so I think the conversation is still worth having.

very strange...

Apparently Safari refuses to acknowledge that I have comments here. If I view my blog in Netscape, I see "Comments (0)" like normal... if I view it in Safari, not so much. weird.

to be or not to be? is it a question?

I resent strongly the implication in our Gospel Mission reading that gays push the biological argument as a way to be accepted. I don't know the biological research and I'm not going to try to quibble about what it does or doesn't prove. I do know that I have other reasons for insisting that my sexual orientation was not my choice but is irrevocably part of me. Primarily, I believe that it's a "given", to use Weber's term, because I never made a choice to be bisexual. I realized that I was attracted to guys; a while later, I figured out/admitted that I was also attracted to women; finally I accepted that that fit pretty well with the label "bisexual." But at no point did I choose to be queer.

Do I choose to identify as bisexual? Yes. Do I choose when, where, and how I come out or stay in the closet? Generally, though occasionally someone chooses for me. But did I choose to be attracted to women as well as men? F*ck, no. Why on earth would I have chosen something that makes me repulsive to many lesbians and gay men as well as to many straight people; something that greatly increases my vulnerability within my vocation (and I came out as ordination track about the same time I came out as bisexual, so there was no surprise about it)? Why on earth would I choose something that I prayed for a year for God to take away from me, or at least for God to choose between "bisexual" and "priest"?

Sure, insisting that this wasn't my choice doesn't address the issue of whether it would be ok if I had chosen it. I'm ok with that, at least at this juncture. My firm belief that God created me this way does in fact have bearing on my theological stance that it's an ok way to be. But I don't "push through" an argument of "it wasn't me, don't blame me" as a way out. I argue that sexual orientation - totally apart from how we do choose to live that out - is something with which we're endowed by our Creator, if you will, because that's been my experience. Because I did not, in fact, choose this.

Truth telling

"How people interpret their 'truths' - their lives, the meanings they take from their experiences - is also revealed as much in their silences and the things they take for granted as in their spoken words."

EXACTLY. Silence is not a neutral zone. Silence does not guarantee innocence. Sorry, but it's true.

foiled again

If the squash is thrown into greasy fake ground beef and topped with melted cheese, does that mean I'm no longer allowed to complain about it? because, really, putting veggie crumble on something makes it less palatable, not more.

Poor Cecil

Some of you may know that over Christmas, we discovered that my car hood was closing but not latching. Several of us concurred that the hood was probably unlikely to fly up while driving and therefore was not an urgent concern.

The problem here is that those of us making this assumption really don't know anything - at least, not about cars. So yesterday while Laura was driving along Lake Shore Drive, the hood did in fact fly up. Oops. Luckily, she was able to pull over and several very nice people who seemed to know at least a little more about cars were able to get the hood down and tie it in place, and she and Cecil both returned safely.

Unfortunately, Cecil is now at the Toyota dealership waiting for a new hood, and probably a new fender and column as well. Now, apparently, when a hood flies up on its own, it often shatters the windshield. This did not happen, and I am as thankful for that as I'm sure Laura will be when she discovers this. On the other hand, I can't imagine that a new hood, fender, and column will come in at anything other than Expensive. Yikes.

However, while today was not a good car day/money day, it was an excellent mail day. I got a very funny "happy monday" card from Susie, an Ohio State Buckeyes postcard from Heather, and a package from Rhonda with a beautiful painted plate from her recent trip to Jerusalem.

This means that overall, today was still a much better day than the last few. Huzzah for that!

Two songs

Two songs today, in lieu of a real post. Both by the Indigo Girls, both written by Emily Saliers.

Philosophy of Loss

Welcome to why the church has died
In the heart of the exiled in the kingdom of hate
Who owns the land & keeps the commands
And marries itself to the state
Modern scribes write in Jesus Christ
Everyone is free
And the doors open wide to all straight men & women
But they are not open to me

And who is teaching kids to be soldiers
To be marked by a plain white cross
And we kill just a little to save a lot more
The philosophy of loss

There are a few who would be true out of love
And love is hard
And don't think that our hands haven't shoveled the dirt
Over their central American graveyards
Doctors & witch hunters stripped you bare
Left you nothing for your earthly sins
Yeah but who made this noise just a bunch of boys
And the one with the most toys wins

Who is teaching kids to be gamblers
Life is a coin toss
And of course what you give up is what you gain
The philosophy of loss

Whatever has happened to anyone else
Could happen to you & to me
And the end of my youth was the possible truth
That it all happens randomly

Who is teaching kids to be leaders
and the way that it is meant to be
the philosophy of loss


language or the kiss

i don’t know if it was real or in a dream
lately waking up i’m not sure where i’ve been
there was a table set for six and five were there
i stood outside and kept my eyes upon that empty chair
and there was steam on the windows from the kitchen
laughter like a language i once spoke with ease
but i’m made mute by the virtue of decision
i choose most of your life goes on without me

oh the fear i’ve known
that i might reap the praise of strangers and end up on my own
all i’ve sown was a song but maybe i was wrong

i said to you the one gift which i’d adore
unwrap a package of the next 10 years unfolding
but you told me if i had my way i’d be bored
right then i knew i loved you best born of your scolding
when we last talked we were lying on our backs
looking up at the sky through the ceiling
i used to lie like that alone out on the driveway
trying to read the greek upon the stars the alphabet of feeling

oh i knew back then
it was a calling that said if joy then pain
the sound of the voice these years later is still the same

i am alone in a hotel room tonight
i squeeze the sky out but there’s not a star appears
begin my studies with this paper and this pencil
and i’m working through the grammar of my fears
mercy what i won’t give
to have the things that mean the most not to mean the things i miss
unforgiving the choice still is the language or the kiss

Yeah. Anyway, I'm headed to Indiana for the night. Back tomorrow.

Squash...

is a game, an action, a sound, a "crushed or crowded mass," a British soda, a tendril-bearing plant with edible fruit, or such fruit, which makes a lovely side dish, especially if you enjoy the taste.

It is not an entree.

Despite this, this week at Seabury the vegetarian dinner offerings have been:
Zucchini & yellow squash mix
Something that looked like tomato juice with celery and onion, served over rice
Stuffed shells with alfredo sauce
Half a yellow squash with lemon butter

Seeing a pattern here? Twice this week, the vegetarian entree has been squash.

Now, it's unfortunate but admittedly not the kitchen's fault that I don't happen to like squash (the veggie sandwich at lunch yesterday was also a grilled squash sandwich, by the way). However, it is the kitchen's fault (ok, the cooks' fault) that all they're feeding me is squash. I realize I won't always like the veggie option. I don't hold it against them when they serve eggplant, and I even eat their stuffed zucchini with some pleasure, since it includes things like tofu and cheese and rice in the stuffing. I get irritable when they serve plain rubbery tofu blocks, but that's life in a dorm. Serving steamed vegetables as an "entree," however, when everyone else is eating meatloaf and lemon chicken and salmon, is not an acceptable way to feed us - even if it is just Hope and me.

I'll stop ranting now, and start looking for some dinner around here.

alice's bones?

I've never noticed it before, never having listened much to "Dem Bones"... but "Dem Bones" sounds a lot like "Alice the Camel" - or, probably more accurately, "Alice the Camel" sounds a lot like "Dem Bones" - especially the line where it says either "so ride, Alice, ride" or "now hear the word of the Lord."

Makes me feel like I should be waist deep in a creek holding hands with ten-year-olds, not sitting in Old Testament class.

let's play again!

I posted this in June, but I was reading some of my archives (originally looking for something, though I don't remember what) and found this, so I decided to see how different my answers are now.

For lack of anything I'd rather be doing:

Countdown: borrowed from Marisa's livejournal

10 bands you've been listening to a lot lately:

ooh! this will be easier than last time - itunes will give me the answer :)

1. Indigo Girls
2. Catie Curtis
3. Jars of Clay
4. Dar Williams
5. Amy Ray
6. Simon & Garfunkel
7. Tracy Chapman
8. U2
9. Dido
10. Guster

9 things you look forward to (wow, these are entirely different):

1. Seeing St Louis people
2. Greek group (yes, I know I'm a nerd)
3. next quarter's schedule (ditto)
4. being done with my site visit
5. knowing where I'm doing CPE
6. ooh! Driving.
7. preaching in March
8. hanging out with Hope & Andrew next weekend
9. nights with good vegetarian dinners in the refectory

8 things you like to wear (we'll adjust slightly for season):

1. my torn jeans
2. my long-sleeved indigo girls shirt
3. my sandals
4. my 1991 camp t-shirt
5. hippie skirts (sadly, i really don't have any anymore)
6. sweaters
7. tank tops
8. my electric blue velour "yoga pants"

7 things that annoy you:

1. people interrupting the professor
2. distance
3. stupidity
4. unnecessary repetition
5. people who don't use turn signals responsibly (though less so at the moment)
6. passing out/not being able to drive
7. people telling me that i should listen to the indigo girls less

6 things you say most days:

1. "i should" do such and such (which is at least an improvement on "you should")
2. bah!
3. no, i have class then
4. ok, what am i supposed to read for ___?
5. grr.
6. umm...does IMing Hope the puking icon during class count?

5 things you do every day:

1. check my email
2. eat
3. pray
4. read something
5. sleep

4 people you want to spend more time with:

1. Rory
2. Ryan
3. Emily
4. Kristian

(the above is a non-hierarchical list which is limited to four only because the countdown thing tells me to and should not be taken as offensive or hurtful by any parties not listed thereupon or dissatisfied with their position thereupon; also i have purposely limited it to out-of-town people, for a similar reason)

3 movies you could watch over and over again:

1. Kissing Jessica Stein (finally own it, huzzah)
2. Now and Then
3. Muppet Christmas Carol

2 of your favorite songs at the moment:

1. Wood Song (IG)
2. Falling Silent in the Dark (Catie Curtis)

1 person you could spend the rest of your life with (yeah, i'll stick with this answer):

1. there are probably a number in different ways... but I don't think that's what's meant here... so out of protest against the extreme unclarity of the question, i respectfully abstain.

And now I shall to bed.