If you must

I can hear murmurs across the hall. I want to poke my head in over there (a surprisingly easy thing right now, since their suite door doesn't close, but we'll work on that) and say "No, you silly things, go back to bed! Sleep while you can!" I understand that even if they're not morning people (which they may be), it's the first morning of orientation and they both want showers and probably breakfast before morning prayer. I'm sure I wanted the same two years ago. But I personally would rather not have been up before 7, and therefore feel as though they ought to sleep as late as possible.

I'm going to make either a terrible or an excellent mother someday (I hope). At any rate, I do have to be up now, because I am a Mighty Tri-Chair and must ensure that the newbies have breakfast to eat. So off I go.

Yes

What she said.

***

(Actually, what I wish she'd said at the beginning, is that she doesn't understand the "argument" of "If x is true, the following horrible things will happen; therefore x is false." But otherwise, I think she's spot-on.)

Out of straws

Some of you may recall last Thursday's cockroach sighting in the common room. The truly attentive may even remember last year's tempest in the teapot, so to speak. Last year, we traced them to the utility sink in the stairwell, and the maintenance crew disposed of them. Last week, I let it go since I only saw one once.

Tonight, I turned on my bedroom light and - another? the same? - cockroach ran between my legs and under my bed.

I remind my readers that bugs do not, as a general rule, bother me all that much. But cockroaches do not belong in my indoor quarters. Especially not indoor quarters which I've cleaned top to bottom at least once, and in some parts twice or more, in the last ten days. (Though I've been advised that the men's suite which shares a wall with mine is not so clean as mine - and there's a door between the two suites which is only blocked up enough to keep humans from passing between.)

I, myself, am unsettled. Unsettled and thoroughly displeased.

But the worst part is that tomorrow I get one new suitemate and Sunday I get another. They're new to Seabury altogether, and while I don't know that the roach(es) have made it to the other side of the suite, I suspect it won't be long, at least. It is thoroughly unfair and inhospitable to subject new residents to roaches.

So tomorrow, although it is Saturday, I will make some phone calls and arrange for someone to do something about the situation.

Perhaps it's a good thing that this happened the night before I have to get up at 5 anyway. It's not like I was planning on sleeping in....

Confessions of a Teenage Lizard

Oh. My. Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen? So bad. So incredibly hilarious. You can read the liveblogged version over at Pastor V's. As he says, the movie has true contemporary resonance.

Not quite the same sort of resonance as Godzilla, though. He's from France. You know how the French are. Very resonant.

This might or might not have made more sense if I'd blogged it live. Next time we'll try to liveblog in sync. Or something.

(Ok, I've had too much pizza and ice cream and laughter, and I'm a little loopy. But it's a happy loopy.)

Nooooo!

Indigo Girls tour dates in cities where I might possibly be:

Cleveland, Oct 22* - This is a Sunday. I suppose it wouldn't be impossible - but see below.

St Louis, Oct 26 - Well, Oct 27-28 are my diocesan convention, and seniors are required to go. So I'll be heading to Cleveland that day.

Chicago, Oct 27, 28 - See above.

I. Am. Not. Happy.

*I've actually danced several times on the stage where they're playing this concert. That would be cooler if I could, you know, GO.

We interrupt this orientation obsession...

My preaching professor just pointed me to this comic strip from Sunday. Said it reminded him of me.

Fairy Land!

A mini fairy land came today in my mail from two of my favorite people. It has a pink carraige, and two pink thrones with heart backs, and a horse and a pegasus and a swan and two doves, and a prince and princess and a fairy prince and fairy princess, and a magic mirror. The fairies have a little trouble standing up, but they're fairies. The largest piece is the carraige, which is about as long as my thumb (and my thumb isn't all that big).

It's all very fun. Thanks, guys!

Channels!

I am, of course, watching the Ohio State - Texas game right now. That's not amazing. What's amazing is that I'm watching it in MY OWN SUITE. Yes - I broke down about 6:30 and went to Target to buy the best TV antenna they could sell me. Granted, when my parents' reception looks like this, they call the TV guys to have it fixed, but for my brick penthouse, a little snow ain't bad. I can sit on my own couch and eat guacamole and drink wine in my own space, and even blog in front of the game, because I have channels now!

In case anyone had forgotten, or somehow missed it

Mary Louise Parker is gorgeous.

Just fyi.

My Autobiography (meme)

Ok, I wasn't going to do this because it's long, but since no one is in the offices to do business with, and I saw it on two blogs in a row on my RSS, I am. But, I think I should state that I think "My autobiography" is a dumb meme title.

Fill this out in your own words and repost as, "My autobiography."

1.Where did you take or get your profile picture?
Don't have one.

2.What exactly are you wearing right now?
My usual dark brown leather sandals, short denim skirt, deep purple strappy tank, white eyelet short-sleeve blouse (unbuttoned). (I should probably qualify that - in my world "short skirt" means "above the knee but decidedly longer than it is wide")

3.What is your current problem?
Hmm. Well, we're a little behind on some of the details for new student orientation. I guess that's what happens when none of the tri-chairs are really on campus much of the summer.

4.What makes you most happy?
Spending time with really good friends

5.What's the name of the song that you're listening to?
Do You Hear What I Hear? - because it still plays in my head whenever I hear a siren, such as the one passing us now.

6.Has anyone you've been really close with passed away?
Yes

7.Do you ever watch MTV?
Ever? I have watched it, yes, but never on a regular basis and not in a long time.

8.What's something that really annoys you?
Cockroaches in a newly cleaned apartment.

Chapter 1:All About You

1.Middle name:
Amy (And yes, if my brother had been a girl, he'd have been Meg)

2.Nickname(s):
Besides Beth? Spud, primarily, or diminutives thereof. But also Yoda, Bo, Chameleon, Opal, and probably a few others at times. (Yeah, I grew up at Girl Scout camp.)

3.Current location:
The far, far right edge of the futon in my common room

4.Eye color:
Blue

Chapter 2:Family

1.Do you live with your parents:
No

2.Do you get along with your parent(s):
Yes

3.Are your parents married/separated/divorced
Married

4.Do you have any Siblings?:
1 little brother

Chapter 3: favorite...

1. Ice Cream:
Um. Hmm. Favorite. You mean just one? Well, I like mint chocolate chip a lot. And cookies and cream. And peppermint stick. And Phish Food. And Dove Irresistably Raspberry. And...

2.Season:
I don't have a favorite season so much as I really, really like the beginning of each season. So, right now my favorite season is fall, but really I like the novelty of it.

3.Shampoo/conditioner:
At the moment, Suave Daily Clarifying Shampoo and Dove something moisturizing conditioner. But I switch around, mostly between those brands. They're cheap.

Chapter 4: Do You..

1.Dance in the shower:
Clearly you've never seen my shower. I can barely shower in my shower.

2.Write on your hand:
Well, I try to avoid it. But eventually, if I keep forgetting a thing, I usually will.

3.Call people back:
Yes. But occasionally it takes me a ridiculously long time.

4.Believe in love:
Well, yeah.

5.Sleep on a certain side of the bed
Yeah, the top side, generally. (No, really, when I'm in a double bed I generally sleep on the right side.

6. Any bad habits:
Yes.

7. Any mental health issues?
Nothing diagnosed.

Chapter 5: Have You...

1.Broken a bone:
No

2.Sprained stuff:
That's an interesting question. I've never been treated for a sprain, but five years ago I fell on my thumb while taping a circle on the floor, and it got puffy and purple and took a really long time to heal and still doesn't look quite the same as the other one. So, maybe.

3.Had physical therapy?:
Nay

4.Gotten stitches:
Nein

5.Taken Pain killers?
Yes

6.Gone SCUBA diving or snorkeling:
No

7.Been stung by a bee:
Yes

8.Thrown up at the dentist:
No

9.Sworn in front of your parents:
Yes

10.Had detention:
That's another interesting question. I don't remember ever being in detention, though I seem to remember my whole class being assigned detention once or twice. Possibly I just got out of those. NO. WAIT. I do remember one detention - several friends of mine were making "candy carrots" (carrots with other lunch foods/drinks mixed in) at lunch one day in third grade, at the table where I was sitting (not actually participating). The lunch lady decided we all needed to sit at the detention table for a few days for playing with food, because no one would take the blame for it. I was the only one whose mother didn't call the principal and insist that her darling daughter couldn't possibly sit at the detention table - so while my friends were back making more candy carrots the next two days, I was sitting at the detention table alone.

11.Been sent to the principal's office:
No. This one I'm sure about.

12.Been called a ho?
See Chapter 2, answer 4, about having a little brother.

Chapter 6: Who/What was the last

1.Movie(s):
I assume you mean the last one I myself saw, which would be Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind. Or maybe Fellowship of the Ring. I don't remember in which order I watched them.

2.Person to text you:
Hmm. No one texts me now, but we used to text all the time in Germany. So, one of the other Smithies I went to Germany with, I guess - probably Jessica.

3.Person you called:
Lauren

4.Person you hugged:
Milner, at the peace this morning.

5.Person you tackled?
Um. I can't say for sure, because I can't remember the last time I tackled someone. But I'd say my little brother is probably a good guess.

6.Thing you touched:
Ok, this is a ridiculous question. This is a MEME. I am touching my keyboard. Right. Now.

7.Thing you ate:
Hmm. Either a piece of popcorn or a Gobstopper.

8.Thing you drank:
Water

9.Thing you said:
Bye

10.Friend you miss the most that has moved:
HopeandAndrew

Survey says...

Your Fashion Style is Girly

You dress to look beautiful and show off what you've got Dresses, skirts, heels... whatever it takes to turn heads You love feeling like a girl in any setting Even your workout clothes are cute and feminine!

What's Your Fashion Style?

Of course, I was also remarkably close to this:

Your Fashion Style is Sporty

You're a natural beauty who doesn't need fancy clothes to look good You prefer your clothes to be comfortable, so you can stay on the go For you, femininity is not how you wear - but how you wear it. Still, don't be afraid to show off that great body in a dress or skirt!

What's Your Fashion Style?

Or this:

Your Fashion Style is Classic

You like what's stood the test of time... Simple, well styled clothes that don't scream trendy You stay updated and modern, but your clothes stay in style for a while You wouldn't be caught in animal prints, fake fur, or super bright colors

What's Your Fashion Style?

But they didn't tell me what kind of party I was dressing for, so I didn't know which outfit to pick. Personally, I suspect I'm more the last one - out of sheer fashion laziness.

Delightful

After Hebrew class this morning, I met up with Pippa for the day. Those of you who know Pippa will not be surprised that it was a delightful day, but somehow it was even more delightful than expected. Perhaps I've just been away awhile. At any rate, we packed a picnic lunch - hummus sandwiches, fresh guacamole, chips, carrots, and a bit of pomegranate - and took it out the the Botanic Garden. After lunch we walked the gardens, which are considerably more spectacular in September than in March, came back, and played a game of Mille Borne. After doing our afternoon chores, we made dinner - microwave gourmet: spaghetti and salad - then played a few games of Sequence, then went for gelato. Then we watched Belles on Their Toes, complete with commentary (we'd both seen it before), and played a few games of Uno. Things got a bit exciting in the middle of the movie when Pippa asked "What's that?" and I followed her gaze to a cockroach crawling across the common room floor. I don't mind a few bugs, but I do mind cockroaches in my living quarters (as I've mentioned). Since I just got back in town and spent the last two days cleaning, I fail to see how this can in any way be my own fault. Tomorrow, a work order. Anyway, I'm unusually exhausted for 10 pm (of course, I've also been waking up before my alarm recently), but very satisfied. It was a fun day.

In more mundane news...

(Ok, the last post was pretty mundane too. Whatever.)

I have spent two days unpacking, cleaning, etc. My space is now not only livable but ready for guests. This is lucky, since I have one coming for at least the day and possibly the night tomorrow, and she tends more toward the neat side than I do. There are still a few things scattered about - I haven't yet taken my vestments to be laundered, for instance, so they're over the back of the futon. But it looks like a place someone lives, rather than a place someone stores things. Also, the floors are clean. That's more of a rare treat for me than it ought to be, but there you are.

In the midst of all this, I have also managed to have two meals with friends, do a bit of cooking, eat healthy raw foods (like the yummy salad I had for first lunch today), watch two movies and ten episodes of West Wing, and do my Hebrew homework. The Hebrew homework is a strange sort of challenge, in that the assignment itself isn't tough - we're to greet each other and at least two professors in Hebrew between classe sessions, as well as practicing a particular setting of the Hamotzi. The tough thing is that I and the other Seabury students aren't actually in class yet except for Hebrew - so I barely see him, and have not seen professors at all. My solution? I have been greeting my computer in Hebrew when talking with a professor online. (We're also not supposed to write any form of Hebrew yet.)

So, by special request for those of you who complained that reading my blog didn't tell you what I did all summer, that's what I've done the last two days.

Giggle

So, today I received a lovely note from my summer rector.

In an envelope addressed:

The Getting Close to Reverend Beth

It made me giggle.

Back

I've returned safely to Evanston, and have convinced my wireless to work again. I'm grateful to have returned to a suite that wasn't covered in an inch of dust, and to keys in my mailbox, and to friends who helped move my things in from the car. I've also started Hebrew class, and am hard at unpacking and cleaning and grocery shopping and other tasks of moving back in.

It's been noted that my entries this summer didn't tell much about what I'd actually been doing. I'll try to remedy that now that I'm back without the distraction of family.

Popping in

I made it through my grandmother's birthday celebration, triple preaching this morning, and the family at our house this afternoon. (Turns out that when my brother and his fiancee leave, I become the coolest playmate available for my cousin's kids, who are 8 and 5.)

There's still a bit of family here, but it's time for me to finish packing my bags and start packing the car now. Tomorrow, Evanston!

Friday Five: Life in the Fast Lane

(Obviously, I'm making a lot of progress on that sermon.)

1. Driving: an enjoyable way to clear the mind? a means to an end? a chance to be quiet with one's thoughts? a necessary evil? the downfall of our planet and its fossil fuels? Discuss. Usually, a means to an end. I enjoy it, most of the time, but I don't usually drive to clear the mind - especially since I believe that driving is best undertaken while the mind is already pretty clear.

2. Do you drive the speed limit? A little faster? Slower? Have you ever gotten a ticket? I tend to drive a little faster than the speed limit - by which I mean, mostly I drive about 5 miles faster and occasionally I drive a fair bit faster.

3. Do you take public transportation? When? What's your opinion of the experience? When it seems reasonable. When I'm in Chicago, I usually take public instead of driving if at all feasible, though I don't mind if someone else drives. When I'm in Cleveland, it's almost never reasonable - there's not much of it, and the nearest park-and-ride is fifteen minutes away in the opposite direction from the city, so taking the rapid to ball games isn't really a strong option for us.

4. Complete this sentence: _____________ has the worst drivers I've ever experienced. St. Louis, no question. Especially in the parking lots of grocery stores (especially the Schnuck's in Richmond Heights).

5. According to the Census Bureau, reverendmother's fair city has the 6th longest average commute in the United States at 29 minutes each way. How does your personal commute rate? Well, at the moment, my commute is pretty short - from my bedroom to my kitchen table it takes me about 20-25 seconds. My commute this summer to work was about 20-25 minutes each way (exactly average for my city, the 31st in the nation at 23.5 minutes). My commute at school is somewhere in between - about two and a half minutes from my third floor suite to the second floor classrooms or the first floor chapel.

Bonus for the brutally honest: It has been said, and the MythBusters have confirmed, that cell phones can impede driving ability almost as much as drinking. Do you talk on a cell phone while driving? Rarely. I do it more in Cleveland than in Chicago, because my parents' house has bad reception, but I think I've still only done it once all summer. I do answer the phone while driving unless it's immediately stupid to do so, but I usually talk just long enough to know there's no emergency and then say "I'm driving. Good-bye."

Reason #13, 497 Why I Am Not Cut Out For A Rector

I love preaching (yeah, I know), but sermon writing/prep makes me absolutely batty and desperate. Ok, let me qualify that. Trying to craft sermons longer than about six minutes makes me absolutely batty and desperate. Crafting 3-7 minute sermons is still kind of fun, even a couple of weeks in a row. Still, I'm glad to be looking in a direction that's less likely to include someone expecting me to preach 10-15 minutes every week for thirty years running.

Also

Does anyone know why about every other time I open Mozilla (where my home page is Blogger Home) it says the document has no data, and the other times it works fine? It's been happening for, oh, three days now?

P.S.

Smith College lets alumnae change their address online, with a link on the front page of its alumnae section. I'm just sayin'.

How to change your billing address in the technology age

11:15: Log on to (Visa, MasterCard, etc) website
11:18: Figure out that you need to go to sponsoring bank's website
11:19: Log on to bank site
11:22: Discover that you can't do it online, or at least can't figure out how to right now
11:23: Call number on back of card
11:25: Finally get to main menu
11:26: Discover that "for address" means "if you want ours"
11:27: Return to main menu
11:28: Press 0 to speak with a representative
11:29: Begin blogging about changing billing address
11:32: Speak with customer service representative
11:33: Convince her that you really do want to change billing address
11:35: Establish new billing address
11:37: Finish rejecting other associated offers
11:38: Post

Time to go

There are things I like to do with people, and there are things I like to do alone. Sermon writing and packing are things I do best when left to my own devices. Unfortunately, they also seem to be things about which my parents want to advise me. I do not blame my parents for the fact that I'm unhappy with several parts of tomorrow's sermon. It is not at all their fault that I seem to be in a rut right now (not a preaching-the-same-thing-every-week one, but the kind where I seem to be utterly unable to fix the mistakes that I know are there). It's also not an invitation for them to explain to me what I should do about it (especially since neither of them has ever actually DONE it. Come to think of it, I'm not sure the last time either of them wrote anything other than an email or a memo.)

It's time for me to get back to Evanston - unfortunately, I've got another week, in which I still have to pack all my stuff, fix this sermon as best I can, write another one for next Sunday, and spend a lot of family time.

Then Again, Maybe I Won't

I was going to write you a beautiful poem...

I mean, I was going to write you all a real, actual post. Then my mother called and asked me to come help reorganize her new library (she's recently become the high school librarian). And you know how I feel about organizing books....

Very Model of a Modern Minor Generalist

So, I was just listening to my iTunes, which includes a couple of uploaded albums from my flirting-with-fundamentalism period - and by "couple" I might actually just mean "one," Steven Curtis Chapman's Heaven in the Real World album.* I'm not sure there are any others in there. Anyway, "Dancing with the Dinosaur" came up, and it occurred to me that the lyrics to that particular song read somewhat like a modernist Christian anthem. It starts out:

Once upon a time not so long ago in a land not so far away
Right and wrong were not quite so hard to know
And black and white were not so gray

Then there's the bridge:

Right is right and wrong is wrong just like it has been along
We cannot sit by and see conscience become history
So come on, get up and dance
Dance this dance with me
(Gonna keep on dancing, gonna keep on dancing with the dinosaur
Gonna keep on dancing, gonna keep on dancing with the dinosaur)

I've been reading about postmodernism, theology, and Scripture the last couple of weeks, and continuing to discover how many of my long-standing (read: since before memory) habits and tendencies fall under that umbrella. Suddenly, I'm a little clearer on why parts of that song never quite sat well with me. (Yeah, I never really made a very good fundamentalist. I dropped it about as soon as I figured out that "serious Christian" didn't have to equate to "fundamentalist." Which, really, didn't take that long.) It might be interesting to spend a little more time thinking about the ways this particular song, artist, and/or genre are or are not thoroughly intertwined with/dependent on modernism. (For instance, he seems to assume that before the "tolerance movement" everyone (at least in the Church) saw things as black and white all the time, whereas I think Augustine's work on grace and free will pretty well shoots that down all by itself.) I wouldn't be surprised, really, to learn that someone's already doing/done this with the genre, but this song seems particularly useful for that kind of investigation.

While I'm at it

While I'm here and book posting, this one came from the Little Professor: Which authors dominate your shelves? (Domination = five or more books)

This is from memory, since most of my books are at school, but here's a guess: Louisa May Alcott, Madeleine L'Engle, Maud Hart Lovelace, L.M. Montgomery, J.K. Rowling, Valerie Tripp, Shakespeare, Ann M. Martin, Toni Morrison, Laura Ingalls Wilder, Irving Stone... ok, I'm not sure I can think of any from my shelves at school that I have in such volume, except L'Engle. (I do not count either General Convention or the Standing Committee on Liturgy and Music as an author.) These are all from home.

I'll keep thinking, but now it's time for shower and bed.

If Ryan's posting, I am too.

(For clarity's sake, I mean this Ryan.)


1. One book that changed your life:
Madeleine L'Engle, A Swiftly Tilting Planet

2. One book that you’ve read more than once:
Louisa May Alcott, Little Women is the first one that came to mind.

3. One book you’d want on a desert island:
The Bible (Since that's not a terribly interesting answer in these circles, if I could have two I'd also want Little Women.)

4. One book that made you laugh:
Jon Stewart (&co.), America (the book)

5. One book that made you cry:
Nicholas Wolsterstorff, Lament for a Son - five lines in, and all the way through

6. One book that you wish had been written:
Rumor has it that, before she left the public eye, Madeleine L'Engle was working on a novel about Meg Murry after her kids have left home....

7. One book that you wish you had never read:
Alas, Babylon. That's 90 minutes of my life I'll never get back.

8. One book you’re currently reading:
Stephen Fowl, Engaging Scripture

9. One book you’ve been meaning to read:
Augustine's Confessions

Spud! camp! yay!

YAY!!! I just got off the phone, and the universe seems to like me today. After 30 minutes on two different phone calls, it works out that:

~I'm supposed to be at day camp on Tues on a day off.
~Core Camp needs someone tomorrow.
~I'm off tomorrow.
~Parishioner died today, which was expected. (93 years old, had major stroke on Sunday.)
~The funeral is not until Monday.
~Our on-call/supply/future part-time priest and parish administrator are doing all the prep work, which is minimal.

Ergo: I still get to do both camp gigs, without interfering in the slightest with my pastoral responsibilities. YAY!!!! I'm going to my camps! Both of them! Soon!

Also, on my way out to core camp tonight, I'm stopping to have dinner with a camp friend and meet her daughter, who she adopted right after I started seminary.

Hrmph

Kristian - if you happen to read this, my parents' house has terrible phone reception, especially during the summer storms we've been getting, and I've lost your email address. Sorry - hope to connect soon!

Maybe not all the way there...

I've been feeling much more like my parents' house is home than I have in several years. This makes sense, really - it's been a while since I've lived here consistently. Today, though, I was reminded that we're not really all the way there yet.

I had to look up directions to a house within walking distance of my parents' house, only a few houses away from the house where my grammar school best friend lived. I have been back and forth between her house and mine countless times, even on my own. I just haven't done it in over ten years.

Amazing what being home can do to a girl...

I'm sitting at the kitchen table watching A Philadelphia Story and buffing my nails. I've never in my life buffed my nails before, but I've been reading my childhood novels lately, from a time and place where nail polish wasn't yet socially acceptable, and I've been inspired to buff my nails. It's astounding, really, what a difference mere buffing makes. I may not even get around to paint them at all, they're so pretty just filed and buffed.

I do like Keira Knightley...

Which Pirates of the Caribbean character are you?

Aberration

Ok, season 6 of West Wing does in fact bite, and the Canadian invasion thing is a little forced, but overall, "A Good Day" is really a decent episode. It's nice to have a breath of fresh writing in the middle of the season.

(Yeah, I know I'm a little behind. Don't anyone tell me anything about the rest of the series - if Susie can keep from telling me about it, you can too.)

Hi there!

I expect to be around here a bit more now - my parents now have working wireless! My mother recently bought a new laptop for her new work, and she needed to be able to access the internet, but didn't want to leave my dad without internet at home, so they got wireless. The computer guys have finally, after a week or so, figured out how to hook the old one up to dsl and the new one up to wireless on the same system. (Turns out, hooking in my iBook, not so difficult.) So, I can now blog and especially read blogs much more easily. (Yay for having my RSS feed back!) I can't guarantee I'll have much to say, as usual, but I can say it now.

Link

Those who follow debates over interpretations of Scripture, particularly in the current Anglican climate, may find this Sermon on the Current Dispute Over Turning Off Cellphones in the British Library Reading Rooms more amusing than those who don't follow such debates, but it's worth reading either way.

For my part, I've already read it, so I'm heading back to Rory and Ryan and Kate's house to shower and iron and warble in preparation for Hope and Andrew's ordination to the priesthood tonight.

Oops

No, I'm not traumatized by the PB election, nor anything of the sort. I've just been crazy busy for the last week. I'm trying to put in a little extra time right now because I'll be out of the office Weds-Sat this week, plus I have to get ready for the ordinations and wedding themselves. Also, living with my parents, while wonderful, takes up more time than living by myself. We've been to a ball game, driven out to my cousin's engagement party (finally - they've been dating for six years), hosted my brother's financial advising welcome event, etc. So when I have had a couple of minutes, they've mostly been devoted to laundry, ironing, cooking, or sleeping.

As to my last post - I'd been highly concerned about how Bishop Jefferts Schori had gotten elected, based on things I'd heard from various sources around Convention the previous couple of days. In the days since, it's become pretty clear to me that the bishops responded to her capacity, leadership, maturity, and clear-headedness rather than pushing for a particular agenda (either right or left), though it's entirely possible that was an element also. I'm still slightly concerned about international ramifications, but mostly I'm just very pleased at their choice.

Not now

I'm entirely too conflicted to comment on the election of Jefferts Schiori as Presiding Bishop right now. I'll try to work something out here later.

For the record

I object to having to get up before 7 more than once in the same week. Really, I'd just as soon be able to sleep until 8 every day and 9 or 10 once every couple of weeks, but I accept that 8:00 services don't really allow that schedule. I just don't think I should have to do it on other days besides Sunday.

I danced!

Tonight, I went back to my old studio and braved the advanced class at my old dance studio. I'm relieved to report that my body still remembers a lot. Mentally, I can still keep up, and physically I'm not even doing all that badly. Am I out of shape? Yes. I'm a little slower, considerably less flexible, and significantly rounder than I was when I stopped dancing. (Although, skinny seems to have gone out of vogue in that studio - I was by no means unusually large for that class, which was both nice and odd.) But my turnout is still as good as my bone structure will allow, I can still pick up combinations about as well as most of the girls (even if it's because I'm paying better attention), and it didn't hurt too much. (I kept going back and forth during barre between wanting to push myself and wanting not to injure myself. Then I pushed my leg a little too high during an arabesque and decided to go for not injuring myself. Hey, I never said I liked being out of shape....) Sadly, the only plain technique class this summer is Tuesdays at 4:15, which is a little tough with work, but I'm told I can come learn choreography for the fall performance and stand in for missing dancers, and there's an adult beginners class, so I should be able to take some classes, anyway. I'm pretty excited about it (can you tell?).

The short version

is that the job is going very well. I've written one newsletter article and started a second, both of which are due Thursday; made two hospital visits; helped with a community meal that the church runs; read book one of Bede's Ecclesiastical History; made a couple of phone calls to parishioners; explained the magic of converting clergy shirts to the office staff; and been to a staff meeting, two liturgies, and a youth pool party. Oh, and my rector is off at General Convention and won't be back until Thursday, so I've been learning the ropes on my own, which has been sort of fun.

Meme

We haven't had a meme here this month... so here's one from Badgering.

5 Items in my Fridge:

1. Hummus
2. Leftover pierogies and peas
3. Leftover peas with no pierogies
4. Lots of yogurt
5. Sam Adams Summertime

5 Items in my Closet:

1. Fun new brown striped summer work pants
2. New turquoise sleeveless blouse with covered buttons that will be a clergy shirt when it grows up
3. New polka-dotted two piece dress outfit (yeah, ok, it looks better than it sounds)
4. New turquoise linen jacket (yay!)
5. New eyelet short-sleeved blouses

5 Items in my Car:

1. Road atlas
2. Box of books to read at work
3. Prayer book/hymnal
4. Collars and electrical tape, for hospital visits
5. Broken hanger pieces (from Thanksgiving still)

5 Items in my Purse:

1. Wallet
2. Sunglasses
3. Burt's Bees Champagne Lip Shimmer
4. Phone
5. Rosary

5 Items on my Desk: I am the Incredible Movable Intern With No Real Desk right now, but on my desk in my room at home I have:

1. Old magazines
2. Sophomore yearbook from high school, because I was looking someone up last time I was home and my parents have decided to store my yearbooks on a high shelf where I can't put it away
3. Orientation CD
4. Diocesan aid form
5. The picture of Yoda that Emily ripped out of her high school ethics textbook for me

5 Items Flowering in my Garden:
1. Little spiky white things
2. Slightly bigger, slightly less spiky, two-toned pink things
3. Little pink things
4. Peonies
5. Roses

In Which Yodabeth Discovers "Summer Clothing"

Growing up, clothing divided into three categories: church/dressy, school, and play. As an adult, that's become: church/dressy, school, and camp. Indeed, church/dressy includes a remarkably well filled out professional wardrobe for someone who's 25 and only ever worked campus ministry and camp jobs. As far as I'm concerned, professional clothing involves blouses, gray/black/chocolate pants (often wool or lined or both), long dark skirts, suits, etc. You have clothes for the academic year, and you have clothes for the camp season. And when you work in a hospital instead of a camp for a summer, you wear the former, because it's a professional (and highly air-conditioned) environment.

Today I discovered that not all clothing falls into the binary division of "fall/winter" or "camp". Today, I sat (figuratively) at my mother's knee and learned of a thing called "summer clothing." Today, my parents and I went to the outlets, where I acquired things like sleeveless and short-sleeved blouses, knee length skirts with bright colors, and ankle-length pants (some of which are pale). Today, my mother and Jane came very close to convincing me that a long black linen skirt with a nice top (not a blouse!) will be an entirely professional outfit for my first day at my internship parish tomorrow. I still have my suspicions, but since I am not yet permitted to retreat into clericals, I will wear this outfit, and I will act professional enough that there will be no doubt as to whether I ought to be working there. (Admittedly, the action/speech part is the more important part of the professionalism equation even in indubitably professional clothing.) I am informed that in the 21st century, a suit on a summer Sunday, or even a more formal blouse, will be overdoing it, even for an intern on her first Sunday at the church.

I am now trying to accustom myself to this new reality. My camp wardrobe is in a camping pack in the basement. My winter clothes are (mostly) in Evanston. Instead of either, the closet contains things suitable for summer work wear. (Ok, so it also has most of my blouses and a lot of my winter pants. I change slowly.)

Tune in tomorrow night to find out what happens when I show up in the aforementioned suit-free outfit!

Arrived

I've made it back to the Cleveland area, gone to my father's retirement party, and am now settling in at my parents' house.

Say hey hey...

While cleaning and packing today, I found the disk of 2004 camp pictures and loaded them onto my computer. I just took a few minutes to look at them again, and I'd forgotten just how much fun that summer was. Yes, the summer had its disasters and its crazy-making parts - for instance, camp pictures should by all rights exclude scenes of me sitting at my computer working in the office. But 2004, especially for Core Camp, we had the best camp staff I've ever ever worked with, and there was no way it was not going to be fun. You could make a lot of camp brochures with happy and capable-looking staff out of the pictures from that summer. I know I'm doing what I need to do for this summer, but I suspect it won't include hysterical scenes of the staff trying to relearn handstands or make marshmallow taffy with our hands or form a crew of Cereal Pirates. I miss my traveling circus!!!

Green trees around us
Blue skies above
Friends all around us
In a world filled with love
Taps sounding softly
Hearts beating true
As we all say
Goodnight to you....

Popping in...

No, I'm not still stuck in the paper. Yes, I finished it. Yes, I have my doubts about it, but I'm not enumerating them here where my professor can read my doubts before my paper. Yes, we've finished both classes and graduation. I've also done three parties, one Official Trustee Dinner, and an ordination; tomorrow I'll go to an installation, Monday a curriculum meeting and lunch, Tuesday a lunch meeting about my field ed, games with Pippa, and Tuesday night dinner... etc. I leave for Cleveland-y parts on Friday, then Saturday I go shopping for summer clothes that aren't camp-appropriate, and Sunday I start my internship - which is an 11-week parish gig.

So while I think I'll be around more starting tomorrow (heck, I haven't even read blogs since Wednesday, I don't think) - if I'm not, you'll know why.

crap.

I've been plugging right along on my Matthew paper, and was feeling encouraged that this was really going to happen in the time remaining before the due date without too much blood and tears. But now I'm stuck. Stuck, stuck, stuck. I'm about a quarter of the way down page 12 of what I think will be 17 pages, and I'm stuck. I've got an outline that tells me what I'm supposed to talk about, but suddenly none of it makes sense to me anymore. I have nothing to say. Where did all my thoughts go??? When I left at 5:30, I was totally into the paper. Now, nothing. Grr.

Hot, hot, hot

This won't be news to anyone who reads the paper or watches TV news, or who lives up this way, but it's HOT. 92 degrees Fahrenheit (at 7:30 pm!) is not exactly paper-writing weather. It's not exactly what I think of as May weather, either. Have I mentioned that I'm really excited to be living in air-conditioning this summer? I've still got my windows shut in the common room, because I'm pretty sure it's actually still hotter outside than in here, but it's not what I'd call comfortable either. I think this is a good time to run down to the library and find that footnote I'm missing.

Status messages

Middler student: "five more days of torture"

Senior student: "1 blessed week until graduation!"


Ah, perspective....

Except not really...

Ok, I really am about to go finish a paper, but I was just looking at Commencement pictures on Smith's website (trying originally to find a picture of Davis Center to link to), and I had to share. There is a picture of the '81 alums in the Ivy Day parade that shows one holding a sign on which is printed "'81: When the greatest risk of sex was pregnancy."

Um. Wow. Ok. I know this is a women's college, and there are fewer occurrences of STDs on women's college campuses than on coed campuses, partly because lesbian sex tends to be a little safer as far as diseases go - but is she serious? Just because you thought the greatest risk was pregnancy doesn't mean it was true, woman - STDs have been around for years and years and years - and especially now that we know way more about sex, disease, and the early 80s than anyone did then, why on earth would you make such a claim?

I think I'm glad the picture doesn't show the face of the woman holding that sign. Ugh.

Long time passing...

I've been away a few days, and I'll probably be away a few more. It's that time of the term, and finishing off the Awards Night service last night really only means it's time to buckle down hard* and finish off the last couple of papers (which unfortunately are more sizeable than most papers here). I've just scheduled out every hour between now and Wednesday morning, and blogging doesn't make an appearance.**

*What Seabury needs is Davis Center. That is, not really, because I'm probably much healthier for not having easy access to Davis french fries and Seattle's Best Coffee, but in an ideal world. (And yes, I know that Smith no longer has Davis either, which is a travesty, and that NU's Norris Center is not that far away, but Norris doesn't have quite the charm that Davis Center had, not being located in a big yellow 19th century New England house with a ballroom upstairs.)

**Well, every hour between 8:30 this morning and next Wednesday - I refuse to count the next two hours as real time, since by all rights I ought to be asleep. I am, however, about to go see what I can magically accomplish in that time on no sleep.

Books! More of them!

I'll post my own thoughts in response to this later, but for now here's an interesting link to a post about the question "What's the best work of American fiction in the last 25 years?"

Cabbages and Kings

Center of Gravitas has an excellent post today about misogyny, from the recent Burger King ad to disgusting behavior by a local classroom king. It's worth a read.

(By the way, does anyone else find it odd that the fast food chain airing that ad is also the only one with a decent veggie burger?)

Go. Now.

Many of you will already have seen this link on AKMA's blog, but if you haven't, go now and read Holyoffice's Very Short Guide to Christianity. Don't miss the christology addendum in the comments. (2005 GOE takers will be pleased to note that he begins by defining premillenialism.)

Mothers and fathers...

So, I've got mixed feelings about Mother's Day, for a lot of the usual reasons - I love my mother and my grandmothers and like having a day to celebrate them, but I know any number of people for whom it's a day to miss their mothers or to wish they had different relationships with their mothers, or who can't have children, or who are raising them under problematic circumstances, or children who never had a mother to begin with, or, or.... This is especially true as I get further into adulthood and have to ponder the chances of ever being a mother myself.

Still, I like Mother's Day and Father's Day as long as I don't think too hard about it. If I didn't have two significant papers looming, I'd be working on a project that's in the back of my head - an art piece using images from my family's history - both sides, pieces we'd rather not think about (plantations, for instance), pieces we're proud of (signing the Declaration, Lucretia Coffin Mott, etc). If I could pull it off well, it would make a good mother's/father's day gift to my parents. I might try my hand at it this summer when I'm home, even though it will be badly timed for a gift.

Instead - well, I was going to offer a Mother's Day song. But I can't find the lyrics anywhere and I don't myself own the recording (my mother does). So, um, happy Mother's Day, everyone.

Alleluia

So, I passed the one-year mark of good health a month ago, and didn't really think much of it. Too busy, I guess, plus good physical health has been something I've mostly taken for granted throughout my life.

Tonight, though, I realized something else about the last year - that I've only experienced one or two flashbacks all year, and that the ones I have had have been pretty minor and I've coped with them in really healthy ways - writing, researching, talking, drawing, etc. And I realized that I don't even feel guilty about it, because it's not because I've really thought any less about Emily. I guess I've just felt safe enough this year to process not only the event, but the associated grief. I've been able to do things this year that I imagine more successful therapy experiences might have helped me to do before.

So tonight, I'm thankful - and I'm celebrating a little. I'm celebrating the fact that I'm starting to be able to remember Emily with less pain and guilt. I'm celebrating the fact that I can recognize and assess more of the pain and guilt that is there. I'm celebrating the fact that I have friends who are willing to hear about both the pain and the healing. I'm celebrating the realization that there's actual healing happening here and not just repression.

Thanks be to God - alleluia, alleluia.

Summer can't be far...

Ok, I know it's 45 degrees and drizzling, and that I've still got two and a half weeks of classes left and two decent-sized papers to write. But summer can't be far, because tonight I was inspired to cook.

I like cooking all year round when I have, say, a kitchen, and people to eat the food. I live alone with a microwave and no real kitchen, though, so most of the year I tend to think "I need a quick dinner; I'll make mac and cheese, or ramen, or canned ravioli...." Tonight, though, I saw produce at the grocery store that looked edible, and thought "I need to eat dinner; I'll throw together some tomato and mozzarella and olives with herbs and oil and garlic and toss it all with some angel hair, and a tofu dog on the side." Still not gourmet, still made in the microwave, still a somewhat unusual combination of hot dog and pasta that betrays my grad-student identity. But cooking nonetheless, and it reminds me that in less than a month I'll be living in a house, a house that contains a kitchen and people willing to eat what I've cooked for dinner (most of the time - my parents balk a little at "how about brown rice and tofu tonight, guys?).

Oh, summer....

meh

It's raining. I do not want to go outside and forage for dinner. Yet, the refectory has forgotten that dinner is a meal, and should be composed of adequate amounts of edible food. Dinner tonight consists of a large amount of styrofoam and plastic wrap protecting very tiny portions of (pale-looking) watermelon and coleslaw and a chunk of cheese on an onion roll. I may return tomorrow for my overpackaged snack, but it does. not. qualify as dinner.

Harumph. Did I mention that it's raining?

No cookies!

Ok, I think I've done this before, but the cause of death is new - and funny.

Your Deadly Sins

Gluttony: 80%

Sloth: 80%

Envy: 20%

Greed: 20%

Pride: 20%

Wrath: 20%

Lust: 0%

Chance You'll Go to Hell: 34%

You'll die choking on a cookie in bed.

How Sinful Are You?

Silly

One of the perks of being a reasonably competent grad student with no teaching responsibilities is that I can giggle freely right now at student responses/comments on others' blogs. I particularly like these from jane in the academy's spring term student comments (listed under "weaknesses):

~The assignments were confusing because we had to have our own ideas in the papers. I don't have ideas. (It's a good thing you're in higher education, then. That sounds like just the right place for you.)

~If you didn't read the readings you would be lost on the assignments. (Hunh. Who'da thunk it?)

~Make sure students are aware of the work load and that work piles up if you don't plan for it. (You think? Which part of life doesn't pile up if you don't plan to take care of it?)

Yes. well. For now, I choose to giggle.

Discrepancy

weatherunderground.com says the following:

The current temperature is 67.5 degrees.
Today's high is 66 degrees.
Tomorrow's high is 56 degrees.
Tomorrow is forecast to be nearly the same temperature as today.

Someone at weatherunderground.com failed Logic 101....

Hmm.

So, I'm reading my introduction to the Oxford Movement so I can figure out how to research my paper on the Oxford Movement. This is admittedly an activity toward which I'm favorably disposed, but it seems to me that a lot of this history sounds remarkably familiar. Take the following, for instance - if I remove all the period markers from this paragraph, it sounds equally applicable to today (non-inclusive language notwithstanding):

"men who had been colleagues suddenly found that they had to choose between friends and the Church which had nurtured them. ...those who had converted felt the need to persuade others to join them. Because they knew intimately the Church..., converts were able to attack its weak points. As a result, many... felt beleaguered. This was further exacerbated by the attitude of the authorities of the Church..., which appeared... to be saying sternly to unsettled men that they should go, whilst simultaneously the [other] Church... seemed to be beckoning and welcoming."*

It's an imperfect analogy, but it rings true for me.

*Credit where credit is due: this is from Michael Chandler's book An Introduction to the Oxford Movement.

Oh, well...

The Seabury Saints lost their playoff game tonight. We got pretty soundly whupped, actually, but I guess that's what you get when you pit seminarians against Navy ROTC undergrads. I'm sad that the season is over (except for an all-Seabury game), but pleased that we made it to the playoffs at all - a first in Seabury history, I think. And we made up for it afterward with a team pizza party and fire circle, which was lots of fun.

The weekend as a whole has been a lot of fun, actually. I've gotten appallingly little done, but I really will buckle down tomorrow.

On a side note: Community Church of Wilmette has a new Senior Pastor! Yay, Tripp!

Pleased

I've had a lovely (also busy) last couple of days. I successfully preached in chapel on Thursday and received some very kind feedback on the sermon (which is posted below). I helped with a bridal shower that was a lot of fun. I scored a run (for the first time ever) in a softball game (albeit a very informal game against ourselves). I am scheduled to preach at my home parish Labor Day weekend, when a good chunk of family will be in town for my grandmother's 90th birthday. (I don't know how many will come to hear me preach, but my grandmother will be very happy that her family came to see her and her granddaughter is preaching, even if she doesn't actually hear most of the sermon, which is possible.) It's reading week, and today I am taking an Official Day Off. I'm doing lots of laundry (which I actually like doing), but otherwise I'm reading for pleasure, drinking coffee, watching movies (maybe even a baseball game tonight if I can get the TV in Junkin Common to tune it in). Tomorrow is back to work, but today is sabbath time.

Feast of St. Monnica

The Sheil Center, across the street, has a new copier. It’s a very helpful copier, from what I hear – very polite, and not at all passive-aggressive or confrontational the way copiers so often are. This one simply tells you its state and its needs, very calmly. For instance, “Please be patient. I am warming up.” Or – my favorite – “The job you have selected exceeds my capacity.” And I have an image in my head of standing at that copier, asking it to run off the lectionary readings for today, and an image coming on the screen, a digital image of Monnica, that says “My capacity exceeds the job you have selected.”

And she’d be right. Whoever put together this set of lessons selected a job for Monnica that’s pretty disconnected from the capacities for which we remember her in our calendar. We started with an Old Testament reading – all of three verses, sort of cobbled together – which tells us: Hannah weeps. Hannah asks God for a male heir. Hannah receives a male heir. That’s apparently all we need to know about Hannah. (The psalm is, well, a psalm – as well matched as most of our Lesser Feasts and Fasts psalms are. ) Then we have the Gospel reading, where Jesus tells us what childbirth is like – sort of a strange lecture to be getting from a man, and a single one at that, but ok. To hear it from these lessons, one gets the impression that there was one very important thing to know about Monnica: that her uterus was in good working order, so that she could give birth to a son.

That’s a strange sort of legacy. Certainly, there are plenty of famous men who presumably all had mothers, and most of those mothers don’t get their own feast days. Luckily, by the time the powers that be got around to writing a collect and biography, they seem to have gotten a better picture of Monnica’s life. Our collect points out her spiritual discipline, her perseverance, and her talent at sharing the Gospel. We don’t have a ton of information on her, but we know that she never gave up on bringing her son and her husband to Christ. In his Confessions, Augustine thanks God that she brought him “from her heart to life eternal.” He tells us also of her incredible discipline in her own life – how she would not gossip at all, for instance, and how she exercised such patience even with her difficult mother-in-law that the two women eventually became friends. Her capacity was great indeed.

Her capacity was great, and her example to us is great, and they far exceed the job the lessons have selected for her. But the most troubling part is not even that the picture these lessons give us is historically problematic, though it is. The most troubling part is the way that picture lends itself to being generalized. The calendar of saints is there to be generalized – to provide models of life and piety for all Christians. If Monnica’s achievements and contributions as a woman of deep prayer and absolute perseverance warrant less attention than her ability to give birth, we have sold not only her but also ourselves short. We have cheapened her example by turning her from a model for all Christians to an example of a woman’s proper place, just as we cheapen the work and the value of motherhood when we make it a woman’s only choice.

For Monnica’s sake, for the sake of all the women of the church who get painted with the same brush, and for the sake of all the baptized, we need our calendar to give us lessons that match her capacity. Perhaps we might consider the story of Abigail, who patiently negotiated what was in her husband Nabal’s best interest when he was too stubborn and boorish to do so himself. We might consider the parable of the unjust judge, who agreed to do justice for the persistent widow, who would not stop her prayers and her pleading until she received it. We might consider the story of Lydia, who also worked to bring her family to Christ. With such lessons, such stories, I could go to the Sheil Center and stand fearlessly in front of that copier, knowing that Monnica’s image would just smile at me as the copier did its work – for then her job and her capacity would be well matched, and her memory truly honored.

Alb!

Wippell has sent me an alb! A pretty one! In exactly my size! With a girdle that doesn't drag on the floor!

Now, before some killjoy decides to point it out, I am in fact aware that this bears a strong relation to the fact that I custom-ordered it and they took my measurements. But I've given people measurements before and still had things come looking like they expect me to give birth soon or to have joined the WNBA while they weren't looking.

Besides, expected or not - I now have my very own alb, in time to press/steam and wear it to preach in chapel tomorrow night (assuming I can find a closing line for the sermon itself by then). Yay alb!

New art

One of the things that occasionally happens when Pippa comes over, as she does every week, is that I end up with new art. Usually it's for one of my doors, though I have a lovely bouquet complete with butterfly in a vase on the coffee table. Today, though, I hung a new piece of art on the wall.

It's a score sheet.

We picked up a running game of Uno today, a game that shouldn't have taken more than one hand to finish, because Pippa was up 435-206 and only needed 65 points to win. Except that somehow I managed to get another 300 before she got that 65. It was remarkable. There ought to be some sort of Guinness Record for that kind of underdog recovery.

So the score sheet, which convieniently has a hole in the top, is now hanging on the wall in the blank space left when I took down another piece for a few weeks. It served during the rest of the afternoon as a sort of Icon of the Underdog, and I imagine it will stay there until the regular art comes back home - because it makes me giggle, and who can't use a giggle once in a while?

Copyright comics

Duke law professors have their first comic book, apparently - a development I thought might be of interest to some readers. I'm linking you there via BlogHer, because why wouldn't I send you through BlogHer if I could?

One more down

Not the history paper, sadly - I still have to write that one tonight. However, our preaching schedule has had to be rearranged, and so we each get to chop off a sermon. This means that I do NOT have to preach two different sermons two days in a row this week. Once I finish the history paper tonight, I can devote nearly all my energies to prepping Thursday's sermon - which is good, because it needs some work before I dare preach it in chapel. Then I don't have to preach again until May 19.

yip!

I've finished and sent off my final paper for my Galatians class, and have even received notice of its receipt. This means my Galatians class is now DONE. I also have a Matthew reflection and a sample evensong ordo to turn in tomorrow, which means all of tomorrow's work is finit, fine, beendet.

It's only a yip, and not a yippee, because I still have a paper due Tuesday (for which I've yet to read, though I've started at least), a sermon to fix up for chapel Thursday, and a sermon to create from scratch for class on Friday. Still, I'm relieved to be as far along as I am.

And tomorrow, I will get to do something I haven't done in a couple of months now - sleep until 8 on a Monday morning. Then I'll go to Monday morning meetings and mass, which I haven't done since fall term. And then I'll go to the refectory, and eat lunch there like a normal person (well, ok, a normal seminarian), and go to class without a to-go box.

So maybe that's a yipp....

Books! By women!

I started this meme almost a month ago, but it's long, so it's taken me a while to finish. But finishing it made for a good dinner break activity tonight between drafting and editing.

Instructions: Bold the ones you've read (except bolding things doesn't really work here, so I'm going to cap them). Italicize the ones you have wanted/might like to read. ??Place question marks by any titles/authors you've never heard of?? Put an asterisk if you've read something else by the same author.
*ALCOTT, LOUISA MAY - LITTLE WOMEN
*Allende, Isabel–The House of Spirits
* Angelou, Maya–I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings
Atwood, Margaret–Cat's Eye
AUSTEN, JANE - EMMA
??Bambara, Toni Cade–Salt Eaters??
??Barnes, Djuna–Nightwood??
de Beauvoir, Simone–The Second Sex
* BLUME, JUDY - ARE YOU THERE, GOD? IT'S ME, MARGARET
BURNETT, FRANCIS - THE SECRET GARDEN
Bronte, Charlotte–Jane Eyre
BRONTE, EMILY - WUTHERING HEIGHTS
Buck, Pearl S.–The Good Earth
??Byatt, A.S.–Possession??
Cather, Willa–My Antonia
CHOPIN, KATE - THE AWAKENING
*Christie, Agatha–Murder on the Orient Express
*CISNEROS, SANDRA - THE HOUSE ON MANGO STREET
Clinton, Hillary Rodham–Living History
??Cooper, Anna Julia–A Voice From the South??
??Danticat, Edwidge–Breath, Eyes, Memory??
Davis, Angela–Women, Culture, and Politics
??Desai, Anita–Clear Light of Day??
*Dickinson, Emily–Collected Poems
*DUNCAN, LOIS - I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER
DuMaurier, Daphne–Rebecca
Eliot, George–Middlemarch
??Emecheta, Buchi–Second Class Citizen??
Erdrich, Louise–Tracks
Esquivel, Laura–Like Water for Chocolate
Flagg, Fannie–Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe
Friedan, Betty–The Feminine Mystique
FRANK, ANNE - DIARY OF A YOUNG GIRL
??Gilman, Charlotte Perkins–The Yellow Wallpaper??
Gordimer, Nadine–July's People
Grafton, Sue–S is for Silence
HAMILTON, EDITH - MYTHOLOGY
Highsmith, Patricia–The Talented Mr. Ripley
*hooks, bell–Bone Black
*Hurston, Zora Neale–Dust Tracks on the Road
Jacobs, Harriet–Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl
Jackson, Helen Hunt–Ramona
??Jackson, Shirley–The Haunting of Hill House??
Jong, Erica–Fear of Flying
KEENE, CAROLYN - THE NANCY DREW MYSTERIES (ANY OF THEM) - except, aren't they actually written by more men than women?
Kidd, Sue Monk–The Secret Life of Bees
Kincaid, Jamaica–Lucy
*Kingsolver, Barbara–The Poisonwood Bible
??Kingston, Maxine Hong–The Woman Warrior ??
??Larsen, Nella–Passing??
*L'ENGLE, MADELEINE - A WRINKLE IN TIME
*Le Guin, Ursula K.–The Left Hand of Darkness
LEE, HARPER - TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD
Lessing, Doris–The Golden Notebook
??Lively, Penelope–Moon Tiger??
Lorde, Audre–The Cancer Journals
MARTIN, ANN M. - THE BABYSITTERS CLUB SERIES (ANY OF THEM) - many, many of them, in fact
??McCullers, Carson–The Member of the Wedding??
McMillan, Terry–Disappearing Acts
??Markandaya, Kamala–Nectar in a Sieve??
??Marshall, Paule–Brown Girl, Brownstones??
Mitchell, Margaret–Gone with the Wind
MONTGOMERY, LUCY MAUD - ANNE OF GREEN GABLES
??Morgan, Joan–When Chickenheads Come Home to Roost
*MORRISON, TONI - SONG OF SOLOMON
??Murasaki, Lady Shikibu–The Tale of Genji??
Munro, Alice–Lives of Girls and Women
Murdoch, Iris–Severed Head
Naylor, Gloria–Mama Day
Niffenegger, Audrey–The Time Traveller's Wife
*Oates, Joyce Carol–We Were the Mulvaneys
O'CONNOR, FLANNERY - A GOOD MAN IS HARD TO FIND
??Piercy, Marge–Woman on the Edge of Time??
Picoult, Jodi–My Sister's Keeper
Plath, Sylvia–The Bell Jar
*Porter, Katharine Anne–Ship of Fools
Proulx, E. Annie–The Shipping News
Rand, Ayn–The Fountainhead
Ray, Rachael–365: No Repeats
??Rhys, Jean–Wide Sargasso Sea??
??Robinson, Marilynne–Housekeeping??
??Rocha, Sharon–For Lac??
??Sebold, Alice–The Lovely Bones??
Shelley, Mary–Frankenstein
SMITH, BETTY A - A TREE GROWS IN BROOKLYN
??Smith, Zadie–White Teeth??
Spark, Muriel–The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie
SPYRI, JOHANNA - HEIDI
??Strout, Elizabeth–Amy and Isabelle??
Steel, Danielle–The House
TAN, AMY - THE JOY LUCK CLUB
Tannen, Deborah–You're Wearing That
Ulrich, Laurel–A Midwife's Tale
??Urquhart, Jane–Away??
*Walker, Alice–The Temple of My Familiar
Welty, Eudora–One Writer's Beginnings
Wharton, Edith–Age of Innocence
*WILDER, LAURA INGALLS - LITTLE HOUSE IN THE BIG WOODS
*Wollstonecraft, Mary–A Vindication of the Rights of Women
Woolf, Virginia–A Room of One's Own

Is that an end I see?

There may just be a glimpse of light at the end of this tunnel. It's all of 3 pm, and I have a draft of the part of my paper that counts, as well as one of the two parts that doesn't. (Did I mention how bogus I think it is for a paper to have parts which are required but don't count?) I may actually have time to write the structure section and edit this thing by tomorrow morning. (I'd cross my fingers, but it's hard to type that way.)

Nooooo....

Don't scare me like that! MS Word (:insert Rocky-Horror-style response:) just decided to taunt me for a while. I write in Word because I have to email in my paper in Word, and so I might as well compose there in the first place. But I despise it, and this sort of thing is part of why I do: I just told it to save after I created a new footnote, and it blew raspberries at me and said "Won't! I'm full!" It did this several times, and then finally when I tried to figure out why, it shut down altogether.

Now, it has agreed to reopen and allow me to cite the article I was trying to cite without further tussles, and the only thing I lost was the footnote itself, but I remain mistrustful (if relieved). I do not like software that taunts me (or that's made by MS, but I do what I have to do), especially when it taunts me in the middle of major papers that are due soon. How does it know that I am in the middle of such a paper and do not currently have my external hard drive available to back things up? How does it know just when to hit the panic button?

Well, back to writing - I assume. But I have the paper backed up in my email, just in case.

Grazer timeline

Yesterday at lunch (was that really only yesterday?), Baruch Grazer summed up writing like this:

You have two pages.
You have two pages.
You still have two pages.
You're getting anxious about having two pages.
You want to slit your wrists because you have two pages.
You're going to hurt people because you have two pages.
Suddenly, you have thirty pages, when you only need 15 or 20.

Today has been largely about "you want to slit your wrists because you have two pages." It's been helpful to hold out that last stage, ever so eschatologically, as a reminder that someday, perhaps, if I'm very good, I might make it past two pages.

(In fact, I have about eight pages of text; sadly, only 5 or so are allowed to count in the page count, which means I still have 5 more pages that count and 2 more that don't left to write - by Monday. I dislike having to write pages of actual analysis that don't count in the page count. If you want a 15 page paper, ask for a 15 page paper - don't ask for a 10 page paper and then decide that major sections don't count in the page count. Oh, and probably I should edit the damned thing too, since right now it bears a striking resemblence to something a monkey could have typed.)

I'm going back to pulling out my hair now. I mean, to writing.

How long, O Lord?

When's reading week again?

For that matter, how long till summer? I'm tired of being this tired, and am looking forward to a job that's really truly supposed to be only 40 hours/week (although I'm sure I'll find ways to squeeze in more...).

Oh, who am I kidding? My summer to-do list includes editing/rewriting two or three papers and reading a considerable amount of history for exams.

Ok. I'll keep writing now.

Friday Five: Procrastination

A procrastination-themed Friday Five couldn't have come at a better time - I am, even as I type this, meant to be writing about Galatians 6, eschatology, and community.

The Question: What are five things you do to procrastinate?

1. Blogging - particularly checking my RSS or posting memes (thinking up real posts is too much like work to be an effective procrastination technique).

2. Research - I can't possibly go on until I find that one perfect quote that I read ten years ago in one of Madeleine L'Engle's books, or maybe it was Harry Potter, or Augustine...

3. Organization - I'd be able to work better if all of my books were arranged just so, and I had a perfectly structured outline, and...

4. Eating - Not one of my healthier procrastination techniques, but there you go.

5. West Wing - Clearly what I need is inspiration/a short break, and each episode is only 45 minutes...

STOP!!!

Someone is doing descending scales on the carillon - over, and over, and over. My window is directly across from the carillon. I am trying to write a paper. I am annoyed.

(Ok, they finally stopped. I'm confused still, because the scales stopped and then the person rang three bells, as though for chapel, and as far as I know we have no Friday night 7:35 service. But it's quiet again.)

Public Service Announcement

Not everyone is cut out to preach without notes.

Of this, I am living proof. Oi.

I look forward to coming back and writing out the manuscript version for next Thursday. In the meantime, I am pleading with the Holy Spirit for help, because tomorrow morning I have to do it note-free for class.

Did I mention I'm really not good at this?

Spottish

The next week will be one of those where I'll either be posting six times a day, or not at all. Some of you may remember a month or so ago when I announced that I was booked the last weekend of April... well, it's here.

Tomorrow, for instance:
8-8:30 cantor rehearsal
8:30-9 matins
9-11 work
11-12 choir
12-1 chair anti-racism meeting
1-3 class
3-4 spiritual direction
4:15-6 softball
Then dinner and homework - which will be entirely sermon prep for Friday's class, since I'm not as well prepared yet as I wanted to be by now. Which is not for lack of thought or time given to it - it's just coming very slowly.

In the next week, I have one large paper (on which I'm already behind my schedule), two sermons (one to be preached twice), one smaller paper, one project, and one reflection due. Plus, you know, reading and stuff.

A-Z

Another meme. Oh, and apparently it's not Ebert's list on the last one, it's someone else's.

Accent: standard Midwest (slight Ohio quality)

Booze: Champagne is my favorite, but mostly I drink red wine in the winter, beer or gin-tonic in the summer.

Chore I Hate: cleaning the shower

Dog or Cat: I'd like a dog. I like to sit for dogs. But I have no pets.

Essential Electronics: computer, tv/DVD player, iPod, car music

Favorite Cologne(s): I don't wear any myself, but I like it when my clothes and hair pick up liturgical smells like incense or healing oil.

Gold or Silver: silver

Hometown: near Cleveland

Insomnia: not generally

Job Title: Seminarian

Kids: I have none. I'd like to have some, but first I need at least an income and preferably a partner of some sort.

Living arrangements: grad student dorm

Most admirable trait: my own most admirable trait - probably loyalty; what I most admire in others is wisdom

Number of sexual partners: that's kind of an odd question...

Overnight hospital stays: Yes. One as a kid, then... four or five, maybe? last year.

Phobias: Possum. I'm trying not to freak out just typing that.

Quote: "Wherever there is unity in diversity, then we are free to be ourselves; it cannot be done in isolation; we need each other." ~Madeleine L'Engle

Religion: I'm thoroughly Anglican, and not in a separatist way. I'm finding myself more at home in the Anglo-Catholic part than in any other, right now, but I like a lot of different parts.

Siblings: One younger brother.

Time I wake up: 8 am, most weekdays.

Unusual talent or skill: I have incredibly flexible ankles and high arches, so I can point my toes and touch the floor with my leg stuck straight out.

Vegetable I refuse to eat: Canned ones.

Worst habit: taking on too much, maybe? there's a bunch.

X-rays: Teeth, chest, I think a variety of others but I stopped keeping track.

Yummy foods I make: red beans and garlic rice; scones; potato soup; veggie chili... I like to cook, when I have a kitchen and people to eat the food.

Zodiac sign: Libra. I think. Maybe. I can't decide... :)

Movies I Haven't Seen

I'm having significant problems summoning the wakefulness and energy to write my paper right now. Ergo, I offer a meme - this is Roger Ebert's list of movies everyone should see, via One Bright Star (to whom I'd link except I'm tired and lazy), with the ones I've seen in bold and the ones I've partly seen in italics.

"2001: A Space Odyssey" (1968) Stanley Kubrick
"The 400 Blows" (1959) Francois Truffaut
"8 1/2" (1963) Federico Fellini
"Aguirre, the Wrath of God" (1972) Werner Herzog
"Alien" (1979) Ridley Scott
"All About Eve" (1950) Joseph L. Mankiewicz
"Annie Hall" (1977) Woody Allen
"Bambi" (1942) Disney
"Battleship Potemkin" (1925) Sergei Eisenstein
"The Best Years of Our Lives" (1946) William Wyler
"The Big Red One" (1980) Samuel Fuller
"The Bicycle Thief" (1949) Vittorio De Sica
"The Big Sleep" (1946) Howard Hawks
"Blade Runner" (1982) Ridley Scott
"Blowup" (1966) Michelangelo Antonioni
"Blue Velvet" (1986) David Lynch
"Bonnie and Clyde" (1967) Arthur Penn
"Breathless" (1959) Jean-Luc Godard
"Bringing Up Baby" (1938) Howard Hawks
"Carrie" (1975) Brian DePalma
"Casablanca" (1942) Michael Curtiz
"Un Chien Andalou" (1928) Luis Bunuel & Salvador Dali
"Children of Paradise" / "Les Enfants du Paradis" (1945) Marcel Carne
"Chinatown" (1974) Roman Polanski
"Citizen Kane" (1941) Orson Welles
"A Clockwork Orange" (1971) Stanley Kubrick
"The Crying Game" (1992) Neil Jordan
"The Day the Earth Stood Still" (1951) Robert Wise
"Days of Heaven" (1978) Terence Malick
"Dirty Harry" (1971) Don Siegel
"The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie" (1972) Luis Bunuel
"Do the Right Thing" (1989) Spike Lee
"La Dolce Vita" (1960) Federico Fellini
"Double Indemnity" (1944) Billy Wilder
"Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb" (1964) Stanley Kubrick
"Duck Soup" (1933) Leo McCarey
"E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial" (1982) Steven Spielberg
"Easy Rider" (1969) Dennis Hopper
"The Empire Strikes Back" (1980) Irvin Kershner
"The Exorcist" (1973) William Friedkin
"Fargo" (1995) Joel & Ethan Coen
"Fight Club" (1999) David Fincher
"Frankenstein" (1931) James Whale
"The General" (1927) Buster Keaton & Clyde Bruckman
"The Godfather," "The Godfather, Part II" (1972, 1974) Francis Ford Coppola
"Gone With the Wind" (1939) Victor Fleming
"GoodFellas" (1990) Martin Scorsese
"The Graduate" (1967) Mike Nichols
"Halloween" (1978) John Carpenter
"A Hard Day's Night" (1964) Richard Lester
"Intolerance" (1916) D.W. Griffith
"It's A Gift" (1934) Norman Z. McLeod
"It's a Wonderful Life" (1946) Frank Capra
"Jaws" (1975) Steven Spielberg
"The Lady Eve" (1941) Preston Sturges
"Lawrence of Arabia" (1962) David Lean
"M" (1931) Fritz Lang
"Mad Max 2" / "The Road Warrior" (1981) George Miller
"The Maltese Falcon" (1941) John Huston
"The Manchurian Candidate" (1962) John Frankenheimer
"Metropolis" (1926) Fritz Lang
"Modern Times" (1936) Charles Chaplin
"Monty Python and the Holy Grail" (1975) Terry Jones & Terry Gilliam
"Nashville" (1975) Robert Altman
"The Night of the Hunter" (1955) Charles Laughton
"Night of the Living Dead" (1968) George Romero
"North by Northwest" (1959) Alfred Hitchcock
"Nosferatu" (1922) F.W. Murnau
"On the Waterfront" (1954) Elia Kazan
"Once Upon a Time in the West" (1968) Sergio Leone
"Out of the Past" (1947) Jacques Tournier
"Persona" (1966) Ingmar Bergman
"Pink Flamingos" (1972) John Waters
"Psycho" (1960) Alfred Hitchcock
"Pulp Fiction" (1994) Quentin Tarantino
"Rashomon" (1950) Akira Kurosawa
"Rear Window" (1954) Alfred Hitchcock
"Rebel Without a Cause" (1955) Nicholas Ray
"Red River" (1948) Howard Hawks
"Repulsion" (1965) Roman Polanski
"Rules of the Game" (1939) Jean Renoir
"Scarface" (1932) Howard Hawks
"The Scarlet Empress" (1934) Josef von Sternberg
"Schindler's List" (1993) Steven Spielberg
"The Searchers" (1956) John Ford
"The Seven Samurai" (1954) Akira Kurosawa
"Singin' in the Rain" (1952) Stanley Donen & Gene Kelly
"Some Like It Hot" (1959) Billy Wilder
"A Star Is Born" (1954) George Cukor
"A Streetcar Named Desire" (1951) Elia Kazan
"Sunset Boulevard" (1950) Billy Wilder
"Taxi Driver" (1976) Martin Scorsese
"The Third Man" (1949) Carol Reed
"Tokyo Story" (1953) Yasujiro Ozu
"Touch of Evil" (1958) Orson Welles
"The Treasure of the Sierra Madre" (1948) John Huston
"Trouble in Paradise" (1932) Ernst Lubitsch
"Vertigo" (1958) Alfred Hitchcock
"West Side Story" (1961) Jerome Robbins/Robert Wise
"The Wild Bunch" (1969) Sam Peckinpah
"The Wizard of Oz" (1939) Victor Fleming

Thoughts?

The Happy Feminist has a post today considering what responsibility women bear for men's lust, particularly as it affects the way they dress.* This is a topic I've gone over and over in my mind without ever coming to a satisfactory conclusion, and I'd be interested to hear what y'all think about the issue. (I surmise that Happy Feminist and I have some overlap in reader demographic, but some major distinctions there too.) So go, read what she has to say and check out the comments thread, and let me know how you might reconcile feminism and Christianity on this one.

*I'm very aware that women lust after other women, too, and that some of the problems of dress carry across gender boundaries, but I'm not quite ready to broaden the conversation just that far at this moment. Right now, I'm interested in the M-F interaction - which is at least somewhat pertinent no matter what one's sexuality, I think.

Good to know

There's a piece of paper in front of me informing me that I'm a Candidate for Holy Orders.

Ew.

Cockroach. In. My. Teakettle.

I just looked at a tape measure to check, and the thing had to be at least two inches long. I am not given to exaggerating or freaking out about bugs, but neither am I accustomed to finding two-inch cockroaches In My Teakettle (which we used last night).

Cockroach, you have your home and I have mine. They are not the same place. Please advise.

(Of course, Cockroach has just taken a three-story dive out the window and may not be paying much attention right now....)

Ew.

Welcome, happy morning!

Christ is risen! Alleluia!
I'm always delighted beyond words, and a little relieved, to hear those words again.

It feels strange not to be in church at 10 am on a Sunday, but that seems to have been the appropriate decision for this year. Instead, since we didn't sing it this morning, I offer my favorite Easter hymn:

"Welcome, happy morning!" age to age shall say:
hell today is vanquished, heaven is won today!
Lo! the dead is living, God for evermore!
Him their true Creator, all his works adore!
"Welcome, happy morning!" age to age shall say!

Earth her joy confesses, clothing her for spring
All fresh gifts return with her returning King:
bloom in every meadow, leaves on every bough,
speak his sorrow ended, hail his triumph now.
"Welcome, happy morning!" age to age shall say!

Months in due succession, days of lengthening light,
hours and passing moments praise thee in their flight.
Brightness of the morning, sky and fields and sea,
Vanquisher of darkness, bring their praise to thee.
"Welcome, happy morning!" age to age shall say!

Maker and Redeemer, life and health of all,
thou from heaven beholding human nature's fall,
of the Father's Godhead, true and only Son,
mankind to deliver, manhood didst put on.
"Welcome, happy morning!" age to age shall say!

Thou, of life the author, death didst undergo,
tread the path of darkness, saving strength to show;
come then, true and faithful, now fulfill thy word,
'tis thy own third morning! rise, O buried Lord!
"Welcome, happy morning!" age to age shall say!

Loose the souls long prisoned, bound with Satan's chain;
all that now is fallen raise to life again;
show thy face in brightness, bid the nations see;
bring again our daylight: day returns with thee!
"Welcome, happy morning!" age to age shall say!

Confession?

There's not much for me to say about Good Friday - Good Friday pretty well speaks for itself. So instead, I'll bare to the world all the signs of my relative wealth.

Do you have:
(1) your own cell phone
(2) a television in your bedroom (it's not precisely in the bedroom - it's cleverly located so that I can watch it from any room in the suite - but yes, I can watch tv from bed.
(3) an MP3 player
( ) a photo printer
( ) own phone line
( ) TiVo or a generic digital video recorder
(4) high-speed internet access (i.e., not dialup)
( ) a surround sound system in bedroom
(5) DVD player in bedroom (see the tv thing)
( ) at least a hundred DVDs
(6) a childfree bathroom
(7) your own in-house office
( ) a pool
( ) a guest house
( ) a game room
( ) a queen-size bed or larger
( ) a stocked bar
( ) a working dishwasher
(8) an icemaker (well, it's not mine, it's in the refectory, but I can access pre-made ice without going outside)
(9) a working washer and dryer (ditto number 8, except it's in the basement proper, not the refectory)
(10) more than 20 pairs of shoes (although it depends on how you count - I have 15 pairs of street shoes and 2 pairs of dance shoes here in Evanston, but I still have at least seven pairs of dance shoes at my parents', and possibly some street shoes too - at least my creeking shoes are there)
( ) at least ten things from a designer store
( ) expensive sunglasses
( ) framed original art (not lithographs or prints) (I suppose technically I do, but I made the art, so I don't think that's what they mean)
(11) Egyptian cotton sheets or towels
(12) a multi-speed bike (it is, however, in Ohio and unusable)
( )a gym membership)
( ) your own set of golf clubs
( ) a pool table
( ) a tennis court
(13) local access to a lake, large pond, or the sea
( ) your own pair of skis
( ) enough camping gear for a weekend trip in an isolated area
( ) a boat
( ) a jet ski
( ) a neighborhood committee membership
( ) a beach house or a vacation house/cabin
(14) wealthy family members (not incredibly wealthy, but as far as I'm concerned, yes)
( ) two or more family cars
( ) a walk-in closet or pantry (I am not counting the kitchen half-room)
( ) a yard
( ) a hammock
( ) a personal trainer
(15) good credit
( ) expensive jewelry
( ) a designer bag that required being on a waiting list to get
( ) at least $100 cash in your possession right now
( ) more than two credit cards bearing your name (not counting gas cards or debit cards)
(16) a stock portfolio
(17) a passport
( ) a horse
( ) a trust fund (either for you or created by you)
(18) private medical insurance (at least in theory)
(19) a college degree, and no outstanding student loans

Do you:
( ) shop for non-needed items for yourself (like clothes, jewelry, electronics) at least once a week
( ) do your regular grocery shopping at high-end or specialty stores
( ) pay someone else to clean your house, do dishes, or launder your clothes (not counting dry cleaning)
( ) go on weekend mini-vacations
( ) send dinners back with every flaw
( ) wear perfume or cologne
( ) regularly get your hair styled or nails done in a salon
( ) have a job but don't need the money OR
( ) stay at home with little financial sacrifice
( ) pay someone else to cook your meals
( ) pay someone else to watch your children or walk your dogs
( ) regularly pay someone else to drive your taxis
( ) expect a gift after you fight with your partner

Are you:
( ) an only child
( ) married/partnered to a wealthy person
( ) baffled/surprised when you don't get your way

Have you:
( ) been on a cruise
(20) traveled out of the country
( ) met a celebrity
( ) been to the Caribbean
( ) been to Hawaii
(21) been to New York
( ) eaten at the space needle in Seattle
( ) been to the Mall of America
(22) been on the Eiffel tower in Paris
(23) been on the Statue of Liberty in New York (really, I've been in this, not on it, but ok)
( ) moved more than three times because you wanted to
( ) dined with local political figures
(24) been to both the Atlantic coast and the Pacific coast

Did you:
( ) go to another country for your honeymoon
( ) hire a professional photographer for your wedding or party
(25) took riding or swimming lessons as a child
( ) attend private school (I'm guessing this means elementary/secondary, not college?)
(26) have a Sweet 16 birthday party

I heart

this post.

Spring

has definitely arrived. Today I saw an inch-long cockroach on the stairs on my way to morning prayer, and now a Japanese beetle is flying bopping breakdancing around my room.

Palm Sunday

I've had various bits of unfinished thoughts floating around my head all day, none of them ready for a post. Since it's been a couple of days, though, I'll share the Palm Sunday sermon I preached in class Friday, which is of course already written. I didn't preach it absolutely precisely according to the script, but this is pretty close. (I should probably note that the audience for this sermon was a classroom full of seminary people, not a parish congregation.)

*******

Palm Sunday makes me batty. We start out with a beautiful liturgy of palms, which fits well into the Lenten progression of time through the Gospel, and then bam! before the service is over, Jesus is dead – except, not really, because we’ve still got Maundy Thursday and Good Friday ahead of us, and he can’t really die until we hear it from John’s Gospel on Friday. We’re expected to fit all of Holy Week into Palm Sunday - not giving anything away for those who will actually be around for the Triduum, but also making sure that the people who won't be back until Easter don't walk in and say "Jesus died?" I just don’t understand Palm Sunday.

Add it to the list of things I don’t understand about Holy Week. Palm Sunday, I can scoot by on. Last year, I had a much more terrifying realization during Holy Week: when Good Friday came, I discovered that I didn’t know who Jesus was. And in fact, a year later, after courses in systematic theology, in New Testament, in biblical theology, I can report that I still don’t know who Jesus is.

Don’t get me wrong here - I both loved and passed those courses, and wrote more than one of my papers on who Christ is and what the cross means. In fact, my final paper for theology talked about that Good Friday experience and how Dr. Wondra’s Magic Chart describing the main theologies of the work of Christ had helped me find some clarity about the matter. And it was all true. Theologically - or, more accurately, intellectually - I can manage. I can do the mental gymnastics. But it’s like taking an online quiz: “What’s your soteriology?” So I can confidently tell you that on that quiz, I scored as a mix of Christus Victor and union/communion with God - God is the agent of our salvation, we experience sin as having power over us, reconciliation plays out in union with God, etc. That’s my preferred theological understanding of Christ and salvation.

I just don’t know who Jesus is. I don’t get it, deep in my gut, even after a year of letting it marinate, just as I know in my gut that it doesn’t make sense to skip straight from the procession into Jerusalem to the crucifixion. This year, though, I think I'm ok with that.

I’d still prefer to know. I’m used to knowing things. I like knowing things. That’s where I’m comfortable, is learning and knowing and understanding things inside and out. And I still think it’s important to keep pushing at that understanding. But it’s ok, for now, that I don’t entirely understand this.

Thinking about the Palm Sunday propers this week, I started humming a song that I hadn’t thought about in several years, at least since college. It says:

Listen to the Lord as he speaks softly
Listen to the words of a perfect man
Listen to the miracle of God incarnate
Listen even when you don’t understand

We used to sing it as a round, so that the last line would echo - “listen even when you don’t understand, understand, understand.” That’s how it sounded in my head this week, too. And as powerful as that line can be in the middle of July, I think it speaks especially directly to us as we prepare to enter Holy Week. Listen even when you don’t understand. Not “listen to hear x, y, or z” – as I learned last year, we don’t get to qualify what we’re willing to hear. Just listen.

So that will be my discipline for the rest of Lent this year, as we head through Holy Week. I’m asking for God’s help in trying to unclench my intellect’s iron grip, and in listening even when I don’t understand. I expect to understand very little, this week - and perhaps that’s the way it’s supposed to work. But I’ll be listening, and I invite you to listen with me, as we move through the marvelous, terrible, mysterious events of Holy Week, watching and hoping for Easter.

Softball!

So, the Saints won our first softball game of the season last night. That might not sound like particularly amazing to many, but the Saints... have a bit of trouble, sometimes, beating teams of any sort, and especially teams of in-shape college students (our average age is probably 10 years older than theirs). So a win was exciting. Getting to play in the infield was also exciting. I'm not a great player, but the chances of my doing something well improve if I don't have to throw too far.

Tomorrow morning, we have practice. Tomorrow morning during practice, it's forecast to be 38 degrees. Brr.

Sermon update

I should clarify here that I have significant problems with the idea that pride and low self-worth split cleanly along gender lines - my besetting sin is much more pride than lack thereof.

It seems also at this point that this is not the sermon I'll be preaching on Friday. Another one, which I thought was a Good Friday sermon but wrote down anyway because I couldn't get it out of my head, seems now to be appropriate for heading into Holy Week rather than Good Friday itself, and may actually be my sermon for Friday (once it's fleshed out and polished).

Strange day

~At lunch, a friend told me that if I didn't make sure I heard the helpful noise when I closed my ziploc bag, my piranha would get out and eat my flesh. He later offered to piranha-sit for me if I agreed to play softball again this year.

~Also at lunch, the apple I was halfway through eating magically leaped right out of my hand and across the table to hit another classmate in the face. Very out of the ordinary in my world.

~There was a new episode of Gilmore Girls tonight. (Hey, there hasn't been one in weeks. It's become a strange thing.)

~I spent the morning successfully making conversation with various people I don't really know.


Ok, the two top ones are the weirdest part. Now I'm trying to write a sermon about pride and humility, coming out of the propers for Palm Sunday, which is itself a strange thing to me. If anyone has helpful input, particularly about the notion that pride is men's sin and unworthiness is women's, I'm open.

Lately

My mother was here for a few days. We:

~ate a lot
~went to the Botanical Gardens
~went to Ikea
~went to the Talbots Outlet
~walked on the beach during a few exceptionally warm hours
~watched a family history video and a quantum physics and spirituality one
~found me a bridesmaid dress for summer

Pippa was here last night, and will stay tonight as well because of the weather. We:

~ate dinner with Hope and Andrew
~read
~welcomed prospective students
~played Uno and Zigity
~went to church
~ate pizza with prospective students
~sang evensong with prospective students

Now we're watching Hook, and then we will go to bed, because that's what people do at night.